A first message online dating formula is extremely valuable to have. The first message will set the tone for the early part of your interaction and will often make or break you chances with the person you are interested in.
For those who are new to the online dating game there is a simple formula that you can follow to get results. More seasoned online daters can modify their approach based on their experience. Newer online daters are wise to use this first message online dating formula that has worked for me many, many times. If you are new to dating older women check out our Top Cougar Dating Sites List.
First messages in online dating that are 100% canned will yield lower results. 100% original emails will waste a lot of time. The ideal solution is a customizable template that is 75% complete before you start. This is the best of both worlds that allows you to include your best lines as well as tailor your message to her.
Using this formula you will be able to craft a highly successful response in minutes to any woman. A repeatable, fast approach to online dating is vital to achieving maximum results.
First Message Online Dating Formula That Works (With Examples)!
This is basic. Attractive women get blasted with canned emails. It doesn’t take long to read a profile and you want to know who you are messaging anyway. After a few bad dates you are going to be doing this by habit to spot warning signs. Get in the practice of doing this now with our first message online dating formula and you will get better responses.
Key things to look out for:
- Interests you two share
- Anything that you can potentially use to playfully tease her with
- Embarrassing stories
- Weird hobbies
- Something in her pictures
- Pay special attention to see if she includes her name anywhere
The subject line and the picture are the only things a person will look at many times. Attractive men and women will have an inbox full of messages with the subject Hey! Hi! Hello! Your hot! Sup….
You need to stand out.
The best way to stand out is to talk about something she is interested in. Usually, that means herself. This also shows that you took the time to actually read her profile which is a step a lot of lazy guys skip.
You want something short that will immediately grab her interest. In my experience this is best done with a question. Ideally one that ties into a common interest but that is really just a bonus.
For example, if you noticed in the older woman’s profile that she likes something (dancing) but is terrible. Your subject line would simply be for example:
This does three things:
- It peeks her interest by putting an open question out there
- You puts a potential first date out there already
- This shows a level of confidence that you are not afraid to tease her a little bit
Pro tip – If she mentions her name in her profile put it in the subject. In this case “Dance lessons Jessica?”. She is almost guaranteed to at least read your message if only to find out if she actually knows you.
Being able to attract her interest, show confidence, and push the interaction forward in one sentence will set you far apart from 99% of the guys dating online. This won’t work on every single woman out there but it will be effective on large enough majority. There is no magic bullet here.
To begin with, if you used the question subject listed above in our first message online dating formula you should could say for example:
“I knew that would get your attention”
This is a little funny and sets a good tone for the rest of your message. You can use this line to go straight into your next sentence.
This is where you want to continue connecting with her as well as telling her why you are messaging her. Use the information about her you learned from her profile to bring up some shared interests. For example:
“I read through your profile and we seem to share a love of adventure, the feel of sand in our toes, and the taste of an authentic french croissant.”
Try to include the senses involved in the shared interests. You want her to hear, smell, feel, taste, and see what you are talking about. Be careful to only include positive shared interests. You are not going to get a response if you start off a message by saying for example:
“I read through your profile and we seem to share bad breath, recently deceased parents, and poor fashion sense.”
That isn’t going to generate any positive feelings with most women even if you are using this first message online dating formula exactly. Now you you want to tell an interesting story tied to one of the interests you just mentioned. If one of your shared passions is scuba diving you could say:
“I just got back from a life changing two week scuba retreat in Belize. Fourteen days of diving in crystal clear waters having adventures in the local countryside. Have you been?”
This serves dual purposes. In the first sentence you are showing that you are an interesting guy that is fun to be around. In the second you are painting the picture of a life that she would like to be a part of. Now that you have demonstrated why you are messaging her you can briefly mention a few of your strongest characteristics to really get her hooked. For example:
“A little about me: I’m adventurous, ambitious, confident, and a challenge.”
This may sound a little like bragging (and it is) but it is done in a confident way that is more matter-of-fact than arrogant. Dating older women requires confidence. If you can demonstrate confidence early when messaging an older women you will have better results.
Now you want to do a little more teasing. This is where you give a little and take a little. You will be confident and playful without being a total jerk. Start off with a very small compliment and then tease her about something else you saw in her profile. In this example it was from a woman who said she was great at ping pong:
“I think we would have a lot of fun together even if you are going to be mopey the whole night after I kick your butt in ping pong”
Make sure that the way you tease her is very clean and can’t be misconstrued. It is very easy to take a message the wrong way, even one that follows a first message online dating formula. Without voice tone and body language you won’t be able to read her. You need to find the right balance and it can take a little practice before you find it.
Call to action
This is where you seal it. You want her to get motivated to actually send you a message back. My favorite line was:
“We are both on this site to meet someone great and I think it would be foolish if we didn’t talk at least once.”
This is a great way to connect with her and demonstrate that messaging you is in her best interest. She is on that site to meet someone great and that just might be you. Now that you have given her every reason to reply you tell her exactly what you want her to do. For example:
“Send me a message back now and I’ll take it from there.”
More confidence. If you can get her to take the big step of messaging you back your odds have already increased tremendously.
This first message online dating formula is very simple and customizable for any situation you find yourself in. When you put all of our examples together it looks like this:
Subject: Dance Lessons?
Body: I knew that would get your attention! I read through your profile and we seem to share a love of adventure, the feel of sand in our toes, and the taste of an authentic french croissant. I just got back from a life changing two week scuba retreat in Belize. Fourteen days of diving in crystal clear waters having adventures in the local countryside. Have you been?” A little about me: I’m adventurous, ambitious, confident, and a challenge. I think we would have a lot of fun together even if you are going to be mopey the whole night after I kick your butt in ping pong.
We are both on this site to meet someone great and I think it would be foolish if we didn’t talk at least once. Send me a message back now and I’ll take it from there.
Protip: Timing is important. Message women when they are more likely to be online. If you see she was last online at 8:30 PM, message her tomorrow at 8:20 PM. If you can’t see the time stamp use the chart to the right to better better understand when women are more likely to be online. You want to be at the very top of her inbox when she logs in.
Again I want to reiterate that this is a general first message online dating formula and should be tailored to your needs and experience. The first message is only one part of the equation that includes your profile and your photos. Take a look at our eHarmony guide, Match.com Guide, and Cougar Life guides to learn how to best setup your profiles.
If you have not begun online dating yet take the time to find the best site for meeting older women with our Top Cougar Online Dating Site Review.