How long should you wait to ask a girl out? It’s a good question and one that gets asked a lot. Ask her out too soon and you’ll come on too strong or look desperate. Ask her out too late and she’ll make assumptions about you: You’re shy, you’re playing with her, you want a penpal, you’re a catfish, etc.
So where’s the sweet spot? In this guide, I answer how long should you wait to ask a girl out to increase your chances of getting a “yes.”
The good news is — I know how it is. There’s a girl you really like. You’ve been talking to her and she’s hot. Best thing? She seems keen and you’re terrified of fucking this up by asking her out too soon.
How Long Should You Wait To Ask A Girl Out
True, there is such a thing as too soon and too late. Fortunately, guys like myself have been there, done it and learned a thing or two about timing. If your timing is impeccable, you can swing and hit a perfect shot that gets you to first and second base at least.
A lot of it comes down to two things: your psychology and the situation. By psychology, I’m referring to the twin emotions of fear and greed. Fear that we’ll miss out causes us to act too soon, while fear of messing things up causes us to delay until our chance has gone. Greed, on the other hand, just causes us to rush into things. And as the old saying goes, only fools rush in, right?
Let’s crack on and take a look at how long should you wait to ask a girl out.
Always Wait At Least A Week – No Matter What
First, never ask to meet within the first week. Hint at it maybe, but don’t go in for the kill. It’s too intense and you might scare her off. Even if you’ve spent the first night chatting, teasing and laughing, do not under any circumstances ask if she wants to meet up. For most girls, it’s a massive red flag.
If you ask her for a date too soon, it tells her a few things. Mainly, it tells her you just want sex and that won’t go down well . . . at all.
Be patient. Most women want that from men online. Sure, there comes a time when you need to strike, but always do it after six or seven days have passed.
What To Do If Her Replies Are Erratic
Some girls aren’t massively hot for getting to know a guy online. They live busy lives, they’re a bit ditzy and they forget to reply to you — even if they’re interested. Instead, they’d rather meet up in person as soon as possible. For them, getting to know someone via text is just such a drag.
This type of girl is easy to spot. She’ll reply to your first message and then disappear for a day or two. Then, she’ll reply with a “sorry I forgot to reply!” message, before disappearing again. Then, she’ll return again!
The fact that she’s still messaging you tells you she’s interested and that you must go in with the kill as soon as possible with this one (while paying attention to the above one-week rule). Don’t ask to meet up immediately, but if it’s been one to two weeks of sporadic messages and you know she’s clearly keen, tell her you hate getting to know someone online and would much rather meet up and chat over a coffee.
Don’t Get Disheartened If She Gives You A “Maybe”
Imagine it: You guys have been getting along just fine online. You’ve made her giggle, you’ve flirted and she keeps replying. Your gut tells you she’s interested. Yet when you asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee “sometime”, she gave you a “maybe.”
Don’t get disheartened. A “maybe” isn’t a “no” and there are a few reasons why she might seem hesitant to meet up, despite you guys hitting it off. The most likely reason is that she’s just scared. Just as much as you want to impress her, she wants to impress you and she’s scared that you might not like her in person.
Another reason she might give you a “maybe” is that she wants to take this slow and needs some patience from you. She likes you, but he’s not ready to meet just yet.
Either way, don’t take a “maybe” as a rejection. Don’t get disheartened, lose your confidence or get frustrated with her. Show some understanding and keep finessing like you have been doing up until this point.
If you take a “maybe” badly, she’ll notice and at that point, you’ve no chance of landing a date. Accept the “maybe” as a sign that she needs more from you until she’s comfortable enough to meet up. Continue chatting as you were and try again in another two weeks.
Wait A Bit Longer If There’s A Stronger Connection
How long should you wait to ask a girl out if there is a clear, strong connection? Remember the famous quote again: “only fools rush in.”
If you guys have been exchanging lengthy messages with one another and it’s clear there is a strong connection between the two of you, I recommend taking your time before you ask her out. How long exactly you should wait to ask a girl out if it’s clear that romance is on the cards could be any length of time between two-to-four weeks.
You don’t have to worry about missing out if you wait too long. If it’s clear that she really likes you, and if perhaps you’ve already talked on the phone etc, have some patience and bide your time. She’s going nowhere!
Remember, she’s probably as nervous as you are. If you ask to meet too early, you run the risk of upsetting the nice thing you’ve got going on here. I remember one girl I met a few years back who told me after we’d broken up that she met me too early.
When it’s clear that a girl cares about you and you care about her, don’t be afraid to spend more time than usual getting to know her before asking to meet up. There’s no rush. Sometimes, rushing ruins everything. Take your time and make the meet up extra special. Remember, however, to make sure she knows you do want to meet up eventually — drop subtle hints.
How long should you wait to ask a girl out? It depends, but here are some tips on how to make sure you hit your mark. Remember, how long you leave it depends largely on what the situation is, but always leave it at least a week, no matter what.