I love the getting-to-know-you part of dating and wish that more guys knew better what deep topics to talk about with women are worth pursuing.
It’s fun to hear someone’s stories and where they came from.
But the worst is when there’s that moment in the first or second date that a guy shifts into interview mode and it feels so unsexy and business-like that I half expect him to pull out a copy of my resume.
I get that we’re both trying to get to know each other quickly, but come on, we’re both adults. Do you really care where I went to college or how many siblings I have?
To really get to know someone, you need to bust out the deep topics. You want questions that let your date reveal something about herself without seeming like you’re prying or trying to get them to confess something in an interrogation.
Here are 10 deep topics to talk about with women to get you started:
If you’re not sure about your own personality type, check out the Meyers-Briggs personality inventory.
It’s a fun way to find out someone’s quirks and priorities.
Basically, an introvert draws his or her energy from spending time alone (with books, movies, nature, et al) and an extrovert draws their energy from spending time with other people.
There isn’t a right or wrong way to answer this—lots of couples enjoy the balance in the relationship that comes from two different personality types.
If you’re both introverts, you can look forward to cuddly nights in with Netflix or books.
If you’re both extroverts, you can feed off each other’s energy and really hit power couple status.
This can really open up a chance for you to bond over, let’s face it, how many weirdos are out there.
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If she seems receptive to it, it’s also a great way to get some insight into what kind of relationship she’s looking for.
Keep in mind that some women are self-conscious about online dating and don’t want to discuss the ins and outs of it, but this mindset is quickly vanishing.
It’s more likely that this question will open up a woman to clue you in on her deal-breakers.
This is one of the best deep topics to talk about with women because what you’re really asking is, “what are your priorities?”
The women who answer “open a gastropub”, “make a movie”, or “travel the world” are very different than the women who answer “buy homes for my extended family”, “invest it” or “go on a permanent vacation.”
I mean, after giving a substantial portion to charity, of course.
This opens up a whole slew of possibilities for conversation and getting to know her. If she dreams of crawling through the catacombs of Paris, you’re dealing with someone with a sense of adventure and a love of history.
Deep diving in the Caribbean? She’s probably got a sunny personality and a spunky fearlessness.
Margaritas on the Key West? You’ve got a chilled out lady on your hands.
What’s really fun about this question is that it gives you a great place to share any fun travel-related stories from your own adventures.
While it can be risky territory to bring up politics on an early date, it can also clue you in to any dealbreakers.
If she seems hesitant to talk about it, a non-committal answer will let you both continue on gracefully.
But if you’re both interested in it, this question can spark an instant connection and give you the chance for some lively intellectual debate.
A date asked me this recently and it gave me a chance to just light up and wax poetic about the insanely great taco stand, the charming rock club, the mid-century tiki bar, and the used bookstore that I love.
Ideally, there is at least one thing she loves about where she lives and talking about t not only clues you in to her interests, but can also inspire some future date activities down the road.
By the time we’re adults, the career we’ve arrived at might be very different than the career we envisioned starting off.
This question lets her clue you into the part of her occupation that she’s really passionate about.
It also lets her share a part of her life story with you in an easy, manageable way.
Childhood is a great deep topic to discuss with women you’re interested in.
It gives you insight into her background and her values.
It also gives you a peek into her personality in how she’s going to describe her own personal narrative.
By framing the question of “where you grew up” rather than her own personal childhood, it doesn’t trap her into revealing a history that might be a little too personal.
If her family story is less than rosy, it lets her focus on what she’s comfortable sharing with you.
Is she a daily blog reader? Literary novels? Comic books?
You might uncover some shared interests when you go deep into your reading list.
Just be careful not to be too snobby with this one: reading the New Yorker online is just as valid as reading a paper copy magazine.
Be as respectful and open-minded about her reading choices as you would want her to be for yours.
Who knows, she might end up turning you on to your new favorite books!
This is our final suggestion of deep topics to talk about with women.
It sounds weird, but compatibility for this question one of the biggest predictors to whether or not a couple will work out, according to a sample of 34,000 real world couples.
I guess these women of the high seas are still searching for their co-captains? In that case, ahoy mateys!