Learning how to dominate a woman in bed may seem simple. But how can you know if you’re going too far or, in some cases, not far enough?
There are a lot of women who love to be dominated by their partner. Some like to be manhandled like a rag doll. Others want to be punished like a “bad girl.” A lot of them want this punishment administered without permission...
Yet, they all have their limits…
This presents a dilemma for men.
On the one hand, we want to do all we can to satisfy our woman.
On the other, it’s normal to worry about going too far. This could leave us with a distressed partner or maybe even a rape accusation on our hands.
The tightrope between sexual dominance and sexual assault would appear to be extremely fuzzy.
After all, a lot of submissive (sub) women want a dominant (dom) man who knows how to take the lead. They want to be restricted, hurt or even degraded. Yet, when their man asks for permission to perform these moves, it tends to take the gloss of this fantasy.
No wonder men are confused about how to be sexually dominant without going too far.
The guide below offers some useful tips to help you fulfill a submissive woman’s fantasies without harming her.
This step-by-step guide also contains some answers to common questions about the dom/sub relationship.
It’s impossible to make accurate assumptions when it comes to a woman’s sexual kinks.
Sure, lots of women who like to be submissive in the bedroom are timid girls looking to be led by a man throughout their relationship, just like Anastasia Steele in 50 SHADES OF GREY.
But there are also powerful career women with a salacious desire to have their partner manhandle them.
What’s more, there are plenty of women on both ends of the introvert/extrovert scale who get off on the idea of submitting to a dominant partner.
So, how do you find out what your partner wants in the bedroom?
One way is to start slowly introducing dominant moves in the bedroom and noting how she responds. Perhaps, begin by pinning her arms down in the missionary position. Pull her hair or push her head into the pillow during doggy-style. Throw her around a bit as you’re changing positions. Place your hands softly around her neck. These moves aren’t too invasive. But as you begin, make sure to ask if she likes it.
If she says “no,” it’s unlikely you’ve got a hardcore submissive on your hands. Yet, in most cases, if she’s really into being dominated, she’ll make it abundantly clear that she loves it. Often, she’ll scream “MORE” or “HARDER!” At this point, you can begin to get more physical. Once you establish that she’s into this sort of play, she’ll usually let you know if you’re not being dominant enough.
The textbook answer to knowing how to dominate a woman sexually: bring it up in conversation. Have a non-judgmental discussion outside the bedroom about her sexual fantasies.
If you’re deep into a romantic relationship, this is absolutely the way to go. However, it could be argued this is an inappropriate move if you’re early in the relationship, especially if you’ve not had sex yet.
Whether it’s before or after you’ve tried to know what turns her on during sex, a longer conversation about her likes and dislikes is useful.
During these conversations, it’s key to keep the conversation open and free from judgment. This will help her open up, and you can begin to get a clearer idea about what pushes her buttons. Maybe she likes pain but not degradation or vice-versa.
This conversation could make you both horny with anticipation for your next romp. The more information you can get outside the bedroom, the easier it will become to create a satisfying dom/sub experience inside it, so don’t be afraid to go into detail. This is a great time to discuss specifics such as limits, preferences and safe words too.
Even if you’ve communicated about a partner’s kinks and fetishes, it’s important to always monitor your their state during sex.
Look into her eyes to see if she’s still enjoying herself. A quick whisper of “more?” can go a long way to ensure you’re still on the same page. Remember, sex should always be about mutual pleasure.
As with any form of flirtation or sexual contact, it’s best to start slow and let the pleasure build at a steady pace.
Women typically take longer than men to feel aroused, and even the most hardcore submissives need time to warm up to the situation. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and building up the tension. Indeed, for pain-related activities, it can take a few minutes for the body to flood with endorphins.
It’s not always necessary to be dominant 100% of the time either. Ease into it at a speed you’re both comfortable with.
Dom/sub chemistry is rarely something you’ll master in one or even several sessions, so be patient. It’s safer to progress too slowly rather than too quickly. Communication and trust is key.
A great dom will take charge of a situation physically and emotionally. That means making sure that his partner is comfortable enough telling him to stop, even if she’s worried about “ruining the moment.” You should also be willing to do that if you feel like she’s not 100% into what’s happening.
“Ruining the moment” once or twice is better than inflicting trauma through a sexual experience that went too far.
If you’re wondering how to be dominant during sex, look no further. Here are some ideas.
This form of domination focuses on the administration of physical pain or humiliation. The dom often inflicts pain via spanking or choking. When it comes to humiliation, the dom verbally demeans the sub, makes them beg for forgiveness or even dresses them up in humiliating attire.
This involves blindfolding, gagging or tying up the sub. These restrictions give the partner more power to dominate.
Roleplay is great for enhancing the escapism that rough sex can engage. Dom/sub roleplays tend to involve one party punishing the other. Teacher/student or police/criminal are popular examples. There are thousands of poorly-scripted pornos online that might tickle your imagination further.
There are toys for pain, such as paddles, whips and claps. There are also toys for restriction, such as handcuffs, gags or blindfolds. Accessories for humiliation, such as dog leads or gimp masks, are also widely available. Sex toys are cheaper and easier to access than before. Why not browse some online stores with your partner and see what takes your fancy?
As interesting as these ideas might seem, they’re only good ideas if both partners think they are.
When learning how to dominate a woman, it’s important to be aware of aftercare. This is the process of helping your sub transition back into reality after dominant sex.
Here, you’ll want to shower her with affection, especially if this was missing during your playtime.
Kiss, cuddle, praise her, take a shower together. Ice down any injuries she has. Do whatever it takes to help her feel valued and cared for. This is especially important in new dom/sub relationships, where the affection may not yet be as obvious.
Consider this your “warm down.” Dom/sub sex leads to particularly large emotional spikes. If it ends too suddenly, it can be emotionally harmful and lead to a condition known as “sub drop.” Not good.
Aftercare is a great time to “debrief” too. What did you love? What did she love? How can you make the experience better? Where can you explore further next time? This confirms that you care about each other’s pleasure and will help you enjoy even better sex in the future.
A 2014 study suggests that almost two-thirds of women have had fantasies about being dominated in the bedroom.
Each woman will have her own explanation as to why she enjoys this. Many might not be able to put it into words at all. So, experts can only really speculate about the most common reasons.
Many explanations mention the sexual polarity that occurs between masculine and feminine beings.
Indeed, masculinity has many dominant qualities, such as leadership, competition, decisiveness and aggression. When a woman is around this energy, she feels more free to relax, submit and fall into her divine femininity. This experience of submission feels so fantastic, especially for an extremely feminine woman. For her, there’s no purer occurrence of sexual polarity than submitting to her dominant man in the bedroom.
For other women, the explanation might be simpler. A lot of powerful career women see submitting to their partner as a chance to take a break from always taking charge. This is their opportunity to relax.
A lot of women might also feel empowered by the decision to submit their power and have their man put in all the work to fulfill her. Indeed, many subs get off on the fantasy of their partner being overpowered with lust for them, and this can feel extremely empowering. It has also been suggested that pain fuels escapism, allowing recipients to focus on the present moment rather than whatever anxiety might be plaguing their thoughts.
As well as the psychological kicks of being punished, there are physical reasons why women may want to experience pain in the bedroom. A common explanation surrounds the fact that pain and pleasure activate the same neurons in the brain. So, when someone feels pain in a consensual and pleasurable environment, the experience releases the same feel-good chemicals as they might experience while eating an ice-cream. This is also why the brain releases feel-good endorphins during heavy exercise.
Of course, you don’t HAVE to ravage your woman in the bedroom or engage in any sexual activities you’re uncomfortable with.
However, the odds suggest you’re likely to come across at least one woman who likes a bit of rough-and-tumble.
So, if you’re inexperienced with dominating a woman or didn’t even know what “dominant” means sexually, it’s worth giving it a shot.
Sure, while you’re learning how to dominate a woman, it might feel awkward and unnatural. But this is true of any new skill we’re trying to learn. Comfort comes with familiarity.
The tips in this article aim to provide a pleasant experience for both you and your woman. Any woman who cares about you should have your best interests at heart.
When both partners are on the same page, rough sex or BDSM experiences have been said to help boost intimacy. So don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!
No, no, no.
You shouldn’t aim to manipulate a sexual partner into anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.
No one should want a partner to walk away from a sexual experience feeling used or disrespected.
You can talk about how much you enjoy certain acts in the bedroom. But it’s her right to refuse any sexual contact she doesn’t want. Please respect that.
Of course, it’s your right to walk away from any partner who you don’t have sexual chemistry with. So, if dominant sex is that much of a big deal to you, go and find a partner who enjoys it as much as you.
There are plenty of them out there...
You may be surprised at the extremes that the dom/sub relationships can reach.
It might also surprise you to learn how many women are keen to give it a go.
Sexual dominance can bring a whole new element of pleasure into the bedroom if you go about it the right way.
With these tips and a willing partner in tow, you’re ready to experiment and enjoy.