Let’s talk about sex. Specifically the female orgasm and how to get the best orgasm out of your partner. It may surprise you, but in the current age of one-pill fixes to sexual dysfunctions and an increasingly laid back attitude towards casual sex, a lot of men still have a lot of difficulty understanding the female orgasm.
As a sex researcher, this has always puzzled me. How is it that we know so much about men’s sexual functioning that we can treat many ailments with a prescription yet so many guys have trouble figuring out how to make a girl have the best orgasm? There’s a pretty big cultural reason for this but that doesn’t mean guys have a get out of jail free card when it comes to satisfying women.
It’s not always simple and every woman is going to be dramatically different for a myriad of reasons. But if you try each one of the tips I give you here, you’re going to be far more likely to learn how to make a girl have the best orgasm.
Even if your partner orgasms every time you have sex, this list is worth heeding. Research finds that four out of five women have a high rate of faking their orgasms when they don’t think the sex alone is going to get them there. Other research finds a lot of men have overestimated their skills at pleasing women. That’s simply not good enough fellas and it’s time we learned how to get the best orgasm from women.
So thank you for doing your partner and yourself a service by making sure she gets to enjoy sex just as much as you do!
Most women need a little more romancing and prep time to reach peak sexual satisfaction during sex. This is especially true for most women over 40.
What are romantic experiences that you could be incorporating into your relationship? Some are little, like lighting candles in the bedroom, flirtatious texts, emails or calls preceding a date night, or taking her to a meaningful location for a special occasion. Other ideas are more personalized such as sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers, writing a heartfelt message in a card, cooking a favorite dish, or taking the time to handle something you know she’s been meaning to get done (what relationship experts call “acts of service”). Whatever it is, romance shows you care and that’s sexy.
Perhaps the best part of this advice is that it leads to noticeable benefits for both partners.
Many men feel that they can’t express interest in romantic gestures due to stereotypes that women are the romantics and men are the sexual initiators. But if you’re wondering how to get the best orgasm from her, it’s time to get in touch with your inner-sentimentalist.
Study after study finds that having more romantic experiences in a relationship keeps couples happier and healthier. For women, romance also bolsters emotional well-being (which is how connected they feel with their partner and the relationship). When emotional well-being is high women have better sex (and more of it). All of this means that you’re much more likely to give your partner her best orgasm when you release your romantic side!
Another old world myth surrounding gender and sex is that women don’t need sexual novelty whereas men are constantly seeking it. This is not so. Women often complain there isn’t enough newness in their sexual routines. It’s something plenty of men complain about as well. So let’s step out of your comfort zone for a bit and spice things up.
Try new positions or locations, some dirty talk or role playing -- with your partner’s approval, of course.
That'll likely be a tad awkward at first. But over time you’ll discover which skills you’re best at, which ones you could get better at and what behaviors result in the most satisfying sex for her and you.
The most sexually satisfied couples have a healthy assortment of sexual behaviors they can try with each other. Variety helps keep libidos high and sexual boredom low, it’s also how to get the best orgasms from both of you during sex.
Along with trying new routines in the bedroom, couples should also try new gadgets and toys. Not only do toys appeal to our kinky side, but they also facilitate the best orgasms from men and especially from women.
How much better could toy-stimulated orgasms be? For men, a prostate massager will greatly enhance the intensity and duration of orgasms. For women, integrating a clitoral massager into sex increases the likelihood they’ll orgasm by as much as 50% compared to women having vaginal penetration alone (this is particularly true for women over 45).
Other great toys to try include cock rings (some of which also vibrate for his and her pleasure), bondage wear, sex game sets, sex swings and other furniture to aid couples who want to attempt more complicated positions.
A trip to your local sex toy store and some advice from the employees there will point you both in the right direction.
Foreplay is largely underrated. We tend to emphasize penetration over what we do before it. Maybe that’s why the average sexual encounter peters out around three-to-seven minutes . . . far too little time for most women to achieve an orgasm.
To increase the duration of sex and the likelihood of her climaxing, take your time easing into penetration. Most women find they want foreplay to last around 19 minutes, so try making that a goal.
This means oral sex, sensual touching, massages, light biting and so much more. Remember: the most important part of foreplay is building sexual tension and having fun. Use your skills to stimulate her sensitive body parts and pay particular attention to her clitoris.
Other actions can build sexual tension as well, like slowly undressing or focusing on sensations outside of touch (like taste, smell, sound and visual stimulants). Eroticize each step towards penetration. By the time you start vaginal intercourse, she may be en route to having multiple orgasms.
One of the biggest hindrances to women having more orgasms is conflating the word “sex” with penetration. Our scope of “sex” can and should include behaviors anticipating and following penetration.
Expanding the sexual purview to include actions like oral, mutual masturbation, erotic touching and anal play allows partners to approach sex with a focus on pleasure in general rather than feeling pressure to “get to the good stuff.”
Eliminating the pressure to perform enables both of you to feel at ease during sex—and being comfortable to “let go” in the bedroom is a strong aphrodisiac. In this way, part of learning how to get the best orgasm from your partner is learning how to see sex in a more holistic way.
This one tends to surprise people. Why? Well rather than incorporate pleasure and safety into the “condom narrative” per se, rubbers have been seen as a contraceptive exclusively. Men complain about the reduction in sensitivity and friction that condoms can cause. Some guys feel they’re too snug, too loose, or the rubber causes them to lose an erection.
But here’s the thing: condoms are like anything else we wear, they need the right fit. A 2010 Kinsey Institute study found that using an ill-fitting condom can cause many of the issues listed above. But with the right fit, condoms should have little impact on your experience.
More pleasure with protection? Hold your eye-roll if you’re interested in how to get the best orgasms out of your partner. Women report higher overall sexual satisfaction when condoms are used in conjunction with birth control. Not worrying about STIs or pregnancy (if she is premenopausal) allows many women to feel more comfortable and present during sex. Again, here’s that idea of allowing her to let go in the bedroom and orgasm.
Finding a good fit is a remarkably easy thing to do.
Just buy a variety of brands and sizes—many sex shops and online stores sell packs with an assortment of condoms for a relatively low price—and spend a night or two trying them out while masturbating. Or, for an added kink factor, try them out with a partner.
The condom should be snug but not constricting and there should be a pocket of loose latex at the hood of the condom (by your penis’ head). I always recommend distributing a small amount of lubricant on your penis before applying the rubber for added sensitivity and comfort.
If you’re dating older women, this one is especially important but it might just be the most important tip anyone will ever give you regardless.
As women age, their genitals have trouble lubricating themselves due to decreased blood flow in the vagina and hormonal changes. This can lead to chafing and fissures during sex, difficulty orgasming and really uncomfortable intercourse. The best method to avoid any discomfort is a good-quality lubricant. My recommendation is a silicone-based lube which will stay wet and slippery for longer. Water-based lubricants also work but tend to dry up faster and can leave a tacky residue that isn’t very comfortable.
Sometimes silicone weirds people out because it’s synthetic. I assure you that there is a very small amount of synthetic material in any high-grade silicone-based lube. Plus, it flushes out of the body as soon as she uses the restroom. Feel free to be liberal with your application to ensure there’s as little discomfort as possible when you two are having sex.
Talking about sex can be tricky or even awkward—and I’m not referring to your ability to make snappy double entendres or sultry dirty talk (although both are signs of a healthy sex life). What I’m discussing here is mature, inquisitive, and open-minded dialogues about sex.
Hopefully, you’re dating a woman who has some experience talking about her sexuality with previous partners. If so, she can help you guide the conversation. If not, then you can introduce her to the practice.
Asking about each others’ turn-ons, desires, and comfort levels in the bedroom is a great start, and it saves you the trouble of trying to guess what she wants. After becoming comfortable with one another, move on to any kinks or fantasies you’d like to try acting out.
Another important part of communication is learning what limitations either partner may have. Postmenopausal women, for instance, are at risk for sexual dysfunctions like vaginismus, vaginal dryness, and difficulty orgasming. All of these conditions may require some adjustments during sex on your part.
The bulk of research on relationships and sex finds that communication about sex is key to improving sexual functioning (a fancy way of saying the ability to have sex easily) and increases partners’ satisfaction with their sex lives. In fact, if I were to give you only one tip from this list on how to get the best orgasm from sex, it’s this one. So invest the time to verbalize what “great sex” means to you and your partner. I guarantee you’ll be rewarded with exactly that: great sex!