I don’t need to tell you all the reasons orgasms are incredible or the benefits of learning how to finger a girl to orgasm properly. What you might not know is one of the most useful tools for female orgasm is attached to your arm. While the penis gets all the attention, the truth is that most women don’t orgasm from vaginal sex. Using your hands opens up a flood of possibilities you might not know you had. Stimulating the clitoris is one of the many proven ways to give her the best orgasm with your hands.
Many men aren’t sure where to start when it comes to fingering a woman. After all, this isn’t a technique you learn in high school sex education. This step-by-step guide tells you everything you need to know about giving a woman the best orgasm she's had using only your hands.
A foolproof guide to give her the best orgasm with your hands.
Being fingered can feel vulnerable for a woman. Make sure this exploration in manual stimulation is consensual. It's better if she shares your passion. And even better if it was her idea. The more she’s into it, the better it’s going to be for both of you (and the easier it will be for her to orgasm).
A woman’s vulva is sensitive. Take a moment to prepare before you get started. It's both a learning experience and sexual exploration. You want to make sure you do it right, that’s why you’re here. Take the proper precautionary steps before you begin so you don’t have to stop mid-fingering.
Wash your hands: The vulva is reactive to outside chemicals and bacteria, and your hands are covered in millions of bacteria. Upsetting the balance of bacteria in the vagina can cause uncomfortable infections. So do her a favor and wash those hands before pawing her lady bits. While you’re at it, make sure your nails are cut. Nobody likes being jabbed in the clitoris with a hangnail.
Use lube: The skin of the vulva is delicate. Even slight friction can cause irritation, which is counterproductive to your goal. You want to make that surface slippery so you can go as long as possible. A few drops of lube on your finger (or her vulva) are all you need. You can rub her longer, and her sensations will be magnified.
Get comfortable: The best way to prepare yourself is to ask how she’ll be most comfortable. But if it’s your first time, it’s vital that you can see what you’re doing. An excellent position to get into is one where her vulva is directly in front of you. Sit up on the bed, with her lying spread eagle in front of you (legs facing you). This way you can see her vulva, and read her facial cues.
It’s essential that you become acquainted with the parts of the vulva. You should be able to find your way around one with your eyes closed. Because, chances are, at some point you’re going to be navigating that sweet girl by touch alone. Each part of the vulva has the potential to bring her pleasure, and you’ll be experimenting with all of them.
Outer labia. The outer labia are the two folds of skin (or “lips”) that cover the vulva. Of all the parts in the vulva, the outer labia are usually the least sexually responsive. Even so, some women experience pleasure when they are rubbed or gently pulled.
Inner labia. The inner labia are the two lips just inside the outer labia. They don’t have any pubic hair and are much more sensitive. The inner labia are one of a woman’s erogenous zones. They’re covered in nerve endings, so they respond sexually to touch.
Vagina. The vaginal opening is further down, towards the anus (where the inner labia meet at the bottom). It’s the entryway to the cervix and G-Spot. It’s muscular and elastic. When aroused, it secretes vaginal lubrication via the vaginal walls. Stimulation to the G-Spot through the vagina can lead to orgasm.
Clitoris. The clitoris is the small, bulbous pouch at the top of the vulva (appropriately placed at the apex). It’s the zenith of the orgasm experience for most women. 73 percent of women say the clitoris is the best method of orgasm. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings within it, making it the most sensitive part of the female body. Any direct contact with the clitoris is subject to sexual response.
Before you even touch her vulva, spend some time teasing her. Foreplay is an underrated pastime. Kiss her passionately while you gently rub her thighs. Whisper all the things you want to do to her. Lightly stroke your fingers up her inner thigh, across her neck, lips, butt cheek. Even after you’ve removed her clothes, keep teasing her. Go in for the goods, then pass them. Run your fingers down her entire body, passing over erogenous zones (lips, neck, breasts, stomach, belly button). When you get to the vulva, move to the side and go down the leg instead. Smile and kiss her. Build up the sexual tension until she can’t stand it anymore.
If you’re new to her body and don’t know what she likes, it’s good to have a plan. A safe plan to start with is going from the least to most sensitive parts of her vulva. In other words, touch her from the outside in.
The first phase of learning how to finger someone properly is to find out what she likes. For this, you’ll do a little exploration. Moving from the outer labia to the inner labia, give her some light strokes. Lube up your fingers and slowly, delicately move them up and down her outer lips. Then run your fingers to her inner lips and work them around, up and down.
Pay close attention to her facial and vocal cues. Is she smiling, parting or biting her lips, or tipping her head back? Is she moaning or grunting in pleasure, or saying “yes”? Is she pressing her hips up, closer to your hand? Or clutching the sheets or your arm? These are all pleasure cues. Make a mental note of them so you know she likes those spots and touches.
When you’ve exhausted the outer and inner lips, slip a (lubed) finger into her vaginal opening. Very slowly. Don’t go in all guns blazing. This isn’t the rodeo. Watch her face when you slip your finger inside her because some women don’t like vaginal fingering. Slip your finger in and out a few times. If she doesn’t respond at all, it’s relatively safe to say she’s not into it (you can ask her later to verify).
If she gives positive cues, curl the end of your finger and move it around inside of her while you slowly slip in and out. Curl the finger repeatedly inside her vagina (as if saying “come hither”). Pay attention to her reaction when your finger is pointed toward her belly button, as this is where her G-Spot is. You can also try inserting another finger, to see if she likes that.
Very slowly remove your finger from her vagina. Apply lube and slide it up to her clitoris. Begin with small, gentle touches, some tapping. Then delicate flicking. From there you can begin experimenting with other movements. Up and down, side to side, circular motions. Some women like it when you place the clitoris between two fingers and slide it up and down. Some women don’t even like direct touch, because the clitoris is too sensitive. They prefer to be touched on the sides of the clitoris.
Continue to watch her reactions and take mental notes. Whatever you do, make sure to be gentle unless she asks otherwise. Remember, the clitoris is very sensitive. It’s likely that you’ll need to keep touching very gently and lightly through this part of your exploration.
With each movement, start very slowly, increasing your intensity. Try using different fingers. You’ll need to try each movement for at least a minute or so to see if she digs it. Women respond to repetition, so it may take a minute before she knows if it feels good.
The goal is to find the sweet spot, to learn what she likes, so you can go back and try more of that. If she’s not responding to anything, you can ask her. “Do you like it when I do this? How about this? Does this feel good?”
By now you should have some idea of what she likes, even if you are just learning how to finger a girl. She’s probably a little fired up, ready for you to give her the goods. Hopefully, she’s given you some feedback (verbal or non-verbal) about what feels good. Use this information. Go back to the spots she likes the most.
Maybe she responded well to rubbing her inner labia. Go back and start stroking those again. Do you remember how she likes it? If not, don’t worry. Don’t be afraid to ask. Communication is vital in times like this. Give those lips some loving attention again. Gentle strokes.
Perhaps she’s a woman who can orgasm from vaginal stimulation. Insert your (lubed) finger back into her vagina. Tease her a little, don’t go straight for the G-Spot. Does she like the slow in-and-out motion? Or did she prefer some rotation action? Think back. Take your time; you’re not in a hurry. Neither is she. Don’t be afraid to use both hands. You can gently rub her clitoris while you stroke the inside of her vagina as well. This move is more advanced, so don’t feel pressured to do it on the first try.
Chances are she probably likes being touched somewhere around her clitoris. Did she respond better to direct or indirect stimulation? If you’re unsure, try rubbing the side of the clitoris. Or starting with large circular movements and tightening your circle until you’re rubbing the tip of the clitoris.
The point is to remember and find those magic spots that drive her wild. When you do, keep doing them. When you start to hear her moan in pleasure, keep doing that. Be persistent and rhythmic. You don’t need to do it harder or faster unless she asks you to. Keep doing it exactly as you are. This is key.
Eventually, she will orgasm. You’ll know it’s coming (pun intended) because you will feel her body tense, her breathing speed up, her moans change. You can try touching her on the thigh or kissing her. Sometimes that will send her over the edge. But it also has the potential to interrupt her focus, so this is only a good idea if you know her well. Here are other ways to know if a girl orgasms that you can watch out for.
When she does orgasm, keep it up just a little longer, but let up on your pressure. If you’re not sure when to stop, don’t worry- she’ll tell you.
After you have successfully fingered a girl to orgasm, have a conversation. Make any necessary adjustments to your process. For next time (because there will be a next time). Every woman’s vulva is unique, and each woman has individual needs. Some women prefer to be touched on one side of her body. Some can only orgasm if she's touched a certain way. It’s possible she had a hard time focusing, or wanted something she was unable to communicate. Having an open, honest dialogue is critical to ensuring she has the best orgasm with your hands.
She may need to show you what she likes and that’s okay.
You may need to use toys and that’s also okay. Bullet vibrators are a great addition to hand stimulation. And if you don’t want to use a separate gadget, you can use vibration technology on your fingertips.
Keep making changes until you get it just right. It probably won’t be the first time. As long as you communicate, it will happen quickly.
Giving her an orgasm with your hands is a process. But you’re in the right place and you’re making the right decision. A recent study looked into what factors are most likely to make someone orgasm. Hand stimulation was one of them.
Manual stimulation is a trusting experience. Giving herself over to you is an honor you should be proud of. Let it bring you closer together and be a step in your sexual intimacy. But above all, have fun.