When it comes to sex, society reveres subtlety. This would be fine if we weren’t so damn effective at convincing ourselves she isn’t interested in spite of signs a woman wants you sexually.
Besides approach anxiety, one of the most difficult things in the dating world actually revolves around you. Specifically your ability to acknowledge she’s into you without explaining it all away.
Today, let’s just focus on the top-three signs a woman wants you sexually. From there we can cover how you’re going to deal with it.
We talk regularly about using touch as a test to see if she’s comfortable with you. More often than not we’re talking about you touching her and seeing how she responds.
If she’s the one initiating the touch that’s a very strong signal from her. It’s a bold, conscious move. She wants to make sure you’re paying attention and when it happens, you better do just that.
The more obvious she is about this, the more you can be sure it’s sexual attraction. A slight brush on the elbow may be nothing. If she’s leaning on you with her hand on your thigh though, you don’t need me to tell you that you’re in. Just stop telling yourself you’re not and get on with it!
I’m not talking about an invitation to her house for Netflix and chill. Again, you don’t need me to point that out. I’m talking about more subtle invites.
It could be anything from a trip to IKEA to drinks with her friends. Whatever it is, she wants to spend more time with you. Use that to your advantage and don’t be afraid to reciprocate.
Group invites are great but if you’re often being asked to go somewhere alone with her, it’s starting to get pretty obvious.
Since you’re reading this, you’re obviously attracted to her too, right? No doubt if she keeps steering the conversation toward sexual topics, you’re 100 percent engaged in what she has to say. Rather than losing yourself in the mental imagery, recognize why she’s doing it.
The odd innuendo is one thing. If she’s sitting there talking about her sexual experiences and inquiring about yours, that’s a big deal. Think about someone that you have no interest in sleeping with. Now picture yourself talking about sex with them . . . sounds awkward, huh? It’s no different for her. If she’s the one initiating the conversation there’s likely sexual attraction there.
All three of these are pretty strong sings. That’s great because there’s now much less pressure on you for the perfect delivery. If she’s praying you’ll invite her back to yours, her care factor for your awkward delivery will be a hard zero.
So let’s look at how to escalate from this point and make the most of this great situation.
She’s attracted to you just as you are. It’s a surprisingly easy trap to fall into so don’t let it happen to you.
If you’re usually funny, maybe a bit cheeky and confident, then lucky you. Work with that. On the other hand, if you’re usually a little shy and quirky, don’t go imitating that pick-up artist you saw on YouTube. Instead, stay true to who you are and spend a bit of time preparing yourself.
I used to be the shy and reserved type, so social interaction wasn’t my forte. The worst thing I could do would be to try asking her out without preparation. My lack of conversation skills and the pressure of the situation meant I’d make a mess of it. Instead, I’d just spend a bit of time figuring out the basics.
I don’t mean getting a copy of the office floor plan and sketching out the perfect scenario. Just spend a bit of time finding somewhere you’d both enjoy going and in a prior conversation, ask her what she’s up to on the weekend.
If you know she’s free Saturday afternoon and have a plan prepared, it’s time to ask her out. You’ve now got so much less to think about so the delivery is sure to be more polished.
There are few things more frustrating than this — unfortunately I speak from experience. She’s giving you pretty obvious signs and you spend days explaining them away. When you finally work up the courage to do something about it, you find out she’s already moved on. Ouch.
Appearing desperate can be just as bad so don’t feel that you have to act immediately. Instead, just be conscious that you do have a fairly small window to make your move.
If she’s invited you out and you’ve just spent the afternoon with her somewhere, don’t feel you have to leave it there. Instead, be more proactive and see how she responds.
Make a date suggestion for some time next week that has the potential to escalate. What I mean by this is to pick an activity that lends itself well to staying out together afterward. Rather than meeting at a cinema you both have to drive to, maybe choose a restaurant near a cool bar. If things are going well by the end of the meal, suggest that you both head to the bar for a few drinks.
When you choose somewhere you’ll have to drive to, offer to pick her up to keep options open. If you both to drive to something quiet and docile like a movie, your options are very limited.
Feel things out along the way, read the signals and if it’s looking good, escalate. For more helpful advice on what to look for on that date, check out my earlier article on how to know if a girl wants to kiss you. It offers some great tips that will help you figure out if and when you should make your move.
By this point you’ve already noticed the signs a woman wants you sexually, so why beat around the bush? I don’t mean you should be crass but this is the time to make your intentions clear. Be a little more forward and perhaps a bit cheeky, it’ll treat you well.
Let’s look at an example here. Let’s say she’s initiated a flirty conversation about sex and she’s sharing some type of positive sexual experience with you. Rather than responding sheepishly, really engage with the topic. With a bit of a confident smirk you could go with something like:
“I’m surprised. For some reason I figured you’d be the adventurous type in bed.”
There’s no way this doesn’t spark more conversation about her sexual preferences and experience. Working with this topic is a great way to start the escalation and learn about what she likes. Hopefully this knowledge will come in handy later, right?
Now that you’re happily talking about her bedroom antics, you can also bring the conversation to yourself a little as well. For example, in response to something she’s experimented with:
“That’s pretty hot, I won’t lie. So what type do you think I am in bed?”
She’s now thinking about sex with you and that’s a great thing. If the conversation is still going strong, she’s obviously comfortable with you and this idea. It’s still important that you don’t let this drag on and go stale. There’s no particular time limit on it but nobody finds it hot to sit and talk about sex for three hours on end.
At some point it’s time to go for that exciting first kiss and see where the night takes you. If you’ve noticed the three signals I talked about earlier then it’s a pretty safe bet she’s just as eager.
So there you have it, three strong signs a woman wants you sexually and some simple tips on how to respond. The great thing is that now you know what you’re looking for, these signals will seem so much more obvious.
Try not to overthink it and get caught up in your head. Instead, enjoy the fact that you’re in this position and have a great time with her, whatever the outcome. Often the best thing you can do for your own mindset is just go out to have fun.