Today I’ll talk about how to flirt with women and what real flirting is all about.
I'll refrain from giving generic advice like “hold steady eye contact and smile a lot,” and go more into specifics that work.
I’ll also explain what to say when flirting with a girl you’ve just met to have her like you. As well as show you some of the biggest mistakes men make when meeting women and how to avoid them.
Learning how to flirt properly is essential if you want to be successful with women and we are going to share the best tips our team has learned over the years (tips you won't even find in the best dating books for guys). It doesn’t matter if you want to have many casual lovers or start a great relationship with just one woman. Because you’ll have neither if you don’t understand how to do all of this the right way.
There are many guys who hesitate to flirt with women because they don’t know how. But after learning the ins and outs, guys even start looking forward to meeting women because it’s just so much fun.
What is flirting and why we do it
Flirting is nothing more than an interaction between two people, where one of them indirectly and often playfully shows his or her interest in the other, without explicitly stating it.
Or, if you want a more scientific explanation, then flirting is a natural human instinct that aids in our process of weeding out the people who aren’t compatible with us, in order to find the perfect potential life mate. Now, the part about it being a natural human instinct is incredibly important.
That’s because everyone flirts. In their own way, whether they realize it or not. Obviously, some people do it significantly better than others, while some fail miserably at it. But we all still do it because it’s a part of our natural drive to procreate and make sure our genes survive.
Knowing this, it’s vital to understand that pretty much anyone can learn how to flirt successfully, no matter where they’re at. Because while it’s a natural instinct, it’s also something you can improve on, like a skill.
So don’t be discouraged if you’re no good at this right now. Because with a bit of time and effort practicing, you’ll undoubtedly become a successful seducer.
Finally, each person has a different tactic for communicating their attraction towards someone. You can call it their flirting style. This works for flirting in person or online (check out one of the hookup apps that have worked for us if you are still struggling to meet someone).
There are many different styles of flirting; too many to list, in fact. And it’s crucial to know that there’s no single “best way to flirt” with the opposite sex.
That’s because flirting is simply an extension of your personality. And as with any individual, even though there are some similarities in personalities, they’re still unique to each person.
That’s why what works for one person may not work for someone else because it would be incongruent with their personality.
How do you flirt the right way?
The right way to do it would be to find out what type of flirting works best for you and then play on those strengths.
Basically, you need to figure out how to showcase your personality and who you are to women in the best possible way. Without being too ambiguous or you’ll run the risk of being called creepy or weird.
In other words, it should be obvious to women that you’re flirting with them.
So, which way of flirting is right for you? Well, that all depends on what you feel most comfortable with and where you are. If you are online or out in public (maybe at one of our recommended places for meeting women) makes a difference.
Here are some of the main ways of doing it:
- Flirt playfully and casually or do it in a serious manner
- Physical flirting and through powerful eye contact as well as body language
- You can be very direct about it or flirt overtly and discreetly
There's also flirting sincerely and politely, or what’s otherwise known as the traditional manner. But even though that’s a good way for some guys, most do it completely wrong because of various misconceptions. The type men get from Hollywood movies, romance novels and cheesy dramas where the nice guy always gets the girl.
Most ways of flirting have some advantages and disadvantages to them. But whether they work will always depend on the mindsets and the attitude of the person.
Personally, I prefer and have most success with combining playful and physical flirting. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that it’s the ultimate way of flirting and getting massive results. Because everyone has their own unique sense of humor and everyone can be physical with women. Which is why when showing you how to flirt with women, I’ll mostly focus on that particular way.
How to Flirt with a Girl without Being Creepy
The majority of dating advice (arguably, pick-up artist strategies) is dependent on trying one's best not to get rejected and adjusting our behaviors according to hers.
I'd like to redefine the metric of success: it should not be about being rejected, but if you ‘played to win'. This means being able to push your interactions in a romantic/ sexual manner.
In my experience, the more her personality leans towards the feminine end, the more you are going to be required to lead in the interaction. She's not going to initiate for you.
To lead in any male-to-female interaction in a charismatic manner, it's all about learning how to flirt. In general, there are two ways of flirting. There is a direct manner of flirting, and an indirect manner of flirting.
How to flirt and get great results
Now that you know the answer to “What is flirting?” question, let’s get to the juicy bits.
Like I said before; from my extensive experience, a combination of physical and playful flirting is far superior to any other way. Simply because this makes for the most fun and exciting interactions with women.
So when you’re around women, focus on being playful and physical. But keep it casual and lighthearted, without taking yourself or the situation too seriously.
That’s because women enjoy a man’s company much more if they’re having fun, laughing and feeling challenged throughout the interaction. While also getting to see that you’re a physical guy who’s comfortable with himself and with touching women.
Which is why traditional flirting isn’t very successful for most guys. Because most of the time, it’s too timid and doesn’t include any touching.
Imagine a date where both the guy and the girl sit on the opposite ends of the table. They never touch each other and ask only serious or informational questions. Without challenging one another, without laughing or having fun. That’s the worst date ever and never ends well.
And without any physical touch, there can never be any real sexual attraction between two people. Because for women to eventually want to start a sexual relationship with you, they have to become comfortable with the thought of being physical with you.
The Guide to Direct Flirting
There's really no magic behind direct flirting. The definition of direct flirting means expressing your affection and romantic intent for her in a direct manner.
This is done usually by making statements and physical expressions:
- Light social touching to see how well she responses on a date
- Trying to hold her hand on a date
- Trying to be more intimate in her physical space on a date
- Making romantic statements like "I find you attractive" or "you're beautiful"
The art of direct flirting consists of simply pulling the trigger, facing the impending success, disappointment or rejection. If you're going to be rejected, so be it... at least you failed through playing to win.
The downside of expressing your interest directly is that women might not be ready for it and they haven't invested enough in the interaction. You're also putting all your eggs on the table by taking a direct risk. Imagine going up to an attractive girl, telling her she's beautiful, sexy, and that you'll do anything to date her... she's going to be bored outright. Girls like you to be able to flirt. They enjoy the to and fro, flirting process a lot more than us guys.
Secondly, being able to flirt charismatically in a witty manner makes you stand out from every other guy out there... and... this brings me to indirect flirting.
The best way to flirt playfully and casually is to use teasing as well as what’s called “pushing & pulling.”
These will show women you’re confident, fun to be with, and challenging. That you’re not afraid to ruffle their feathers because you’re anything but desperate. While also being self-amusing and not caring too much about what other people think of you.
I make sure to tease women all the time, no matter if I’m on a date or out on the town. It’s just such an effective way of flirting and gets amazing results consistently when done properly.
I always recommend to guys who want to learn how to casually flirt that they learn about teasing. If you’re not familiar with it; teasing is all about intentionally ruffling women’s feathers so they get emotionally affected by you. And showing that you have guts and a great sense of humor.
The important thing to understand is that you have to do it playfully and not in a mean-spirited way. Otherwise, you’ll just come off as a real asshole, or be called creepy and weird.
And if you’re unfamiliar with pushing and pulling, then know that it’s definitely one of the most effective ways to flirt in general. But there has to be a balance to it or it can backfire on you.
That’s because if there’s too much of “pushing,” she’ll just think you’re a jerk or that you’re not interested in her at all. And if there’s too much “pull,” she’ll think you’re needy and desperate.
And please don’t get stuck doing just these two things. They’re supposed to be sprinkled lightly throughout a conversation and not all the time.
Now I’ll show you how to do both properly and how to casually flirt using these techniques.
A short guide on how to tease women
You can tease women by mocking and mimicking their voice or actions in a funny and exaggerated way. And by playfully treating them like your little sibling, or a child.
Saying stuff like “Aww, you’re sooo cute when you say it like that, it’s so adorable!” can do wonders for attraction when done the right way.
Other ways of teasing include making up funny, exaggerated stereotypes if she fits a certain profile. Or by giving her a silly nickname.
For example, if she’s always talking a lot when with you, you can call her a chatterbox. If you heard her snort while laughing, call her Snorty.
Another great way of teasing women is to eventually accuse them of being too sexually aggressive and trying to hit on you. When she touches you, saying something like “Hey, hey! Hands off the merchandise!” while flashing a cheeky grin is the perfect example of this.
Also, if you want to be extra cheeky, then doing the opposite of what she asks of you, but in a funny way, works amazingly well. Like if she asks you to pass the salt, but you slowly put it on the opposite end of the table completely out of her reach, all while smiling slyly.
These things drive women crazy, but in a really good way. They show women that you have personality, charm, confidence and a sense of humor.
I also like role-playing with women by thinking up funny and insanely exaggerated scenarios and putting us into them. Like asking what she’d do if it suddenly started raining money and making fun of how she’d spend it all on male-hookers and a mountain of cocaine.
The possibilities of teasing are endless and it’s one of the best ways of flirting with women.
How "pushing and pulling" works
Pushing and pulling is an amazing way to build attraction and also have women chase you.
Just don’t confuse this with what’s called “negging,” which is a terrible way of flirting that most guys use incorrectly. Negging should only be done by someone who knows exactly why and when to do it. Because it often ends in disaster when done by beginners.
In any case, pushing and pulling is all about being nice and naughty in the same breath. It’s meant to challenge women and to compliment them in a way that’s showing them you’re not putting women on a pedestal.
If done right, this way of flirting is fun, exciting and very effective because it shows your strength of character. It also shows that you’re not desperate to please, which is always very attractive to women.
A great example of doing this would be saying things like “You're crazy, you know that, right? I don't even know why I talk to you sometimes.” While also having your arm around her because it sends mixed messages.
Personally, I often say “We’d never get along in a million years, we’re just too similar!” when I find out something about her that I also do or enjoy. Or “You’re too much of a nice girl for me!” if I notice her being overly polite.
Basically, it’s about saying something nice and not nice at the same time, at appropriate moments. Using your words, you pull her in and then slightly push her away. Or you push her away and then draw her closer to you.
In one of the examples above, the pushing part would be “We’d never get along!” And the pulling part is “We’re just too similar.”
This affects women emotionally by sending mixed messages.
Pushing and pulling physically
In fact, on the right occasions, you can even do this type of flirting physically!
I mean by literally pulling her a bit closer to you, as if you’re going to kiss her, and then pushing her away with a smirk. That would be the ultimate tease and spark some very strong attraction. Provided she already likes you somewhat and is comfortable with your touch.
Other examples would be to playfully tap her on the arm or leg with an approving smirk, when she does or says something cool or funny. And playfully push her away if she says something weird or dumb, saying she’s silly.
Just don’t try and do these things right away, as soon as you meet someone. Unless you know there’s already some attraction between you. Because this type of flirting requires that you get to know someone for a little bit and for them to like you at least somewhat.
If you start doing this right off the bat when there’s zero attraction going on, you’ll often end up getting slapped or have a drink thrown in your face.
Physical touching has to be gradual and other people have to get used to it first before you try something big.
This brings me to my next very important point. Which you should know before learning where to touch a woman when flirting.
The importance of being physical
I can’t overstate the importance of being physical while flirting with women. It’s one of the most important things if you want to be successful with women and start many sexual relationships.
In fact, not being physical on a date and waiting way too long is one of the absolute biggest mistakes men can make.
If you don’t start being physical and enough time passes, women will think you’re too timid and meek, and you’ll get nowhere. Often, you’ll end up in the dreaded friend zone.
The last thing you want to do is to let women know you’re too afraid to touch them or that you’re uncomfortable with doing so.
That’s why I always say you should be physical with women right from the start, but gradually.
When you meet someone you like, shake her hand or give a friendly hug. When you enter some venue with her, usher her in with your hand on her back. High-five her when she says something you genuinely like. Touch her shoulder when trying to make an important point. Touch her when telling various stories from your life, especially if those stories involve one person touching another.
You get the idea; as much touching and as often as you can but without overdoing it.
Eventually, when you both like each other enough, that touch will naturally progress towards something more intimate and sexual. That way she won’t be surprised when you suddenly put your hand on her thigh or your arm around her shoulders.
Sex is just a natural progression of your physicality. The ultimate conclusion of being in physical contact with someone who you like. It has to begin somewhere, so don’t miss all the important steps in between or you’ll never get any!
So how do you flirt using physicality?
Now let’s talk about where to touch a woman when flirting and how to be physical the right way.
Women have to understand that you have absolutely no problem with touching other people, especially those you like. That you’re a physical guy.
However, when you’ve just met and don’t know each other enough, touch her only in places where friends or acquaintances would. This means you can touch her on the arm, give a light hug or put your arm on her lower back at appropriate moments.
Anything more than that will often be inappropriate and uncomfortable for women who don’t know you enough.
But once you’ve spent some time getting to know each other and when you’ve gone beyond just small talk and started flirting, everything becomes different.
After you start flirting, hopefully using light teasing as well as pushing and pulling, you need to ramp up your touching once you see she’s enjoying your company.
The more she’s enjoying herself with you, the more confident and aggressive you can get with your touch.
For example, during one of your jokes, especially when teasing her, you can put your arm around her shoulders. Draw her in, shake her a bit in a playful way and even nudge her when saying something silly.
High five her when she says something awesome or tells a joke of her own. Role-play some silly scenario with all of the touching involved. If you’re in a club and there’s music, don’t hesitate to lift her up and spin her around.
Basically, become progressively more physical and don’t be shy. Just like you’d do with someone you’ve known for a very long time and are super comfortable being around.
Because that’s the main point of it all, for her to become completely comfortable with you and your touch as well.
How to Flirt without being Awkward: Look for Positive Signals
There was once I was out with a friend last night at a bar in the city. Three girls sat beside him and I opened and got to know them. I initially thought I had the entire night to spill my game. Until one friend signaled to the group that she was tired and wanted to go home. There are no moral victories in the game of dating. If her friend desire to go home, the rest may follow suit.
One hour into the interaction, I had positive results with the girl I was interested in, I could tell:
- She's slightly chasing
- She's laughing
If she's giving you positive signals, then you can increase your intensity of flirting. Yes, you can flirt with a girl indirectly by not showing interest directly and making her chase a little.
However, in some cases, you may overdo it. In this case, I didn't get to the point and I played it too cool. She’s obviously attracted. Instead of making a connection I pushed and teased too much. I wanted her to invest and to chase more. I also took quite a depersonalized approach to the interaction. I didn't truly get to know her as a genuine person.
It got to the point that I was trying way too hard and there wasn't any genuine connection between us. Needless to say, I went home empty-handed.
If a girl is attracted and is giving you positive signals, don’t overstep your mark and make her chase too much. It’s okay to demonstrate interest and flirt directly. It's also okay to 'be a little needy' to demonstrate that you're sincere about dating her and ensuring your interaction moves forward.
For example, if you had an amazing interaction with a girl you met at the club and if she decides to go to the bathroom in the club, you can follow her despite it looking 'needy'. It's much better than losing the entire interaction.
Taking that social risk and trying to get her back to yours is much better than playing it cool and losing an interaction completely.
How To Flirt in a Sexual Manner
Every modern dating problem starts off with the proposition that women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Modern culture tends to equate love with sex, and sex with commitment and passion with unconditional love. Henceforth the burn question on millions of millions of men's minds... how to get a girl to come over to yours?
Is there a way to flirt sexually in a comfortable manner for her?
First off, you can only flirt sexually with women that are already giving you positive signals. She HAS to be interested.
Whilst traveling through Europe, I found myself in multiple situations where I could have gotten a girl to come back to mine if I settled for second best.
However, I got greedy and only desired the most attractive girl on that particular night out. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t giving me positive signals. It didn’t matter if she said she had a boyfriend. I told myself: "I’m not settling for anything less" and continued to flirt with a girl that wasn't showing me any interest.
If there are many options starting in a particular night out... it is okay to be greedy. However, towards the end of the night, you want to be smart and focus on the interactions where there is an expected return. If a girl who isn’t the most attractive in the venue is interested in you and it is nearing the end of the night. You should go for her instead of gunning for the ones that aren't showing an expected return.
The art of flirting sexually is a no-brainer. Once you have broken the physical boundary between you and her, the rest usually is quite easy:
- Holding hands
- Holding her by the waist
- Frontal hugging
- Light kisses
- Heavy make outs
- Heavy patting
The key concept here is to not overdo it and always pull back a little. You can always make statements like "you're so sexy and you're bad news for me" or pull back when there's too much sexual tension. This means being the first one to stop kissing, the first one to let go of the hug.
See, the art of flirting is simply pushing, pulling, and building sexual tension and desire in her.
This takes on the same principle of pushing pulling and making her chase more.
Time to get intimate
Little by little, as her attraction towards you grows, you’ll need to start touching her in a more intimate manner.
Take her hand in yours and massage it lightly while talking to her. Caress her back or put your arm on her hips or leg if you’re sitting close to each other. Touch her hair, twirl it around. Lean in and whisper something in her ear while lightly touching her cheek with yours. Brush the back of your palm on her cheek, right before kissing her.
For bonus points, don’t forget to incorporate a little bit of pushing and pulling just before your first kiss. That’ll drive her insane and she’ll want it even more.
You see, the more she’s attracted to you, the closer in her proximity you should be. Until you eventually start making out with her and she’s ready to have sex with you.
You start off as strangers who are far away from each other and eventually end up in each other’s arms. To do that, you have to be touching her every step of the way, gradually.
Otherwise, if you haven’t been touching her all day and then suddenly decide to be bold and “make your move,” she’ll just freak out. Because it was all so sudden and went from zero straight to a hundred without any warning. Which is another huge mistake many men make.
Don’t worry so much about what to say when flirting with a girl. Because it’s not about what you say most of the time, but how you say it.
Your attitude, mindsets and how confidently you carry yourself is infinitely more important than the exact words you use.
Keep this in mind when learning how to flirt and get used to relying on yourself and your personality, instead of some pickup lines.