It’s time to learn what to talk about with a girl if you want to have successful conversations and create attraction.
Your skill as a conversationalist is important because there’s no better way to convey your personality to women, disarm their reservations and make them more comfortable around you. As well as let on to them what you’re all about as a man. This is especially true if you've noticed signs that a girl wants to talk to you.
Boring conversations kill attraction, while fun and interesting ones spark intrigue and move things forward.
That’s why I’ll show you some of the things to avoid when talking to women. As well as discuss the best practices of talking with girls, which increase attraction and also your chances of success. Because understanding what not to do is just as important as knowing what works, if you want to have awesome conversations.
If you're still looking for more options, or any options, we've also put together a list of really great places to meet single girls that guys tend to overlook. More options are always better, especially if you know how to talk to them.
Understanding What to Talk About With a Girl
Before I show you how to chat with a girl successfully, let’s talk about the bad stuff. Because if you do any of these things below, you’ll quickly ruin any chances you might have at a decent conversation.
I’m not going to mention common sense stuff like “Don’t be a rude jerk.” Instead, I’ll mostly highlight things men often don’t even realize they’re doing wrong.
Stop trying to figure out the best things to say
First and most important of all, when you’re in a conversation with a woman, don’t focus on trying to find “the best things to say” to her.
It’s ridiculous how many men make this mistake and later live to regret it. They undermine themselves before they even begin. They never disagree, never say anything offensive and are afraid to ruffle feathers. This is incredibly boring and creates zero tension, which is necessary for attraction.
Women eventually notice such behavior and all attraction dissipates immediately since they see you can’t give them an honest opinion.
That’s because women don’t like men who are trying too hard to please or impress them. And if a guy is constantly hesitating and questioning himself, trying his hardest not to say “the wrong” thing for fear of displeasing his date, it really shows.
A guy like that gets labeled as a desperate doormat pretty quickly. And there’s no coming back from it.
So how do you avoid this mistake when figuring out what to talk about with a girl you like?
Well, by accepting the fact that you’ll never be able to please everyone you meet. Trying to do so will actually cause more harm than good, so there’s no point in doing it. Besides, a little conflict is required to be challenging and to create strong attraction.
Trying your hardest to never say anything wrong doesn’t work since each woman is unique. So what may work on one may not necessarily work on another. If everyone behaved the same and responded similarly to your words, dating would be incredibly dull and boring.
Don’t brag and stay humble
This is yet another huge mistake many guys make when conversing with women. Especially those they find very attractive and want to sleep with.
It’s particularly cringe-inducing when the topic’s about money.
So let me make this clear once and for all: Unless you’re with a gold-digger or a prostitute who only wants you for your money and nothing else, then women don’t really care how much cash you’ve got. As long as you’re not a bum and can support yourself.
Because it’s not the things you own nor the size of your wallet that makes you an attractive man to women of quality. It’s how you can make them feel when they’re around you.
As an example, a good friend of mine used to work as a bartender at a high-end bar, which lots of rich businessmen frequented. He also had a stunning, very intelligent and creative girlfriend who’d often pick him up after work. Those businessmen would gawk at her and constantly wonder what such a gorgeous girl could ever see in a guy who looks unassuming and makes in a year what most of them do in a week. They’d often flash their riches at her and get rejected hard.
Those guys failed to realize that money makes no difference if you have the personality of a door-knob.
So, when you’re talking to women and you become the focus of the conversation, stay humble. Especially if you’ve achieved some very impressive things and are wealthy.
Let them figure things out on their own because it’ll be much more impactful if they “piece together” your impressive accomplishments themselves. Than if you actively try to flaunt your achievements yourself.
You’ll also seem much more accessible and attainable and they won’t feel out of their element that way.
Stop interviewing women
Asking questions is the cornerstone of any conversation because they propel it forward and keep the momentum going.
Many guys want to find out what to ask a girl when talking to her, but they often do it for the wrong reason. Namely, they’re afraid they may run out of things to say.
There’s nothing wrong with learning some great questions to ask women to spice up your conversations. But when the whole thing devolves into an interview, it becomes excruciatingly boring for the girl, especially if you're making it obvious that you want to ask if the girl likes you.
So don’t make the same mistake that a lot of guys make. That is, the mistake of barraging women with questions. One after the other, in quick succession, without giving much thought to pursuing some topic further.
A conversation is a two-way street and there has to be some back-and-forth between you and the girl you like. You’ll have a hard time connecting with one another on a deeper level if you dominate the conversation with questions without delving deeper into the answers. And without letting her ask some questions of her own.
This is especially agonizing for women if the questions are generic and dull.
“What do you do for a living?”
“Where are you from?”
“What school did you go to?”
“What did you study?”
If you want your conversation to go well, don’t make it into an interview. Because that’s never attractive and women will often lose interest in such topics quickly.
At least make your questions more interesting and unique because they’ve heard all the standard ones a million times before, from every other guy.
You’ll see some better examples of what to ask a girl below.
What to talk about with a girl you like to have great conversations
Now let me show you the stuff that increases your chances of success during conversations significantly.
Again, there won’t be any generic stuff like “Smile a lot and tell her she’s wonderful.” I’m going to go much deeper than that and highlight things that build massive attraction and let you connect with women.
Speak your mind freely
Speaking your mind is important when learning what to talk about with a girl.
If you only try to say what you think girls would like to hear, you’ll sell yourself short. Because what girls like to hear is your honest opinion on something, rather than a lie just to delight them for a brief moment.
For example, if a girl really likes to listen to Drake and tells you so, don’t be all “Yeah, I really like Drake too!” Unless it’s the truth and you also genuinely enjoy listening to this particular artist.
If you don’t, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “Eh, I don’t really care much for Drake. I like to listen to whatever-it-is-you-listen-to.”
Disagreeing with someone won’t ruin your chances with them if you simply express your honest opinion.
It’s not like you being a fan of what she likes will instantly make her attracted to you. Because when she inevitably asks you some in-depth questions about the topic, you’ll start sweating pretty soon. If she then realizes you were faking it just to get in her good graces, she’ll lose all respect for you.
That’s why trying to force a connection instead of connecting on something you both genuinely enjoy often ends in disaster.
So here’s the important bit: Saying what’s genuinely on your mind is completely fine.
In fact, saying what’s on your mind is something I encourage greatly. Because women respect truth and honesty, and they rarely meet men who say it like it is.
A guy who speaks his mind is like a rare unicorn. This also makes all conversations very easy because you’re not trying to hide behind some facade and not trying to pretend to be someone you’re not.
Just don’t be crude
However, speaking your mind doesn’t mean you have to be completely unfiltered. Because removing your filters completely and always saying exactly what pops into your head at any given moment is just plain stupid.
Some thoughts can be crude, inconsiderate, heartless, awkward and even very hurtful when expressed at the wrong time. The last thing you want to do is to look like you’re socially inept and clueless.
You want to be honest, not tactless. There is a right way to tell a woman you want them sexually and a wrong way.
What I’m saying is that in order to have great conversations and for women to like you, you have to be authentic.
Authenticity simply means you represent your true nature or beliefs when you’re talking to people. And you don’t pretend to like and enjoy things you don’t like. Or feign interest in things that aren’t interesting to you at all, just to try and impress someone.
If you’re being authentic when talking to women, they’ll always respect you. It creates trust, makes people comfortable to be around you and makes you more attractive as a person.
In this day and age with so many people pretending to be someone they’re not, just to feed their egos and seem impressive, a person who’s refreshingly honest is like a breath of fresh air.
It quickly cuts through all the superficial bullshit and shows women you’re a well-adjusted, self-respecting man. That’s massively attractive to any and all women.
Focus on her more than on yourself
When talking with women you like, your conversation should be primarily on them.
This works because people’s favorite conversation topic is usually themselves. And because you should also be trying to figure out who she is as a person anyway. To see if you’re compatible.
If she asks stuff about you, then share something interesting and impressive about yourself but make it brief and stay humble. Then return to talking about her again. This will intrigue her and satisfy her appetite without making you seem self-absorbed.
For example, when she asks if you’ve traveled, talk briefly about the most impressive place you’ve been to without making a big deal of it. This is a great way to build rapport before your first date.
Anyway, after you’ve gotten past small talk, get into the habit of building a deeper connection with the women you’re talking to.
For you to attract women during conversations, your goal is to elicit emotions and feelings by talking about the topics that are close to their hearts. Topics that they are emotional about and care for.
What topics are those?
Well, in order to find out, you have to see what makes them tick.
You have to ask questions and delve deep and get to intimate, personal topics and beliefs. Ones which will allow you to really relate to the woman you’re talking to and bond with her. And for her to bond with you as well, as a result.
Just don’t be all serious and intense when you do so. Talk in a normal and relaxed manner, like you would with a buddy. But unlike with buddies, don’t forget to occasionally throw in some jokes and teases, and to touch her at appropriate moments while you’re at it. Because flirting is an important part of talking with women you like if you want to build powerful attraction.
What to ask a girl to get to know her better
To figure out what to talk about with a girl you like, it’s important to ask the right questions.
As I said before, each girl is different and unique with her own personality, likes, dislikes, taste, opinions, wants and needs.
Your goal is to figure those things out and see what fits your worldview. Then expand on them until you reach a level of mutual respect and understanding.
Figuring out her likes and dislikes is as easy as asking about them. A simple question like “So what hobbies do you like?” or “What do you like to do in your free time?” works great.
Dislikes, on the other hand, should be approached with more tact. Ask about her pet peeves and about what she doesn’t like in people. See what pisses her off and see if you can relate to that.
I often ask women what type of man they prefer and what character traits and qualities they find attractive. If they give me the “tall, dark and handsome spiel,” I don’t hesitate to tease them relentlessly for it. Saying they still believe in fairy-tales and stuff like that, waiting for a knight in shining armor.
Teasing women on their answers about important topics is a great way to elicit emotions and spark some serious attraction. Because it shows you don’t take yourself or the situation too seriously and that you have a great sense of humor. It also solidifies the fact you’re not desperate and aren’t afraid to ruffle their feathers.
Women respect and love men who are challenging and aren’t afraid to tease them. Just do it in a light-hearted way and make it fun, not mean.
Finally, don’t be afraid to show vulnerability and change up tones while talking to women, going from playful to serious.
All the right questions to ask
There are many great questions you can ask women to build a deeper connection.
The point is to quickly get past small-talk and get to the good stuff. To understand what drives her, where she’s going and what situation she came from. Why she does the things she does and what radical or unique things she’s experienced in her life.
These topics make conversations significantly more fun, deep and meaningful.
Small-talk is often superficial and doesn’t get to the stuff that’s truly important to other people. Like their hopes, dreams, motivations, etc.
To get to the good stuff quicker, ask a lot of “Why?” questions instead of “What?” Because the former is trying to explore the reason behind the answer and the latter can be answered quickly and then must require a follow-up. Which often breaks the flow of the conversation and may start to resemble an interview.
For example, asking women “What did you study?” is boring and she can just answer “Marine Biology,” requiring you to ask her another question instantly.
Instead, ask something like “So what did you study and why did you choose that field?” That’ll usually require a much more elaborate answer and you can follow up on one of her more interesting points. Which is, incidentally, a great way of never running out of things to say when talking to women.
Finally, broad topics that single out people’s dreams and desires are absolute powerhouses. Here are some great examples of what to ask a girl:
- “What would you sacrifice your life for and why?”
- “If money were no option, what would you be doing with your life right now?”
- “What’s the biggest change you’ve experienced in life and how did it happen?”
- “What are the lies you most often tell yourself, and why?”
- “Do you think the future will be better than the present?”
- “What do you think are the most important things in a healthy and happy relationship?”
- “What do you want to do or accomplish before you die?”
The possibilities here are endless.
What to talk about with a girl in general
Finally, there are many great topics of conversation you can pursue.
Hobbies, current events, music and movie interests, travel and other similar things are always great when learning what to talk about with a girl. Because most people can chat about these things for hours and there’s plenty of opportunities for connection and rapport.
But the best thing to do, by far, is to talk about your interests and hers. As passionately as you can.
Show that you’ve got some fire under your ass. Talk about the things you enjoy doing and what you spend most of your time on. Ask her about what she’d do as well if she had all the time in the world.
It doesn’t matter if you like playing computer games, climbing mountains, diving in shark-infested waters or baking cookies. As long as you talk about your interest with passion, you’re good to go. No topic is too nerdy or weird, unless you’re defensive about it and make it weird.
Besides, you want women to like you for who you genuinely are, and not for who you pretend to be.
Also, when talking about something, emphasize the emotions and not the thing itself. In the video game example, don’t just say you enjoy “pwning noobs in Fortnite on a daily basis.” That’s boring and forgettable, and there’s nothing special about saying this.
Instead, describe all the powerful and sometimes conflicting emotions playing games makes you feel. The adrenaline that’s pumping through your veins when you’re head-to-head against the last person standing. The despair you feel when you’re about to be overwhelmed by enemies. The joy and fulfillment of seeing your plans come to fruition.
These are the conversations that create emotions and spark massive attraction. It’s not the words you say but how you say them that’s important.