It’s important to know what to say to a girl you like if you want to be successful in your dating life.
…But most guys are clueless.
They either flirt insanely with the girl, are inappropriate, or don’t care enough about her to make an emotional connection and get her interested.
Or worse: They don’t say ANYTHING and let her walk by.
Maybe that’s happened to you a few times?
In this article, you’ll learn what to say to a girl you like to build attraction.
Unless you’re talking to a girl in a bar and only looking for a fling, don’t obsessively flirt or be vulgar.
This is doubly true if you are first talking to a woman online (perhaps from one of the sites from our annual review of the best websites for dating older women)
There’s something called assortment theory which basically states that what you put out or believe, you’ll get back.
So if you only put out vulgarness, you’ll only attract girls who are super interested in hooking up for one night.
You might be missing girls that could be turned onto the idea if you talked to them a bit like REAL PEOPLE.
In the past, pick-up artists talked about using opinion openers and indirect ways of talking to girls.
But what does this say?
It sub-consciously re-enforces something in your head that says that it’s not OK to be upfront and honest with your intentions and emotions when it comes to women.
Sure don’t say, “Hey, can we have sex?” right away…
But there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, you looked really cute and I wanted to come meet you.”
This will also help sort out girls who have boyfriends or who aren’t interested, saving you time and energy so you can find girls who ARE interested.
Being direct will also spike her attraction for you and it's a great way to get her to talk to you, she’ll think,
“Wow, this guy is so confident to come up to me like that. Most guys just beat around the bush or lie, but he’s coming up to me and telling me he likes me.
Let’s see what he has to say. I hope he’s nice…”
You’re probably getting tripped up wondering what to say to a girl you like when you approach them.
This is just over-complicating something simple.
You’re just starting a conversation and you’re trying to find a way out of it.
Studies have been done on “opening lines”, and women say that the best opening line is, “Hi.”
They’re just waiting for guys to approach them and not be scared, so go up and say anything. And it also helps to know what girls like to talk about.
You’re doing better than 90% of guys out there.
Again, when it comes to what to say to a girl you like, keep it simple.
Just ask a question to get to know her and continue the conversation on from there. Maybe give her a couple of compliments too.
Don’t ask a question as a means to get into her pants.
Ask a question because you’re genuinely curious to get to know her.
Women can sense social cues FAR better than you can.
They’ll know if you’re being genuine or what you want.
Sex happens as a by-product of fun and connection, it can’t be forced.
Focus on getting to know her and genuinely appreciate her as a person and she’ll be open to you.
Here are some simple questions you could ask:
Once you get more comfortable, you can begin asking deeper questions or ones that drive more emotion into the conversation:
Again - K.I.S.S.: keep it simple stupid.
You don’t need to dazzle her amazingly.
You just have to be a normal, cool guy who wants to know her other than just for her vagina.
Pro-tip: Ask her, “What do you find sexy about a guy? What do you like about them?”
This starts to sexualize the conversation and you can talk about what you like in a girl.
You’ll never be able to build attraction with her if she doesn’t trust you.
You need to tell her about you.
You can start with what you like to do, your hobbies, passions, work and so on…
But that’s all a bit dry.
As you go on, you’ll have to dig into the emotional motivations.
Why do you like what you like?
Why are you doing what you’re doing?
Women are emotional creatures and seduction is an interplay of emotions.
If you want to know what to say to a girl to build attraction, practice taking things one level deeper with emotional motivation:
“I run a freelance writing business”.
Why did you start it?
Were you frustrated at your old job?
Did you feel caged in?
Did you want to travel the world and felt like life was passing you by?
“I play soccer.”
Do you play it because it reminds you of being a kid?
Does it give you time to see your friends you never do otherwise?
Does it get you away from your desk and make you feel alive?
This is going to be good practice for the next step:
In the past points you’ve started to make a connection with her by asking deeper questions, and taking your points about yourself even further…
But now it’s time to really focus in on it.
When she says something you like and you like it too (e.g. a common hobby), TELL HER why you like it and that you’re happy she does too.
If she went to a place you’ve been to as well, tell her if you did or didn’t, and why.
You need to be sharing mutual interests and showing your view points, demonstrating that you have a lot going up in your noggin’.
This is another point that old school pick-up messed up.
Before, it was thought that you needed to get a girl to try to win your approval and you shouldn’t show any signs of interest.
That’s no fun and that’s stupid.
If you like a girl there’s no reason why you shouldn’t tell her…
In fact if you don’t, she’ll be confused as to why you’re interested in her.
Or, she’ll make the assumption that all you want is sex and that any girl will do.
She’ll feel used and not want anything to do with you.
If she says something you like, does something you’re interested in, or has a trait you like…
Simply tell her, and maybe add a little touch on the arm.
That’s complimenting and qualifying.
If you want to take it one level deeper, you can add an emotional spike too:
“You know I really like how open and honest you are.
It’s so hard to find people like that and I’m tired of playing games with girls.
Every time I see someone doing that, I think it’s just sad.
I like that you’re different.”
Sub-consciously, she’s going to remember whatever you qualify her on, and do MORE of it if she likes you to keep you happy.
Caveat: Don’t overdo it.
If you fling compliments around about everything and all the time, then you’re probably just trying to say stuff to get into her pants or being a supplicating Nice Guy.
Compliment and qualify.
Don’t kiss her ass.
No, not in that way… yet.
Girls are just like kids: They just want to have fun and play.
Roleplaying is putting you two in a fake scenario as “actors.”
Here are some examples:
Basically, just mess around and have a great time.
To up the attraction when you’re talking to a girl, play some games like you would when you were a kid.
Do a thumb war, people watch and guess what they do.
Anything that gets you two laughing, touching, and talking is great.
Here are some more helpful points to keep in mind…
If you’re ever in trouble, remember to SOAQ her.
If you ever run out of things to say, remember the acronym SOAQ:
Statement: “I like fast food.”
Observation: “It’s really warm here.”
Assumption (cold-read): “You look like you aren’t from around here.”
Question: “Do you like sports?”
Cold-reading is usually the best because she’ll answer you no matter what (either you’re right in guessing, you’re wrong, or she’ll ask why you thought it).
But as long as you can keep the conversation going, you’re fine.
It’s best to use SOAs vs. questions, because they assume familiarity, and stay away from the dreaded “interview”.
Be cheerful/upbeat, don’t forget to laugh, and smile.
People are attracted to positive, uplifting, and happy people.
Nobody wants to be with a downer.
You don’t have to shy away from deeper topics, but when you first meet a girl keep it light, smile at her, and don’t forget to laugh.
If you can make a girl smile, you’ve got her.
Don’t talk for a billion years about yourself.
Everyone’s favorite topic of conversation is themselves, especially when it comes to women.
Ask her basic questions about herself, and let her go.
Just let her talk.
Keep eye contact and just keep probing.
She’ll think you’re an AMAZING listener and conversationalist.
You want to talk and share some of yourself as well, but it’s better to let her do most of the talking.
Make good eye contact.
Eye contact is essential to attracting women.
Good eye contact conveys confidence, comfort, and poise.
Not maintaining eye contact reflects submissiveness, shyness, and non-confidence.
When you’re talking to a girl, make sure to learn how to keep good eye contact.
If you aren’t touching her…
Conversations are great and you need to know how to talk to a girl to build attraction.
But if you aren’t physically escalating as you do this, there’s no way she’s ever going to be comfortable having sex with you.
Words aren’t enough.
You need to touch her.
You can easily do this by touching her lightly on the arm to emphasize your points, asking to see her jewelry (bracelets, rings) and touch her hands, and so on.
You want to gradually work up so you’re touching her in more intimate spots (arms, hands, back, neck, face) so you can eventually go in for the first kiss ;).
Think about how much you want her and like her.
Thinking about how much you’d like to have sex with her and how much you want her.
It will transfer through your eye contact, vocal tonality, and movement.
If you’re having trouble getting motivated, start imaging her with her clothes off on top of you… And see what happens with the attraction. 😉
By following these tips, you’ll be able to build attraction with a girl as you talk to her.
Remember not to over-do it, get her talking about herself, share a bit of whom you are, and have a smile and good eye contact as you do so.
You’ll get her liking you in no time.