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How To Find and Meet Single Cougars in 2023 - What You're Doing Wrong

Attractive cougar on a couch

It is not rare or surprising to see a hot cougar enjoy a very intense romantic and sexual relationship with men of various ages, not just the usual “older man, younger woman” situation we are accustomed to. If there is anything that Demi More and Aston Kutcher’s relationship taught us is, we can date the older women we want for a very long time – or at least until we get bored. This is great news for guys looking to meet cougars near you and actually get something started!

Nevertheless, this scenario is still sort of taboo even in today’s liberal world, but that just makes it all the more exciting and enticing. It also makes online dating sites like those found in our review of the best cougar dating sites out there so useful when learning how to find cougars. We all have our reasons for wanting to know how to find cougars who are 5, 10 or even 15 years older than we are.

For some, it’s to satisfy their curiosity while others just like the challenge. Dating a cougar is exhilarating because they are confident, more direct about their sexual needs and have a higher sex drive than women in their twenties or teenagers.

It is a scientific fact that women in their thirties and forties have a much higher libido than women who are below thirty, and men in their teens and twenties have a higher sex drive than men over forty do. Therefore, it is clearly a win-win situation. Who wouldn't want to learn how to find cougars?

The only question left now is actually how to find cougars. It is very likely that the majority of information available online about how to find cougars is geared toward getting to that “yes” we all want to hear when we ask an older woman out.

Nevertheless, the sad reality is, you are likely going to get plenty of “NOs” – or at least a couple – before you become a true master of older women dating. The good news is that you will reduce your rejection rate as you gain more experience and learn how to find cougars.

How To Find Cougars

What You're Doing Wrong When Trying To Meet A Cougar Near You

Rather than feel sorry about yourself when she says no, focus on the things you are not doing right, and seek to improve continually in those areas. Below are 12 ways you might be making your search harder than it has to be:

Giving Up Too Soon When Learning How To Find Cougars

Man mad at himself that he can't find or meet cougarsWhen it comes to how to find sexy cougars near you, it is up to you to create enough attraction to move things forward. However, how the interaction will go also has much to do with her, so never get mad at yourself because she rejected you. If your attempt to get her attention fails, it is very likely it has nothing to do with you.

There are a million ways why an older woman can say no to you. Perhaps she is already in a relationship, having a bad day, sick or in a rush to somewhere important. She could also be swinging the other way, or maybe you remind her too much of her little brother. Just think of the many things you have going on in your life right now, and then imagine she has just as many.

Thus, the most important thing when it comes to how to finding local cougars is to realize, her rejection is not necessarily because you are not a great guy, but because other factors are at play. Keep your cool and live to fight another day.

Spending All Your Time in Bars and Not Looking Online

If you haven't been looking online to meet cougars you're really going to be missing out. We haven't found an easier way to meet single women 35+. So many women just don't have much time to spend meeting guys but are more than willing to spend a few minutes a day online. You NEED to be on at least one app or site popular with cougars.

Depending on what you're looking for the two best we've been using are:

If you are only looking to meet a cougar for short-term or "casual" fun get off Tinder and try AFF

Homepage for AFFEverybody knows that the most popular spot to meet a girl for a quick fling is Tinder but what about a cougar? There are very few women over 30 that use Tinder and even then the competition can be tough for a guy. Unless you are in the top 10-15% in looks you are going to have a hard time (and even then it isn't easy).

The best option we have found to actually meet a cougar without wasting a lot of time is AFF (which you can try for free here). They have been around since 2006 and have a huge userbase of older women with over 50 million active members. Nowhere else are you going to find nearly so many options as either a younger guy or a guy 30+ yourself.

AFF is easily the best option we've found to meet cougars who just want to head to bed without making you jump through a lot of hoops!

We have reviewed all the best sites and apps for short-term fun (literally hundreds) and AFF is the one we recommend to most guys (plus they have a free trial here so you have no reason not to check them out). Cougar Life is great for some longer-term but AFF is where it's at if you just want something physical and low pressure.

eHarmony if you want a real relationship

Home page of eHarmony

Let's be honest, it can take a ton of time to meet single women. You have to get ready, get to the bar, and spend a few hours talking to women if there are even any singles there. We have all had nights where we go to the wrong place and it is nothing but a bunch of guys hoping some women show up.

If you value your time you need to be online as well as out on the town. A huge number of single women, especially older women, have given up on the bars and are only looking online. Our favorite site for meeting cougars who are looking for more of a relationship has been eHarmony, especially for younger guys (you can try them out for free with the special offer and see what we mean).

eHarmony has given us by far the best results, especially when we were looking for more of a long-term thing. They have a ton of women on the site (over 30 million members) and do the best job of actually helping you meet them. No other site really came close in our annual review of the top Cougar Sites so give them a shot.

What really sets them apart is how engaged the women using it are. This site is ONLY for women looking for real relationships and guys interested in them and it eliminates all the women who are just looking for attention and don't intend to actually meet guys. That means that most guys are way more likely to get the results they are looking for instead of sending 100 messages that don't get answered (like on most other sites and apps).

Check out their proven trial at a minimum. You really don't have anything to lose and you might be missing out on a lot of great opportunities (especially as younger guys but older guys do really well too).

Giving Up Too Quickly When Learning How To Find Cougars Near You

Man who gave up on meeting cougarsJust like mastering other skills, knowing how to find cougars near you has a learning curve, which can be uncomfortable. Being turned down can be an unpleasant and painful experience for men.

The good news is that it is totally worth the effort. For every guy that works through the uneasiness and takes action, there are probably twenty guys who get paralyzed with fear imagining, “what if she says no”. You do well to remember that you are going to deal with women all your life whether you like it or not, so there is no downside to getting better at interacting with them.

If you do not get her number at the first meeting then maybe she is not the home run on the first meeting type of woman. However, that should not quench your spirits. Now you are on her radar, so the next time you interact, she might soften a little. You also have more experience at how to find cougars.

Rather than let the time you have interacted go to waste, keep on trying until you are certain you are not going anywhere with her.

Believing Her Attraction Is Based On Physical Attraction Alone

Cougar looking at guysDon’t get it twisted, older women love younger guys especially because they are good-looking, in shape and full of energy. However, looks are not as important to them as they are to you. All women make their mating decisions primarily based on feelings, emotion and internal intuition.

While we often go for just looks, women use an entire range of indicators and values that are usually intrinsic and internal to each man, and are intuited rather than considered consciously by the woman. So if you understand anything about what cougars want, know that she wants more than just a pretty boy.

These are mainly strength, character and perceived value, which are enhanced by various behaviors such as confidence, fun and proactive actions. If you want to know how to find cougars, work on these things as often as you hit the gym.

The Apps Dating Coaches Recommend Most To Meet Cougars

More and more older women are only using apps and sites to meet guys, especially younger guys. You need to be on at least one or two apps now if you want to get the best results you can. These are the apps that give normal guys the best success meeting cougars:

SiteOur ExperienceOur RatingFree Trial Link
Best Hookup Site Cougars
Experience Highlights
Experience Highlights
  • The best way to meet cougars for hookups by far
  • Best results for regular guys
  • Over 60 million active members
  • Not good for long-term relationships
Try AFF For Free
Best For Relationships
Experience Highlights
Experience Highlights
  • Easily the best option for long-term relationships
  • 75% of all online marriages start here
  • 70% of users meet their spouse within a year
  • In-depth signup and matching process
Try eHarmony
2nd Best For Hookups
Experience Highlights
Experience Highlights
  • 2nd best option to find hookups
  • Attracts an older crowd than most hookup apps
  • Pretty popular
  • Great free trial
Try Passion

Not getting local advice on where you can find local cougars!

Book of advice for guys to find a cougarWhen it comes to deciding which spot is worth spending time at to meet local cougars you need to get recommendations from people who know where to go! There are just too many options in most cities to try on your own without wasting a TON of time and money. Fortunately, most cities have at least a few places and we have spent a lot of time taking those local recommendations and putting together a list of the best places to start in the cities below. These recommendations list places where cougars will likely approach you.

Take a look at the guide below for your city and find out the local spots for meeting cougars that actually deliver in the US, Canada, UK, and Australia:

Where to meet cougars in US Cities

Where to look in the USA

Where to meet cougars near you in the United States

Where to meet cougars near you in Canada

Find cougars in Canada

Where to meet cougars in the United Kingdom

Finding cougars in the UK here

Where to meet local cougars in Australia

Where to look in Australia for a cougar

Where to meet cougars in New Zealand

New Zealand cougar flag

Where to meet cougars near you in South Africa

South Africa locations

If you're looking for a cougar of a particular ethnicity or nationality check out these guides

Believing All Older Women Are Bad And Only Out To Manipulate You

If a cougar in the past hurt you and broke your heart, you are naturally inclined to hold on to resentment and bitterness, which sours every future relationship you might have. This is certainly a fast track to despair and loneliness.

However, you should know better than to hold any past bitterness against all the amazing older women you are going to interact with out there. You likely want a relationship that is about fulfillment and joy.

To learn how to find cougars successfully, you have to root out any stereotypes you have against older women from your heart. When you're looking for cougars, you want to actually get to know them and not just bundle them up with the cougars you've met in the past.

Putting Up A Bad Boy Act To Get the Girl

There is a popular notion that has been going on for decades now that girls like bad boys. While this might hold true for high school teenagers and college-going girls, it is ABSOLUTELY not true for older women, who are mature, self-assured and know what they want.

Course promo

You might see many beautiful, sexy and intelligent girls in their twenties with jerks who treat them callously, but you don’t see a lot of mature women with dirt bags. Arrogance, rudeness, belittling and unreliability are all classic signs of a bad boy, which you want to avoid if you want to become skilled at how to find cougars.

Getting Mad At Her For Rejecting You When Learning How To Find Cougars

Getting upset and angry at a cougar you are pursuing is a great way of blowing any future chances you might have with her or any of her friends or friends’ friends. We live in a small world now, and that world gets even smaller in the cougar community.

Cougars love to swap stories of their recent dates with other cougars or their girlfriends. If you get really upset and begin belittling and/or taunting either to her face or to your friends later, you can be sure your story will be on top of the list, and every cougar in town will beware of you, making your efforts on how to find cougars almost impossible.

Making The Wrong Assumptions On What Cougars Want

Older women want strong younger guys who have high value and good character. All too often though, you guys make the mistake of thinking these women want the opposite just because they are older. You will not attract cougars if you are dependent or needy, have no backbone and want to be mothered. You can learn this the hard way or you can learn more about this on some of the best cougar dating books ever published.

Single woman

To be triumphant on how to find cougars, you have to be fun and upbeat, proactive, understand women and able to handle tension. However, you do not want to be too gushy or super nice, such that you neglect other important qualities such as strength, which older women find very attractive.

Using Cliché Pick Up Lines When Learning How To Find Cougars

In basic terms, a pickup line is an icebreaker or a conversation opener to get the ball rolling when you approach a woman for the first time. When used sparingly and circumspectly, pickup lines can be a boon when learning how to find cougars.

Sadly, many guys rush online to for a list of openers they can use to impress, and often find out they do not work as they see in the movies. A pickup line is cliché if you have heard it before, or if it is not tailored to the specific woman or situation. As a rule of thumb, avoid starting with anything that can be considered a pickup line.

Not Putting In The Necessary Work When Learning How To Find Cougars

If you want something in life, you have to work for it – it is simple mathematics. Becoming a master on how to find cougars is learnable for every guy out there. You just have to be willing to learn all the things you need to do – and not do – to attract an older woman. It will require actual effort on your part and may take time before you get there, but the benefits are well worth it.

No matter how good you think you are on how to find cougars, you can always find room to improve. No one is perfect so we all have areas we constantly need to work on to become better at relationships.

Not Learning From Your Mistakes Regarding How To Find Cougars

To become better on how to find cougars you want, you should be careful not to repeat your mistakes. First, you need to understand that you cannot get better at dating older women without practice. It is also impossible to practice without encountering some rejections.

Learn to be comfortable with rejections, taking the experience of each one and learning from it to become a better guy, which boosts your chances of scoring in your next date. There is one common saying in business that you can learn more from your failure than from your success, which is also so true when it comes to how to find cougars of your liking.

If you look at it from this perspective, then there is really no downside to approaching an older woman you are interested in regardless of the outcome.

Hiding Your True Intention

Let’s face it, we all want to date a hot cougar for an electrifying relationship especially the hot, steamy sex. Hiding your true sexual intentions and acting more like a friend will lead to the woman dropping you into the Friend Zone. Once you are in this category, you will never come out of it because the woman will see you as someone she would never consider sleeping with – just like one of her girlfriends.

Hence, you need to be careful not to reveal too much about yourself especially on the first meeting. Do not think that if you show her that you just love to listen and talk, and have heard similar experiences, she will come running into your arms. For God sake DO NOT talk about your past relationships.

If you want to be great on how to find cougars, you need to project the right image and be clear with your intentions through your conversation and actions. Make a move on the cougar because you want her to see you as a potential steamy lover not just another guy friend.

A little bit of info plus lots of confidences equals sex appeal. This is not to say you should be dismissive or avoid talking altogether.

Thinking Women Test You Just For Fun

Contrary to popular opinion, women do not test you for sport or simply for their amusement – it is because they are all insecure on some level. Before you decide if a woman is testing you, think long and hard. Older women do not like to play games, so the question might be without any hidden agenda.

However, if a woman asks you a question that you truly feel is aimed at testing you, do not panic. This supposed test is just a symptom of some sort of insecurity she has. Believe it or not, it is often not about you – unless you panic. Do not get defensive or angry, trying to figure out the right thing to say so as to put her in her place.

Actually, most women will not even consciously realize they are testing you – it is embedded in their DNA. They want to be sure you are not manipulating them or they are not setting themselves up to get hurt, before they give in. The key to “passing” the test is to remain emotionally grounded, calm, steady and graceful.

If you can avoid these mistakes when putting together your plan for how to find cougars you will be in great shape. Don't forget to check out our Top Cougar Dating Sites Review if you are still looking for more great places to find how to find cougars.


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