If you don’t have much experience talking with women, the idea of approaching a girl can be daunting. Also, while both guys and girls can certainly make the first move, men are often expected to. This pressure can make shy guys feel even more stressed and intimidated, which is totally understandable!
Are you wondering how to get a girl to talk to you? If there’s a cutie on your radar but you’re too shy to approach her, I’ve got you covered.
With chronic shyness or social anxiety, you might feel utterly paralyzed around girls–especially the ones you find most attractive. Timidness can inhibit your dating life, but the good news is you’re not alone. A lot of people are shy. And believe it or not, you can get over shyness just by practicing.
I used to be cripplingly shy and still have some bashful tendencies from time to time. When I tell people this now, they don’t believe me! The reason is that shyness and knowing how to talk to people aren’t mutually exclusive qualities. You can have both.
Maybe you’d like to work up the guts to have a conversation with your crush. Or perhaps you just want any lovely ladies to turn in your direction. Either way, these six tips on how to get a girl to talk to you will give you the boost you need.
When you're feeling shy on the inside, no one will ever know this as long as you’re a good conversationalist. If your talking and flirting skills are a little rusty, all you need is some practice.
First, practice in the mirror, or take a video and watch it back. Yes, you’ll probably feel silly doing it and may cringe when you watch yourself having a mock conversation with yourself. But it will give you an idea of what you sound like and what facial expressions you make. It'll also show you how often you smile and make eye contact.
In addition to practicing on your own, work on your small talk with friends, family, co-workers, classmates or other people you trust. You might even take it a step further and try out your chit-chat skills in public with strangers. I’m not suggesting you approach strangers without context, but you could talk to your coffee barista or grocery store checker.
Practice introducing yourself and shaking hands. Chatting about the weather, asking someone how their day is going, and other mundane talking points are allowed! Everyone does it, so don’t worry about using simple topics while you get used to small talk. Ask someone for their opinion about a relevant topic and add to their response with your thoughts on the subject.
The idea is to talk to people without the pressure of making a move or the fear of rejection. Always end these brief conversations with a smile and something along the lines of “Have a great day!” If you stumble on your words, that’s OK. The point is to get better each time. With a little practice, you’ll start to get more comfortable with small talk.
As I mentioned above, a lot of people are shy. The girl you’re crushing on might be just as timid as you! As a reserved person, you’re probably more comfortable talking to outgoing people. Everyone likes conversing with friendly extroverts because they typically have plenty to add to a conversation. Also, they make people around them feel at ease.
I don’t expect you to suddenly reverse your introverted ways. That being said, if you come across as approachable, girls will be more inclined to talk to you. Similar to successful small talk, smiling is the name of the game. When you smile, the people around you will feel happier and relaxed. In turn, they’ll want to be around you and talk to you more.
You don’t have to take my word for it. Research indicates people who smile are the most approachable. According to the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, young adults prefer approaching those who present sincere smiles. If a girl needs to ask for directions or a restaurant recommendation, she’s more likely to ask a guy who’s smiling.
With that said, don’t underestimate the power of a pleasant smile and brief eye contact. Just make sure it looks sincere. You don’t want to go overboard with a permanent grin on your face like some kind of serial killer. When you make smiling a habit, it will come as second nature. You’ll seem confident, personable and easygoing. As a result, girls will be more likely to talk to you, and in turn, you can say something to make her smile as well.
To get a girl to talk to you, being open and good at small talk are essential. However, timing is everything. Depending on the situation, a girl may not have the time, availability, or interest in having a conversation.
Does she have headphones on? Is she intently focused, clearly busy, in a hurry or in the middle of a conversation with someone else? If so, don’t interrupt. You might come off as rude, overly aggressive or just oblivious to social cues. Disrupting her train of thought, cutting her off or butting in will not give off a good first impression.
For guys who have a fear of rejection, being able to read the room is crucial. When you can decipher between good and not-so-good times to talk, you’ll minimize your chances of getting dismissed.
If you’re not sure whether she’s open to talking, just use your best judgment. And remember, it’s OK if you get it wrong. Tell her you’re sorry for interrupting and move on. Don’t worry–by remaining patient and respectful, you’ll get your shot.
So, now that you know which scenarios are best for approaching a girl, you can make your move. I recommend catching her attention with a little eye contact and a smile. If she smiles back, you’re probably in the clear to go talk to her. Make sure you don’t stare at her or hold eye contact for too long before starting a conversation. You don’t want to seem creepy.
Try to give off a spontaneous vibe, even if you’ve been practicing and have some conversation-starters planned. Say hello and introduce yourself with another smile, just like you practiced. Repeating her name back to her will show her you’re listening and help you remember it later!
Once you’ve introduced yourself, make sure you’re prepared with something else to say. Otherwise, your chat might fizzle out in the first 30 seconds.
Remember to keep the conversation light. Leading with humor is a smart tactic–everyone likes to laugh. Just make sure you don’t insult her or make fun of her. If you’re waiting in a long line somewhere or are experiencing terrible weather, you might open with lighthearted commiseration.
You could tell her she has a pretty smile or compliment her looks in another way. However, I suggest commenting on something other than her appearance. You might mention a book she’s reading or even what you love about her personal style. These compliments are still flattering, but they give the impression that you have a similar taste or shared interests.
If your crush isn’t a stranger, you probably have at least a few things in common. You might discuss mutual friends, a class you’re both taking or the neighborhood you live in.
Keep the conversation going. Take interest in her responses, ask questions and build on the conversation. With your new approachable demeanor and friendly smile, she should feel comfortable chatting with you. You don’t want to seem like you’re just hitting on her because of her good looks. If the conversation goes well, it will show her that you’re interested in getting to know her.
If you lose your train of thought or stumble on your words, don’t panic. Instead, own your shyness. Get ahead of it by saying something like, “I’m kind of shy when it comes to talking to girls.” If you’re obviously sincere and it’s not just a pickup line, she might think it’s endearing. It’s normal to be nervous–she might be nervous, too! If you play it right, a little self-deprecation can be charming.
Let me tell you something: nice guys do not finish last. Women like kind men. So, don’t act cocky or overly confident if that’s just not who you are. The point is to be yourself. I realize a lot of my advice revolves around practicing your way out of shyness. But that's learning a social skill–not hiding who you are. Being yourself is critical. Be earnest, and don’t tell lies to impress her.
Do you feel like you know how to get a girl to talk to you now? If you’re like a lot of guys, self-consciousness and lack of practice are probably the main things holding you back. Remember, you’ll never know if a girl wants to talk to you if you don’t try. So, get out there and start conversing.
These tips aren’t foolproof, and they won’t work every single time. Learn to embrace rejection, and look at every instance of talking to a girl as a learning experience. You can do this!