Let’s face it; most men wondering how to be a good conversationalist do so because they want to be attractive to women.
If you frequently find yourself running out of things to say or have women excusing themselves from your conversations, we’re here to help.
After all, anyone can gain the ability to become a good conversationalist.
When you do this, you can stop worrying about women getting bored and leaving to speak to some other guy.
Instead, they’ll be hooked on every word that leaves your mouth.
If you can pepper some shameless flirting into the conversation, hooking up will surely be inevitable.
How to Be a Good Conversationalist and Hook Women’s Attention
In order to learn how to be a good conversationalist, you must discover the secret of never running out of things to say.
Once you have this foundational skill locked down, it’ll help to eliminate your nerves. The fear of the “awkward silence” will subside. This frees up a lot of mental bandwidth, allowing you to express yourself with more charm, charisma and poise.
From there, you can pepper in conversational techniques that are extremely effective at hooking people’s attention.
This article will initially focus on the art of never running out of things to say, then explore some of the best techniques for adding extra spice to your conversations.
How to be a conversationalist who never runs out of things to say
The awkward and embarrassing sensation of being lost for words. It’s arguably the biggest fear that men and women face on a first date.
However, no-one ever truly “runs out of things to say.” The real problem is you run out of conversation topics perceived as “good enough” for your audience.
After all, have you ever run out of things to say to your closest friends and family? Probably not, because you don’t put a barrier on what’s good enough to talk about. When we’re around true friends, we tend to say whatever is on our mind. We’re not too bothered about their opinion of our conversation quality.
The cure to running out of things to say on a first date--or around anyone you don’t know well--is to have the same attitude. Learn to trust that whatever you have to say is “good enough,” purely because it comes from you.
This is easier said than done. Naturally, you want to impress any woman you’re dating, and that’s what makes you judge the quality of the words that leave your mouth.
Focus on non-verbal communication too
Perhaps the following fact will help remove your filters: your vibe is far more important than the words you say when it comes to being a good conversationalist.
Only 7% of communication is verbal. The remaining 93% comes from your body language and vocal tonality. When you’re feeling confident in your power as a man, you can seduce a woman using the most basic chat, or even complete gibberish. This is because your true value is still in your non-verbal communications.
When you’re feeling fun and confident, put this hypothesis to the test. Seduce a woman without trying to be cool or interesting. It can absolutely be done. Once you realise this is true, you’ll never need to worry about running out of things to say again.
The Secret to Being a Good Conversationalist: Adding Some Spice
Here are eight tips to help make your conversations more interesting.
Talk about your passions
In his famous book “How To Win Friends And Influence People,” Dale Carnegie says the easiest way to make someone like you is to let them talk about themselves. In fact, experts recommend making friends by talking about the other person’s hobbies and passions.
However, speaking about your own passions is a far more effective way to make someone interested in you. You can also talk about some deep topics that you're really interested in. When you do this, a natural enthusiasm will radiate from your voice and body. Suddenly, others will get sucked in, even if they had no previous interest in the topic. Enthusiasm is infectious--and it can also be extremely attractive.
When you are chatting up a woman, it’s important that she learns what you’re passionate about. One of the biggest reasons that women flake on men is because they feel they don’t know them well enough.
Make use of emotions
Men are notoriously bad at including the emotional elements of a story. We tend to focus on the logical facts of what happened. We’re missing a trick by doing this because emotions are a powerful tool to bring a story to life and make it more relatable.
During each significant part of the story, focus on how it made you feel. Were you scared, nervous, desperately trying to hold in a fit of laughter? Let your audience know!
Paint a picture
A great conversationalist can make their audience picture the story in their minds.
You can do this by making use of the five senses. What could you hear? What could you see? Could you taste, smell or feel anything? This is tremendously helpful for allowing your audience to picture the situation.
Play with your voice
No matter how exciting the content is within your story, you can send people to sleep by telling it with a monotonous voice. You'll never get her to want to talk to you that way!
Make a conscious effort to engage your audience by playing with the volume, speed and pitch of your voice. Perhaps you speak slowly during a nerve-racking part of the story. Maybe you yell your punchline! You can use your hands and facial expressions to explain the story better where necessary. Experiment and have fun with it!
Be a great conversationalist by adding some energy
This is especially important if you’re telling stories in a busy social environment like a bar or a nightclub. But you can also apply the same energy if you're talking to a girl in a coffee shop.
You may be a naturally chill person when you speak, but this style won’t keep people’s attention in hectic venues like these.
It’s therefore really handy if you can add extra energy to your stories when you need to.
There are breathing techniques that quiet people can learn to be heard over loud music. However, most problems with doing this tend to stem from fear of fully expressing yourself, rather than physical limitations.
Use assumptions, not questions
A common tactic to keep a conversation going is to ask a ton of questions. It's one of the key things a great conversationalist keeps in mind. After all, even Dale Carnegie recommends letting people talk about themselves.
However, for the other person, this is rarely enjoyable. Often, it feels like an interview or interrogation. What’s more, most people’s “getting to know you” questions are the same.
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?”
“Do you come here often?”
Most people don’t enjoy answering these same questions over and over, especially to someone who they’ve been given no reason to impress yet. Plus, it does nothing to make you stand out as a cool or interesting person.
A simple way to avoid these problems is to use assumptions instead of questions. Try guessing where they’re from or what they do. This is far more likely to be unique and interesting to them. In many situations, they’ll ask why you made such an assumption. Suddenly, you’re in a fun two-way conversation.
Use “time travel”
This is another technique that not only makes a conversation more fun but ensures you never run out of things to talk about with a girl you like.
Essentially, it involves taking whatever someone said and moving it into the past or the future. A lot of the time this will involve assumptions too.
For example, imagine a woman says: “I love this nightclub.”
To bring it into the past, you could say
“Where did you go before this?”
“Was this always your favorite nightclub?”
“Were you always a party animal or is this is a special occasion?”
To bring it into the future:
“Are you going for food later?“
“I bet you’re coming here for New Year’s Eve?”
“I heard they’re closing it down next year.”
Notice how if you keep the conversation in the present (e.g “I love it too”), you kill the topic dead.
A good conversationalist knows how to listen
It’s perhaps the most cliche conversational tip in the book, but men are stereotypically bad at it.
A lot of guys are so stuck in their heads conjuring up the next cool thing to say that they don’t properly listen to the other person.
If you open your ears, they will usually offer up several conversational branches to swing from.
Learn How to Be a Good Conversationalist Then Kill It with the Ladies
On its own, being a great conversationalist won’t make you a highly attractive man. After all, you can't start a conversation with a girl using charm and potential alone.
However, it will buy you the time for a woman to get to know you. It will make her interested in spending more time together.
If you know how to put the moves on her from there, you can absolutely slay with the opposite sex.