It’ll be no great surprise to learn, if you want to get to know a woman, you’ll need to talk to her. Having a conversation with someone is how we determine if we’re compatible, what we have in common and if we like each other. But more often than not, we don’t know the person we want to talk to. So how do you start a conversation with a girl, possibly someone you don’t even know?
What to say to start a conversation with a girl you really like
Whether you've seen some woman at the grocery store, yoga or any of the other best spots for meeting older women, you're going to have to start a conversation. For many guys, not knowing the woman first makes them feel awkward. You want to talk to her because you like her and would like to date her. And this only piles the pressure on more, making you feel even more awkward.
Put that pressure together and guaranteed, you’re going to go over and say the wrong thing. But how are you supposed to know the right thing to say? How can you tell if she wants to talk to you? The good news is we’re here to help you out. So let’s take a look at what to say to start a conversation with a girl.
1) Make sure it’s a conversation
One of the biggest mistakes you guys make is going up to a woman and just asking her out (this is something even a lot of the top dating advice books for guys miss). We’ve all been there and all done it. “Hi – you want to go out sometime?” More than likely she’s going to say no, just to get rid of you. This is because she doesn’t know if she wants to go on a date with you. She doesn’t know anything about you.
So when you first go over to a woman, it’s important to remember your objective. You’re not going over there to get a date or ask her out, you’re going for a conversation. Setting it up like this in your mind is a crucial starting point.
2) How should I start a conversation with a girl? Just talk
If you search online, “how should I start a conversation with a girl?” you’ll likely get back mostly one-sided results. Almost all of these say you should go up to a girl, smile and say “hello”. This might be the most polite way to do it, but it won’t be the most successful.
So for example, you want to start a conversation with a girl in a coffee shop. "Hello," is what a stranger says when they want something from you. As in, “Hello, can I talk to you about…” or “Hello, would you like to donate…” So when you go up to her and say “hello”, sadly, she’ll be suspicious. This means the best thing to do is just talk.
So if you’re both standing around somewhere, waiting in line at the store or waiting to be served at a bar (even if you are using one of the hookup apps that actually work), just dive in. Make a comment about your immediate surroundings, the new drink menu, the number of cashiers they have or something that just happened. If she wants to talk, she’ll add to the conversation. If not, you won’t have to stand around too long afterwards.
3) Join a conversation in process
The most natural way to know what to say to start a conversation with a girl is to listen to what is being said. For example, if you’re at a party and a woman you like is talking to a couple of other people and you know one of them, go over there. Stand in the circle, make eye contact with her and the other people talking, and listen to what’s being said.
At some point, your own thoughts and opinions will be roused. You might want to talk about deep topics to make her interested. Now you can join the conversation, addressing your points to the group and then directly to her. If she’s enjoying talking to you, you can keep the conversation going until it becomes one-on-one as the others drift away.
4) Talk about something neutral – but interesting
When said like that, it sounds easy. You go over, you start telling her about something you read online or saw on TV. But while this is neutral – it’s not interesting. When you want to get to know someone, you can’t just talk about the weather. It needs to be something you’re both interested in. No one likes to be talked at and she’ll want to be engaged. You need to come up with something interesting to talk about with the girl you like.
But if you’re wondering how do you start a conversation with a girl based on shared interests, the best thing to do is go to a place associated with interests. For example, if you’re at an art gallery and you see an attractive woman there, chances are she’s into art. The same goes for hiking trails, gardening store and volunteer projects. These all lead to natural conversations.
It may sound cliché, but the one thing most people have in common is a love of food. Ask her if she’s tried a new restaurant in the area, or what her favorite food nation is. This can lead naturally on to the ‘ask out’ if things go well.
5) Use conversation starters
These used to be called ‘pick up lines’, little comments you could use on any woman to start a conversation. But these only work if they’re novel. Otherwise, all you’ll get is an eye roll. Today, if you’re asking, “how should I start a conversation with a girl?” you’re asking about conversation structure. And this is something much different.
To start off, you need your opener. This might be, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”; “Aren’t you from Chicago?” “Didn’t I see you last week at the art museum?” These are your classic openers.
She might know it’s an opener. In fact, most older women will. But if she likes how you look, she’ll go along. The key is to phrase the question as a negative. These questions take more concentration to answer and are often more engaging.
In this case, you’re looking for ambiguous answers such as, “I don’t know”, “Maybe”, “Could be.” Although these are vague in this context they’re welcoming. These answers signal, she’s still thinking and she wants you to keep talking.
6) Introduce yourself
Now you’ve made eye contact and caught her attention, you’ll want to show her who you are. You do this by following up the conversation starter. You could say, “Because I’m from Chicago”, “I go to the art museum, quite often.” Now she’s learning a little bit about you, your interests and where you’re from. This is an indirect introduction and something you need to master if you want to know how do you start a conversation with a girl.
You’re going to wait on giving her your name, occupation and any other details until just the right moment, which is coming up soon. First of all, you just want to let her look at you and decide if she likes you before you start acting like you like her.
7) Ask her a question
In the age-old dilemma of, how do you start a conversation with a girl? This is usually the answer, even if you're not a good conversationalist. Ask her a question. But remember, you want to keep it light and sociable. Don’t ask her about her age, if she’s single, if she has kids or where she works. This is just statistical data. She doesn’t want to be quizzed.
Instead ask her about her opinions in a fun way, which will make her realize you’re a gentleman. You can ask her, “what’s your favorite book?”, “If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would be the first thing you’d buy?” or “What country would you most like to visit?”
By asking questions, and looking into her eyes when she answers, you’ll learn more about her. And you’ll create a bonding experience too.
8) Compliment her
We talk a lot in our articles about how to compliment a woman. But the question here is, “How should I start a conversation with a girl?” and surprisingly, the answer is with a compliment. But this is a compliment with a difference. You’re the compliment.
A couple of points above, I mentioned introducing yourself without giving her your name. But now is the time to do so.
If you think about traditional compliments, what do they do? They flatter. You tell her you like her eyes, her smile, the way she dresses etc. But the biggest compliment you can give her is to tell her you find her really interesting and high worth. You could just say this in so many words, but that usually comes off as insincere. But if you show her you’re really interested in her, you can do just that.
As she’s finishing answering a question you’ve asked, you’re going to take a breath and show her you’re pausing. Let her see in your face how pleasantly surprised you are by the feelings she’s stirring inside you. Then you introduce yourself and ask her name too. “By the way, I’m Mark. Hi. What’s your name?”
This is a really important point of flirtation. It says, you just came here for a conversation but have been sideswiped to find out she’s a really interesting person. The message goes – only just now have you realized how attractive she is.
This may sound a little fake, but if you genuinely go into every conversation just to chat, it’s not. And this is the importance of knowing how to start a conversation with a woman. You shouldn’t just be talking to women because you want to ask them out. In fact, the most men who date a lot don’t do this.
Getting used to starting conversations means you’ll become better and better at it. And probably, it’ll be the ones that start off as just conversations, which end up surprising you the most.