One of the big themes in dating, even before you get to the dating stage, is knowing what to talk about with women. We’ve all heard the advice; namely, you should just be yourself. But most guys find going into a conversation completely cold and unprepared doesn’t yield the best results.
There are several reasons why this is. Yes, women generally have different interests than guys, but also guys often forget the aim of the game is to impress. You’re not going in just for a discussion, not unless you want to be put straight into the friend zone.
Honestly, there is no easy answer. Think about if someone asked you the same about guys. Most of us are individuals with different interests. The real answer is in the technique, rather than the subject matter. But there are some topics you should aim for and some you should avoid at all costs.
We are going to cover a few things that you won't find even in the best books on dating for modern guys.
Despite what they say, most guys don’t know how to talk to women. Even the extremely confident ones who think they know, usually don’t. This is because, when you talk to a woman, it’s never just a conversation. You’re on a sales mission and the product is you. You need a plan of action.
Even if you’re the best looking guy in the world, she’s going to expect some conversation. Women tend to rate personality very highly and knowing what to say to a woman is how you show yours off. So let’s get started on a few pointers.
It's clichéd but the easiest way to start a conversation with a woman is by asking her a question. This works when you meet a girl at the grocery store or on a hookup app (we have a few favorite hookup apps if you are interested). Safe topics for questions include her career, her family, her hobbies and her hometown. But you need to ask these questions in a way that doesn’t make her feel like she’s being investigated by the FBI. To do this, you'll have to offer your own insights and give her opportunities and cues to ask you questions, too.
For example, you could ask her what made her choose her career or what’s the best part of her job. You could also focus on her relationship with her siblings, growing up and how that made her feel. Asking her what her hometown is famous for is also a good ice breaker.
This is stage one. Right here, you're listening, remembering details and deciding what to talk about next.
While most advice sites will tell you she is her own favorite subject, rely on this too much and you’re not going to get anywhere. Yes, girls like to talk about themselves (just like guys), but at some point, you’re going to have to talk about yourself. This is because when you say goodnight, you need to leave her with a good impression. If she’s thinking back and can’t recall a single piece of information about you, how do you think that will look?
When she asks you back the same questions you asked her, you need to have a few prepared answers ready. What are you going to tell her to paint yourself in the best light? This is crucially important because you’ll need to be truthful. We’ve all been tempted to exaggerate our good points to impress a woman, but you’d be surprised how often it backfires.
While she expects you to be truthful, she’s not asking to hear all your worst bits up front. She doesn’t want to hear a sob story either. No, you shouldn’t lie, but if there’s something in your life, which you know is less than seductive, try to frame it better. Look for how to present it in a positive light.
If you happened to have lost your job last week, don’t tell her you just got fired. Tell her you “parted ways” with your old position to explore other options. If you’ve been ill or had an accident, show her how glad you are to be well again. Steer clear of talking about past relationships or criticizing other women. At this point, you need to remember, you're a nice guy, you like women and they like you. Also, she’s the only woman you want to talk about.
Most women, especially the ones you want to get to know, like a guy with a sense of humor. Dating website profiles are full of “must have a GSOH” clauses. But the trick to making her laugh is kindness and observation.
Saying something funny about something happening right now is always more powerful than a prepared joke. The only necessity is, it should be kind. Women prefer inclusive humor rather than cruel jokes.
One thing I would warn you against is making a joke about her or her job. This is not “getting to know you” material. This will just make her feel belittled. The worst offender is rolling out sexual sarcasm about her job. Don't make comments about “naughty nurses” or ask her if she dates her students. If she takes her career seriously, she’ll want you to do so, too.
However, you can still use this sort of information to set up a jokey compliment with a sexual undercurrent. This is a totally safe way to put the idea of the two of you together in her mind. So if she’s a teacher or a doctor, or even a waitress, you can tell her, “When I was a kid, I had such a crush on a teacher/doctor/waitress.” This is safe, because you’re talking about yourself as a harmless kid, but while you’re saying it, she’s looking at you as a grown man.
This isn’t really a conversation topic, but at stage two, you need to loosen the conversation up. Who knows where it might lead from there?
Most guys who know where to find older women want to know what girls like to talk about so they can impress them. Although older women are interested in younger guys predominantly because they are younger, they also like them to have a brain. So if you’re still studying, think about elements of your subject a non-professional would find interesting.
Likewise, many guys might think their job isn’t all that interesting to a woman, but you’d be surprised. If you work with animals or children, this is the best conversation builder possible! You can easily come across as the most caring, hot, sensitive guy in town. However, even insurance sales can show your compassionate side if you can tell her a story about helping out an old lady in a fix.
Flexibility is key to having a good conversation with a woman. Knowing what girls like to talk about means knowing the individual, but when you first start talking, naturally, you don’t know each other. This is when the clever but generic topics come to light. I’m talking about books, movies and music.
Of course, not everyone has the same taste in these either. You need to find out what her tastes are first. To do this, you’ll need the questions: What was the last movie you saw? What happens in it? Have you seen your favorite band live? Have you ever read a book twice?
Hopefully, you’ll find some crossover of interests in this list.
There’s a theory out there that claims with 36 questions you can fall in love. This is a great idea, but I can’t actually remember the last time a woman let me ask her 36 questions. However, I do remember a few choice questions I’ve asked that lead to really interesting conversations. Here’s a couple of examples:
When was the last time you climbed a tree?
What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way?
Is there something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
These might sound like ridiculous questions but they all have something in common - they’re questions about values, minus the politics and religion.
We all know, unless you’re at a political rally or a church social, politics and religion are topics to be avoided. But values, the ideas important to people, are some of the most important elements of attraction.
Asking a woman about climbing a tree, will likely raise the question of her upbringing. Talking about doing things the old-fashioned way will get her talking about tradition and family. And deciding what others should do will open the door to talking about the world in general.
These subjects are all stage three topics. These can all keep a date going until the break of dawn.
The most important quality of a conversation is always balance. This means, no matter what conversational street you wander down, you need to mix it up now and again. In a first conversation, keep the tone light and if it gets too serious, move on to something new.
There’s a lot to be said for leaving on a high note. If a topic naturally comes to an end but it finished well, you can take a break and go and talk to someone else. If you did well and you stirred her interest, she’ll be happy to pick up where you left off another time.