Some guys are jerks. Some guys are creeps. But you, you’re neither. So why do you want to learn how to ask a girl to come over without looking like a creep? Because asking a girl to come over is an art. In other words, you’ve gotta be smooth. This is something a lot of guys — even the best-looking ones — struggle with.
Although some girls give out the impression that they just want sex, most want to be seen as more than just another notch on your bedpost. So you’ve gotta be careful with how you do this and it's not easy. Unfortunately, the line between being a creep and a normal, cool guy suddenly gets insanely blurred when it comes to asking her to come to our place. We fall apart!
Understandable. After all, you want to get her into bed so you can both have a good time. Moreover, you’re probably nervous as hell. I get it, it’s not easy, no matter how cool you usually are around women. But look, there’s something you want — you want her to come over. So all you’ve gotta do is direct your focus on that goal and pay attention to my tips.
How To Ask A Girl To Come Over
Whether you want to ask your waitress out or you're looking to get a mature woman's number by also asking her to come over, the basics are the same. A little confidence goes a long way, but you can't be too forward.
Let’s take a look at how to ask a girl to come over without running the risk of her shaming you on Facebook.
What's one of the easiest ways to ask a girl to come over? Be funny.
I love the scene in "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray is trying to convince Andie MacDowell to go up to his hotel room. She says that she doesn’t usually put out on a first date and he says neither does he.
“That’s why I’m gonna show you this one thing and kick you right out.”
She laughs at his charm. If you use humor — especially a little self-deprecating humor — she will lower her guard. Humor is the key to softening her up, building a bond with her, easing her anxieties and showing her that you’re not a creep. If you want to know how to ask a girl to come over without being weird, this is level-101 stuff.
I like humor because it just works, plain and simple. Here is a line I used once on a girl — I actually didn’t think it would work but it got her laughing and made her putty in my hands:
“I swear my house is haunted at the moment. Seriously, I got groped in the shower last night! Care to come over for just a few minutes just to show the ghost I’m already taken?”
She loved it! I’ve used it since, too. While a killer one-liner might not be the one thing that convinces her to come over, it sure as heck slides her up the scale from being unsure to being almost sure about this.
Offer to keep the date going
The date has been going so well. You’ve clearly both been enjoying it, but it’s now over. The restaurant is closing, the bar is closed, the end credits at the cinema are rolling.
Rats. It’s time to go home and guess what? You’re busy for the next two weeks and aren’t sure when you’ll be able to see her again. You want to know for sure if she likes you, but you feel like she's up for more tonight.
But, oh, you’ve got some cake waiting in the fridge if she wants to share it before you guys depart? Or wait, what about that TV show she told you she loved earlier? You’ve got it on DVD! Why not ask her to come over and watch it with you for a bit? If you’re tactful about keeping the date going, she’ll respond in kind.
When you have some idea of what to do when a girl comes over to your house and you let her know that you have a plan, this will make her more eager. That way, she wasn't tempted because all she wants is sex. She wanted some cake or to watch a show or whatever else, and sex just happened!
Employ the rule of threes
Asking a girl to come over doesn’t have to be as bland as giving her three options — get her to give you her number, go home or come back to mine. It could be as interesting as offering her three options. I like to use the rule of threes a lot. This is when you present with her two serious options and a third humorous one. For example:
“So this place is about to close. I guess we could end it here and say our farewells, go back to mine for some movies and cake, or go see my mom and her five cats that I’m pretty sure want to kill me. What do you think?”
She’ll giggle for sure and she might be keen to watch you fight five cats that want to rip you alive! When she pulls herself together, she’ll probably admit that she’d prefer to come over to yours.
Use the contrast principle
In human psychology, there’s this thing called the contrast principle — where a second option that is presented immediately after a first option can be perceived differently than it really is if the first option was so different from it.
For example, let’s say you’re presented with a photo of an unattractive person. Then, you’re presented with a photo of a more average-looking person. This second person isn’t all that attractive either, but because they immediately followed a photo of a really unattractive person, you’ll see the second photo more favorably.
Marketers exploit the contrast principle all the time. When it comes to knowing how to ask a girl to come over or how to ask a girl if you can come over without being creepy, you need to exploit it too.
For example, tell her that you could both go your separate ways to your cold, solitary rooms and text each other good night. Or, you could both go back to your place together for some more drinks, conversation and great food.
Just remember to mind your timing when you ask her out to avoid rejection. Asking her while she's having a good time? Yes. Asking her when she's clearly bored and looking forward to going home? Don't even think about it.
The contrast principle will work heavily in your favor here. And if you do it right, this principle will go undetected (and even if she does know what you’re doing, she’ll still be suitably charmed).
How to ask a girl if you can come over
First off, you must understand why going to her place is the better option.
1. It's safer for you
Yes. You can be an Aikido sensei and she’ll still cause you trouble. Some girls are just wackjobs. She may look nice and sexy at first, but then turn Freddie Kruger once she gets jealous or angry. To stay safe, it’s better to keep it all there in her place and not yours. That way, you won't have to worry about her knowing where you live. At least until you figure out her true self.
2. You have bad logistics
Maybe it’s a one-hour drive from the club and you don’t have a car. Or maybe you have an annoying roommate or you still live with your parents. Still, it’s better to bring the party to her place than to reschedule and lose all that built-up tension.
3. No laundry for you
Tell me about it...
So, when will she invite you over (or say yes when you ask for it)?
When she feels secure AND horny.
If you make her feel both emotions, then you can get a girl to let you come over. She might even be the one to ask you out. Your game must be so on point that she thinks she will lose if she doesn't agree. You must be more of a catch than a chimp. You must tease, assert and, if you get the chance, escalate so she knows it’s bang time.
Once you do that, you can:
- Move to a spot closer to her place and use it as a reason to come over.
- Just boldly ask if you can come over
- Ask to come over for some justifiable reason – like you’re fixing the sink or whatever.
If you go there once, it will be easy to keep going there.
How to tell a girl to come over
Most girls prefer to keep sex spontaneous, especially if they're looking for a fling. If you ask them, girls will say they don't have sex on first dates. But in reality, many of them shave and put on their finest lingerie before coming to see you because they wish you're that guy who can make things happen on date one.... and you won't be that guy if you make her feel like a slut.
No matter how lustful she feels with you, she can't feel like she's the one initiating sex or takes the blame for it. You must make sex look as spontaneous as possible. The timing was right and it just happened. (That's what she wants to tell her friends and herself).
Your girl didn't go upstairs with you to watch FRIENDS, enjoy your heater or grab some soda. She has FRIENDS on Netflix, it's warm inside her Uber cab and Pepsi is everywhere... She went up with you because:
1. You didn't just call a girl to come over and tell her "Let's go upstairs and fuck" because agreeing to that might make her feel slutty.
2. You gave her an excuse to be at the perfect time and place to get it on. Plus, it's just a touch more passionate and spontaneous.
I remember a girl I met in New York. The date was nice and we made out for around 40 minutes, but still, I couldn’t pull for bad logistics. We met again a week later and, as naïve as I was back then, I expected it to be a “let’s eat and go fuck” date, and that’s how I made it look to her. I was escalating as if she’s my girlfriend already and pushed for sex really quickly.
The more I did it, the more I pushed her away. I wanted sex, she wanted sex, but I looked needy and she felt slutty so none of us had it. Had I treated it like the first date and even pushed her a little bit away, we would have gotten laid. And of course, we never saw each other again.
How to ask a girl to come over through text
There are three scenarios to ask a girl to come over through text:
1. You already know each other (or have had sex before)
This can be as easy as sending her an “eggplant” emoji or saying “u busy?” This is one of the less subtle ways for how to get a girl to come over through text, but it works!
2. She’s a friend, a college or someone you want to date but haven’t been direct with
In situations like these, it’s much easier to ask her out on a date first and then pull her back to your place. If don’t know how to ask her out via text, you can use this method:
- Chat for a while
Exchange in some sort of conversation at first…anything that makes her invest in the relationship.
- Spike up her emotions
Use banter, teasing, sexual tension and role-playing to get her all hot and bothered. Once she’s on a high positive emotional note, you can ask her out.
- Ask her out the right way
Don’t be too specific from the get-go. Suggest that you two should hang out sometime – which makes sense since you’ve been having fun for a while. Once she says yes, ask for her schedule, and pick a date that's not longer than three days ahead. If she says yes, stay chatty for a few days – but keep it short – then suggest the activity and the meetup point.
The third scenario is if you met her on Tinder or some dating app. And here’s how to ask her to come over…
How to get a girl to come over from Tinder
There are two ways to get a girl to come over from Tinder. The first one is the dating routine. You chat, she likes you, goes out with you and then sits on your face.
The second scenario is getting the girl to come over right away. And in case you wonder, yes, some girls will come over after meeting on Tinder without much hassle but under three conditions…
1. Your bio is very polarizing
Write down what you like and don’t like in a woman. Turn her most erotic and most submissive sex fantasy into words and you’ll get girls to come from Tinder faster.
Some girls will think what you wrote is just downright stupid, but the ones who will swipe right on you will be more submissive and more willing to come home right away because that’s what they signed up for. This works better if your profile includes a couple of hot or shirtless photos.
2. She’s very receptive from the beginning
If she mentions your bio from the beginning, drops hints about sex or compliments how confident you seem to be, use it as a sign to ask her to come over.
3. You’re hot, famous, or very rich
Right place, right time.
If the girl feels you’re a true catch or a one-in-a-million opportunity with a lot of options at your disposal, then she will try to hook up with you pretty fast. Maybe she likes you, or maybe she wants the validation of sleeping with someone like you. But if your Tinder photos are 10/10 and your profile is extremely appealing, then your chance of getting her to come over is sky-high.
These are my tips on how to ask a girl to come over without being a total creep. Remember to be funny, be charming and be yourself. Some women are game for a fun night at your place while others need a little more convincing. If you both know what you want that night, convincing her to come over shouldn't be too hard. But if she's playing just a little hard to get, you can use my tips above to steer her in the right direction.