If you're wondering what to do after a first date that didn't end with you having sex, then let's get you on the right track.
To help you get laid on your second date, I'll show you exactly what needs to happen, and I'll also highlight some of the biggest mistakes men make on dates with women which ruin their chances of having sex that day.
So, let's dive right in!
What To Do After a First Date
(If you don't close the deal)
The first and most crucial step of what to do after a first date that didn't end in sex is - don't worry! And don't even think of beating yourself up over it!
Fact is, getting laid on the first date consistently is very challenging. Not many guys can pull this off with ease because there are so many things that can go wrong, and there's simply too much stuff that's out of your control.
Plus, most women don't want to look slutty, which is why more often than not, they won't sleep with all but the most seductive guys on first dates, for fear of seeming like they're too easy.
But here's the bright side - if both you and the woman you met had fun and enjoyed each other's company on your first date, then you're already well on your way to having fun beneath the sheets with her when you meet her again!
So, to show you what to do after a first date if you want to get laid on your next one, here's what has to happen.
Have Fun, Connect, and Create Sexual Tension
To get laid on a date - any date - here's what you need:
- She has to trust you
- She must be comfortable being close to you and with your touch
- She has to be attracted to you
- There must be at least some rapport and a connection (unless you're in a club and she's specifically looking for a one night stand with no strings attached!)
- There has to be Sexual Tension, and you have to Escalate on it at the right time!
These are the most critical points that you have to focus on when learning what to do after a first date if you didn't end up having sex. It doesn't matter how many dates you go on before you have sex because what matters is the attraction between you.
I can usually go over this checklist with almost any guy who's been on a first date and didn't get laid, and pinpoint exactly why that didn't happen.
She either didn't trust you, didn't feel comfortable being near you or with your touch, wasn't very attracted to you, or there wasn't enough rapport and connection between you two. Alternatively, there probably was no sexual spark, which is also known as Sexual Tension!
The vast majority of guys will find their mistake in this list, so let's tackle all of them in greater detail so that you have much better success on your next date!
Trust and Comfort
If you want to get laid on your second date, or any date at all for that matter - she has to trust you!
So if you talk on the phone before a date, try to make her as comfortable talking to you as possible.
She must also be comfortable with you and your touch, and shouldn't shy away from it.
But don't worry, it's not that difficult to build both trust and comfort when you're on a date because they increase the more time you spend with the woman.
To seem more trustworthy, you have to show her your genuine personality and be honest and authentic when you're talking to her. This means, among other things, not feigning interest in topics that aren't interesting to you, and not pretending to like things that you really dislike.
In general, if women notice that you're faking something about yourself when you're talking to them, they won't trust you.
Being genuine and authentic is one of the most attractive qualities a man can possess - and women respect a man like that and find him that much more attractive.
Now, regarding comfort - it's all about being relaxed, warm, and gradually physical.
To sleep with any woman you go on a date with, she has to be very comfortable with you being close to her, and with your touch. And by very comfortable, I mean that she eventually shouldn't have a problem with you putting your arm around her, gently touching her hair, or brushing the back of your palm against her cheek, and even more intimate touching.
That's why showing her that you're a physical person is very important - so don't be afraid to touch her! Here's how you do it: You start off slow, and then you gradually increase the frequency of your touch, and how and where you touch her.
Begin with a regular handshake when you meet her, or even a warm little hug, then gradually go onto hand-holding, or putting your arm around her waist when you're opening a door for her and ushering her into a bar, cafe, restaurant, or some other place where you're going.
Then, while you're on your date, don't be afraid of showing her something with your hands, touch hers at appropriate moments, and, eventually, sit next to her.
The more occasions you have to touch her naturally and pleasantly, in a way that's not weird or creepy, the more comfortable she'll eventually be with you. Then, when the time is right, and when you've enjoyed each other's company, and after you've seen that she likes you, your touch should become more and more intimate and sensual.
This will increase the sexual tension, and she'll want you even more - but we'll get to that. Just don't forget - don't hesitate when you're touching her! Women, especially older women, adore a man who knows what he's doing, who doesn't hesitate and doesn't act like a lost little boy.
There Has to Be Attraction
At the risk of sounding redundant - no woman will sleep with you if she's not attracted to you. That's very obvious - but how do you build attraction on your second date if your first one didn't go well?
Well, since we're talking about what to do after a first date, it actually doesn't matter whether it's your first date or second because to build attraction, you're pretty much going to do the same thing.
Here's what you do: You focus on HAVING FUN, and showing her your personality, along with your passions, your sense of humor, and everything which makes you remarkable.
Unfortunately, if you have the personality of a doorknob, not many women will like you or be attracted to you. If that's the case, take it as a sign that you need to develop yourself and your personality a little bit more, until you become someone who's fun to hang around with.
But really, it's that simple - you focus on having fun and refrain from being needy, desperate, or super weird, and most of the time, the attraction part will take care of itself. It's actually a bit more complicated than that - but for starters, just focusing on having fun above all else will solve most of your problems on dates.
The more she enjoys your company, and the less you brag to her, try to impress her or put her on a pedestal, the more attracted to you she'll become.
Rapport and Connection
First of all, rapport is similar to affinity, in that it's a close and harmonious relationship in which the people involved understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well.
In other words - notice how two buddies talk to each other, as opposed to two businessmen! The businessmen will be courteous, overly polite, and stiff when talking to each other, whereas two friends will be very open, accepting of each other, empathetic, and warm.
Building rapport also helps you build trust and comfort. So, how do you build rapport? There are a few ways to do it, including using your body language, your tone of voice, your eye contact, and your words.
Unfortunately, most guys focus solely on their words, which is a huge mistake because when seducing women, your mannerisms, physicality, and voice tonality matter more than the words that are coming out of your mouth.
And you should remember this when trying to learn what to do after a first date that didn't end up in sex - because your non-verbal communication is a potent tool that you need to use as often as you can. The time between the first and second date doesn't matter as much as learning what to do next.
But to not leave things so vague, here's a little secret to building massive rapport, along with powerful attraction: Talk to her and treat her as if you've already had sex!
If you pull this off, this thing alone will change your subconscious communication so much that she'll naturally find you very attractive, and feel as if she's known you forever. And trust me, your subconscious communication when talking to women is pretty much one of the most important things. It's what separates guys who get laid a lot, from those who struggle to seduce women.
But if you can't pull it off, simply talk to her and see if you can find some common ground, mutual interests, or create a shared experience together.
Now let's talk about connection. A critical component which will make a woman comfortable enough sleeping with you is the sense that you and she have connected on a meaningful level, and that something is tying you two together. In essence, if she feels like you see her for who she is as a person at her core, and appreciate her for who she is, then you’ll go very far with her.
To create a connection, focus on getting to know her as a person! Find out what drives her, what she wants out of life, what her values, ideals, aspirations, passions, and goals are.
Then, share some of your own. If you take a genuine interest in her as a person and don't just look at her as a walking sex-doll, then you'll easily find something you like about her, and connect with her on a deeper level.
This is one of the most important things when learning what to do after a first date that failed if you want your next date to succeed.
Create and Utilize Sexual Tension!
This is, by far, the most crucial part of sleeping with a woman after any date. If there's no sexual spark, no matter how much fun you've both had, no matter how much she likes you, and no matter how charming, cool, or awesome you are - you won't sleep with her.
You create sexual tension by showing your sexual intent!
In fact, you can even just state it, by saying something like:
"Damn, you look so fine in that dress, I want to take my time ripping it off you later tonight...", while you're holding strong eye contact with her, and smiling like you know something she doesn't.
This is a very strong and direct statement of sexual intent, and if she likes you enough, it will work quite well quite often. She'll feel aroused, and may even get horny. Don't do anything to release that sexual tension, don't apologize about your sexuality, don't even try to kiss her yet if it’s still early in the date - just hold the sexual tension and keep building it.
Holding sexual tension throughout your date is very important, and the more you hold it while sprinkling several sexual comments throughout your date, the more aroused and horny she will become later that evening.
However, while a lot of women like a direct statement that you want them sexually, especially older ones who know what they want and have much experience, many will still prefer when you do it indirectly, and show it more discreetly.
Remember, mystery, allure, and misinterpretation can do a lot of work for you if you use them right and unleash them on her imagination. A woman’s sexual imagination is a powerful thing - why do you think they like romance novels so much?
That's why sexual innuendos, double entendres, innocent comments that are seemingly dirty, and similar stuff have an incredibly powerful effect on women and can easily arouse and even make them very horny very fast.
Plus, you can also create sexual tension indirectly, by using your eye contact, body language, your words, and even your mind!
To use your mind, you utilize something called the Principle of State Transference, which basically means that whatever you feel very strongly, she will start feeling it as well!
To do that, you have to imagine her naked, right then and there, and all the sexual things you want to do to her, very vividly, and in as much detail as you can. This will, naturally and obviously, make YOU horny, and make your dick swell, if there's nothing wrong with your libido. Feel that arousal, don't try to suppress it, and look at her with that little glint in your eyes and that sly smirk that screams at her louder than your words could, that you want to bang her brains out.
Sounds confusing? Well, to put it simply - when you feel very horny yourself by imagining having sex with her, she will subconsciously catch onto those feelings and will start to become aroused herself, even though she may not even know why!
She might even ask you something like "Hey, what are you thinking about?", or "What?" if you stare at her for too long, lost in your sexual thoughts, and you can simply reply with "Oh, nevermind… I'll show you later when we're somewhere more private..."
Saying something like that will spike her emotions through the roof and will create a massive amount of sexual tension. Provided that she's already attracted to you - but you made sure to focus on having fun and not being needy or desperate, right? So that won't be a problem!
Now I’ll briefly mention eye contact and body language - and then show you how to use your words to build that sexual spark.
Eye contact is a powerful thing, and it's proven to create both arousal and attraction in people who look at each other’s eyes for a longer time in an intimate setting. Just try it - hold strong and steady eye contact with her, make her the one to look away first, and you'll see a huge difference in how she perceives you.
If you can't hold strong eye-contact yet - here's a little trick you can use on your next date: Play a silly little game with her, where the person who blinks first, loses! Trust me, this game does wonders, and it's one of my favorite things to do as the date goes further. I've never met a woman who refused to play it if I present it in a fun and lighthearted way.
Finally, to teach you what to do after a first date, I’ll show you how to create sexual tension with your words.
It’s nothing more complicated than simply taking your conversations with her towards increasingly sexual topics. This should usually happen during the later stages of the date when you've already connected with her, created rapport, trust, and comfort, and enough attraction so that she likes you.
Now it's time to use all that to create sexual tension, spark her sexual interest in you, and awaken her naughty side.
Talking about sex and sexual topics with her will quickly turn the conversation from something friendly to something intimate. It’s what separates guys who get friend zoned from those who become her lover.
That’s because when women talk about sex with you, if they find you sufficiently attractive, they won't be able to help themselves but associate all the sexual thoughts with you and will eventually start imagining you two having sex.
And that's exactly your goal - to get women who like you to think about having sex with you. Combine that with your increasingly sensual and intimate touch, and with your eye contact, deeper tone of voice, and appropriate body language - and she'll want you right then and there.
You can ask her questions like: "Where was the wildest place you've ever had sex?", or "Do you enjoy it when a guy grabs your hair and pushes you against the wall to make out with you, or are you a more sensual and soft person who doesn't like it rough?"
Ask her things like "What turns you on the most in a man?", or "Have you ever considered kissing a woman?", or even "What's your favorite position?"
Just don't overdo it right off the bat - start slow, with seemingly innocent comments that have a sexual undertone, and ramp up the naughty talk gradually, to full-blown talk about what turns her on and makes her moan with pleasure. You'll be surprised how far you'll go!
At times certain times, you can even refrain from saying anything after you talk about sex with her. Merely hold her gaze while smiling warmly at her, feel the tension, let it play out - and don't back down. This will keep her guessing what's really on your mind and will drive her even more nuts. You must be comfortable being silent with her.
Lastly, you have to ESCALATE!
You're the man; she's the woman. You're the dominant one; she's the submissive one. You HAVE to escalate and make your move, or nothing will happen. It doesn't matter where you go on your date because you can escalate anywhere.
A lot of guys have problems pulling the trigger at this point, but there’s no other way - you have to grow some balls and make your move, or you won’t get anywhere.
When you see that she likes you, when you've connected with her, when she trusts you and is comfortable being near you and doesn't shy away from your touch - and you've created sexual tension - you must make your move.
So, simply take notice how she reacts towards you and your touch. If it’s positive, then just turn to her, tell her "Come here" lean in, or put your arm behind her head and pull her in, and go for a makeout. Don't worry, if you’ve done everything right at this point; she's more than ready.
Just make sure not to make out with her too long and to be the one who breaks it off first. This will KEEP the sexual tension because you're going to need it later when you're both back at your place or hers.
Then, find a decent excuse to invite her back to your place, or simply say "Hey, let's get out of here!". If she likes you enough, she'll go with you.
On your way back to your place or hers, don’t become awkward all of a sudden, and don’t start behaving like you’re some weirdo who just got lucky and is about to get laid. Play it cool, talk with her more, tease her, flirt more, and try to create even more sexual tension.
When you're back home, make sure to make out with her within the first 10 minutes while the sexual tension is still there, and then simply lift her up and take her to your bedroom.
Remember, you're the man - you're the dominant one, and she's the woman - she's the submissive one. So, you actually pick her up in your arms and take her to your bedroom after the makeout.
Conclusion of what to do after a first date
So let's recap what to do after a first date that ended up with no sex, and why you may have failed.
If she doesn't trust you, focus on showing her that you're honest and authentic. If she's not comfortable near you, spend more time with her and don't be afraid to touch her, increasing the intensity and frequency gradually.
If there's no rapport and meaningful connection, focus on getting to know her better as a person and share some personal stuff about yourself, too. Remember, this stuff goes both ways!
If there's no attraction - focus on having fun while showing her your sense of humor, your personality, your best qualities, and that you're a man, while not trying to impress her, not being needy, desperate, creepy, or weird, or putting her on a pedestal.
If there's no sexual spark - focus on having a more warm and intimate body language, on maintaining intense eye contact with her, on thinking about sex yourself, and on talking with her about sexual topics.
Finally, escalate, escalate, and escalate. Touch her hair gently, or brush the outer part of your hand on her cheek, and see if she responds positively to it. If she does - kiss her! Then, invite her to come to your place, make out with her, lift her up - and take her straight to your bedroom.
I hope this short but powerful guide shows you what to do after a first date and helps you achieve your goals and start an awesome sexual relationship with the woman you like.
And don’t worry if you don’t get laid even if you do everything right. Some things may still remain out of your control; she might be on her period, or she might have just gotten out of a horrible relationship and doesn’t trust guys yet, or a thousand other things.
Continue having fun with her, creating sexual tension, and escalating - and you’re gonna get it on eventually!