Do you have a crush on a woman in your friend group? Maybe you’ve known each other for a while and you’re developing feelings for her. But you’re not quite sure if she likes you back because she might only see you as her friend. Then you need to learn how to create sexual tension to stop her from seeing you as “just a friend”!
Below, we’ll help you amp up your sexual chemistry so that the woman you like become attracted to you. Take a look at our tips and use them to turn your friend into a potential girlfriend. Who knows, if she can no longer deny her attraction to you, she might end up making the first crucial move!
How to Create Sexual Tension with a Female Friend
Don’t worry, falling in love with a friend is perfectly normal. Actually, a recent study has shown that friends make the best lovers. The researchers revealed that “investing in the friendship aspect of the relationship” improves love, sexual gratification and romantic commitment.
For this reason, the friendzone is not as bad as teen dramas from the 90s make you think. Instead, it may turn into an opportunity to build a strong, fulfilling relationship.
However, keep in mind that what distinguishes two friends from two lovers is sexual tension. Keep reading to learn how to build it, so you can leave the friendzone once and for all!
One core principle of generating sexual tension is in the art of setting a premise. It is the idea of evaluating the person you are dating as much as they are evaluating you. This not only balances out the power dynamic in the relationship, it also creates uncertainty in your interaction between you and her.
Uncertainty creates sexual tension.
Think of a premise like being a doctor, as opposed to a pushy salesman. You have a problem, I have a solution and you’re the one that chooses to take up that solution. People don’t like being sold to, they like buying.
This analogy is exemplified in the luxury products industry. Their staff isn’t pushing their luxury products in your face. You’re the one pining to be in their shops to get that limited edition of that particular product.
In this case, you are framing yourself to be the luxury product and she's the buyer.
The premise is the context in which you establish any relationship. If you find yourself constantly chasing, putting in an effort and not getting any investment from her end, you lack a premise. You are also likely to lack relationship boundaries.
For example, if you are always the nice guy who always makes himself available to her, she’ll perceive you as a nice guy going forward. That’s the premise of your relationship with her moving forward in time. It’s harder to change that precedent of a relationship between you and her as opposed to establishing it early.
Of course, setting a premise in itself is limiting in itself. You need to be able to walk the talk. If you are a self-invested individual, then evaluating your time spent with anyone is part of your personal values and not some phony trick.
Create sexual tension when you’re alone together
Around your mutual friends, it’s very unlikely that you’ll be able to build sexual tension. Find an excuse to spend some one-on-one time with her. For example, if you’re in a crowded bar, ask her to go outside for a breath of fresh air.
Alternatively, invite her to hang out with you rather than with the whole friend group. Remember to keep it casual at first to avoid the pressure of a “real” date. Do you both like sports? If this is the case, ask her to go for a jog together in the morning.
This way, she won’t be distracted from your advances by the prying eyes of other people she knows.
There are a few things you can also do to more naturally create the tension:
- The Basics
Firstly, the basics work at all times: dress well on a date, have good relaxed open body language and eye contact. This means not being too jittery, not being shifty in your gaze and putting on a relaxed smile.
- Get off the alcohol
Secondly, the dating advice out there that absolutely against alcohol in an attempt to get sexual with women. I have nothing against casual drinking and trying to meet girls. It'll be socially weird if you are out on a bar just to hit on girls with on drinks on hand. If you're just using it as a social gel, such as getting a drink with a girl who’s already into you, then it’s fine.
However, if you're using alcohol as a crutch to hit on women then that's the problem. If you're so afraid of your own sexuality that you're using alcohol to deal with it, then I recommend you look into my guide about toxic shame.
- Don't take any shortcuts
In the popular self-help book Think or Grow Rich, it’s suggested that the most successful and powerful people in history go on sexual abstinences to preserve energy for work. Research and studies also back up that adult sites can screw up your perception of sex as portrays an unrealistic picture of human sexuality. If you can’t help but need to get one-off, you should only be doing it after accomplishing everything you want to achieve in the day.
If you are raring to go with all that pent-up sexual aggression... it's going to rub off in your interactions with women. You are going to be a lot more sexually aggressive and be primed to take more social risks.
Show her that you’re interested in her
This is a crucial step to avoid the dreaded friendzone. Most of the time, women expect the man to make the first move. So, make it clear that you find her hot with sexy compliments and flirty touches.
The longer she’s been seeing you as “just a friend,” the slower you should progress towards actual flirting. If you’ve never shown sexual interest for her before, then you suddenly grab her butt, it will be very awkward!
Start by complimenting her outfit in an innocent way. Notice when she changes her haircut or makeup. Then gradually escalate towards expressing your appreciation for the sexiest parts of her body.
Get her to see you as a sexual person
Stop acting as the “nice guy” around her. We’re not saying that you should be rude, but don’t be afraid to tell funny sexual jokes and innuendos. This way, she’ll start to see you as a sexual being rather than a platonic cuddle buddy.
Always talk about sex in a positive and non-judgemental way. If she knows that you won’t consider her a slut, she’ll feel free to become incredibly naughty …
Only, avoid bragging about how many women you brought home during your last weekend away. This will kill the sexual tension rather than building it up!
How to create sexual tension with physical contact
The seduction experts always recommend starting with touching the woman in a friendly way as soon as you met her. This is the best way to make her accustomed to you touch, so you’ll be able to escalate towards caressing and kissing.
But, what if your love interest is someone you already know? Don’t worry: This powerful technique called kino escalation can still work.
When you’re with her, play games that involve touching her hands. Pretend that you’re a fortune teller and read her palm or play red hands. Also, give her high fives and pat her back whenever you have the chance.
When she’ll be accustomed to this kind of friendly touch, you’ll have to escalate very slowly towards something sexier. Hold her hand briefly while making eye contact, or put your hand on her knee. Then watch out for signs that she's horny!
Maintain strong eye contact with her
One of the best ways to create sexual attraction with a woman is through eye contact. To make your gaze more seductive, the dating expert Chase Amante recommends relaxing the muscles around your eyes.
He also says that you should deliver all your eye contact laser superpower into one of her eyes. In other words, choose one of her eyes and look at it. This way, your eye contact will feel incredibly intense.
However, remember to never look down: Amante warns that this gesture will make you look like a “beta” male. But if she looks down after eye contact with you, she’s definitely interested!
Another useful eye contact technique is the so-called “triangular gaze.” It’s used by many renowned pick-up artists and it creates great sexual tension. It involves looking first at one of the woman’s eyes, then at the other and finally at her lips.
Remember that the progression from looking to one spot to the other must be slow and sensual. If done correctly, it’s a great technique to use before kissing!
Be more confident
Here at Beyond Ages, we’ve said it countless times: Women are attracted to confident guys! Brett and Kate McKay, the founders of the popular webzine ArtOfManliness.com, have great advice to skyrocket your self-confidence.
First and foremost, they recommend that you start dressing better. “Does this mean you have to go metrosexual and lather yourself in creams? No”, say the experts. “It does mean to take time for a basic grooming routine and learning the basics of dressing appropriately.”
Find a style that suits your personality, and always wear clothes that actually fit your body. Wear a fresh and seductive scent, paying attention to never overdo it. Also, start exercising: There’s no better way to feel great in your own skin!
Lastly, the McKays advise that you try learning new skills, like a new language or martial arts. It helps to demonstrate to yourself that you’re always ready to adapt to new environments, boosting your self-esteem.
Creating sexual tension through text
When she’s not with you, learn how to create sexual tension over text and messaging apps. Make sure that your texts are short and witty, and pay attention to grammar and spelling. Avoid texting abbreviations. This makes you look boyish and immature.
Turning a woman on with words works both in real life and through text. So if you need help with that, check out our guide!
Don’t talk about your exes
In order to create a sexy vibe, try to keep the conversation playful and lighthearted. Even if you know her very well, avoid sensitive topics (like politics) that may distract her from flirting with you.
Another bad topic to discuss with a woman you want to seduce is your exes. If she keeps visualizing you with another lady, it will be very difficult to create sexual tension.
From the other side, don’t encourage her to whine about her selfish and possessive exes when she’s with you. She must see you as a sexy man and a potential lover, not as a shoulder to cry on! Following this piece of advice will keep the friendzone at bay.
Avoid being too available
If you’re already friends with the woman you’d like to seduce, chances are that you’ve been too available lately. Constantly texting her and always being available to discuss her problems is the fastest lane to the friendzone!
Don’t reply immediately to her texts—wait a few minutes instead. This will make you look like a person with a high social value, i.e., busy and with an active social life. In other words, she’ll start perceiving you as more attractive.
Keep in mind that you should never be available to discuss her problems with other guys she’s dating. This will make her see you as “just a friend,” which is exactly what you want to avoid.
Beware of oneitis
Oneitis is when you obsess over a woman without even knowing if she's into you. She could be the one that got away, your long-time crush or a woman who just has everything you want in a partner. But while this line of thinking might work in rom-coms, it's not going to get you far in real life.
When you pin all your romantic hopes and dreams on your friend, you end up doing everything you can to make her want you back. However, if she ultimately doesn't want you back, there is really nothing you can do.
So if you've been trying to tell your friend that you want her sexually or romantically but she's not interested in you, it's time to let her go. Get out there and meet other women. Focus on a hobby. Focus on self-improvement. Find other ways to find happiness because the happiness you pinned on her won't work out.
Understand Power Dynamics
If you are outrightly demonstrating your undying love for her... she knows she already won you over right from the start. You are also putting all of your cards on the table without generating any form of emotional investment on her end. You are giving away too much power too early on. She also doesn't really feel truly appreciated by you. She doesn't feel special.
That's because you haven't 'qualified' or 'disqualified' her. Only by consciously approving, disapproving, giving and withdrawing validation... you can get her to chase and emotionally invest.
This creates sexual tension between you and her that is aching to be resolved through insatiable mutual lust.
Trust Your Gut
There’s something to be said about trusting yourself on a gut level. The more you look to others to completely imitate sexually attractive behaviors, the more you’ll find yourself feeling like an imposter. Stop looking to others to copy behavior. Trust yourself.
Trusting yourself and holding her hand, going for the kiss or grabbing her by the waist on a date are romantically polarizing behaviours. You’re putting yourself up for rejection. However, it demonstrates true confidence. Girls can sense that kind of true confidence.
I quote a line from Models by Mark Manson:
"Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing."
Lead Physically and Always Be Leading
To elicit sexual tension, it's all about leading. You’ll need to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. She's not going to do it for you. It's naturally congruent to be a leader and sexually confident. If you’re approaching a woman with intent, you have to back it up by being congruent. Women respond to leadership.
If you’re looking to move a romantic interaction to a venue that allows for more intimacy, don’t ask, lead. She's not going to say yes because that makes her look like the decision-maker. She’s not going to lead the interaction for you. That’s because she can’t look like 'a slut' to modern cultural narratives. You need to be the one 'responsible'.
You can start with light social touches (elbows and shoulders) as a means to create sexual tension and then escalate from there. If she signals that she is comfortable with your touches, then lead and slowly escalate.
Sexual Tension isn’t Built from Memorizing Lines
If you are relying on routines and canned lines to build sexual tension you are bound to run out of words. I once planned everything, worried about everything, and tried to do every damned detail right in my interactions in person, intext and went to the extent of analyzing every single interaction.
Needless to say, I was too stifled in my interactions. It's a misconstrued idea that romantic interactions can be completely objectified. Social interactions ain't hard science. Romantic interactions are like a cosmic clash. You're an unknown entity to her and vice versa. Sometimes, it's going to be awkward for both of you. That's completely natural. So expect some nervousness, awkwardness and ride the waves.
If you’re too reliant on canned routines, you are going to find yourself being the entertainer as opposed to the sexually arousing male. This certainly destroys sexual tension. In my younger days, I tend to get into this whole ‘frat’ boy kind of schtick when out on a date just to demonstrate that I’m friendly and confident and the same time. It’s a schtick. Girls can sniff out whether you’re really sexually confident or simply putting a front.
Sexual Tension Can Exist without Emotional Connection
Yes, you can be sexually attracted to a woman without being emotionally connected to her. For most of us, you're taught that for sex to happen, you need to feel emotionally connected with a woman or have to have meaningful conversations. No, that’s not true. You can feel sexual desire for a woman completely for her physique. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
In reality, you are not going to connect emotionally with every woman you are sexually attracted to. However, you're mostly going to desire to have sex with many physically attractive women. There's no need to apologize for your natural attraction to the feminine.
There are many women who aren’t looking to connect with anybody at that point in her life. She may just want to date around. Note, she's not going to say anything that makes her look like a slut because modern society makes it hard for women to express these notions. Hence, don't decide for her whether there's sexual tension between you and her.
Looking back, I had tons of times where I was out with a girl and didn't notice that there was chemistry. I thought we were simply 'hanging out'. Needless to say, I missed out on a ton of opportunities.
Now that you know how to create sexual tension with a friend, give these steps a try. Gradually escalate the touches and flirtation, and who knows where it can lead!