Going from your first call (online dating) with a woman to your first date is a big step. In this guide, you’ll learn how to do it seamlessly. So many guys get hung up on that first phone call that they blow it from the minute they start that first conversation. But the first call in online dating shouldn't be too difficult. In fact, if you use our tips below, you might even end up with a date right after that call!
Online Dating: Should You Talk on the Phone Before Meeting?
Yes, the first phone call with someone you met through dating online is your first "real" interaction with them. You have officially gone beyond cyberspace and have exchanged private contact information. It’s great to talk on the phone before meeting! It is MUCH harder to go from messaging to talking on the phone than from talking on the phone to a real meeting in person. If you are having difficulties getting numbers, take a look at our guide to online messaging.
Fortunately, the process of going from the phone to an in-person meeting is easier and faster than messaging back and forth. You should be using this initial phone call to get to know the woman you are talking to and make sure they are worth the time and effort to meet in person. You are a busy person and don't have time to waste on incompatible people or flakes. If you approach this call with the mindset that you are screening them to make sure they are worth the effort you will be confident, relaxed and most able to be your true self on the phone.
Follow these steps below to have the best shot at landing a first date, assuming that is what you are after.
Online Dating: Calling First Time and Landing a First Date
When you’ve met a woman from online dating, calling for the first time can be nerve-wracking. This step-by-step guide should help ease the nerves.
Setting Up The First Phone Call
Proceeding from our guide to online messaging you want to set up the date and time for your call. Once she sends you her number via email send her a quick message back that is simply:
"Great. My number is xxx-xxx, I'll text you and we can set up a time to get to know each other a little better."
Wait a day. Then send her a quick text like:
"Hey Jenny, it's Kevin from [dating app]! When is the best time for you next week to get to know each other a little bit on the phone? I'm free Tuesday or Thursday 7-9 p.m."
You want to keep conversation to a minimum via text before the call and lock down a date and time right away. Older women especially are going to be busy so you want to schedule ahead of time. Trying to randomly call a woman during the week is a great way to talk to a lot of answering machines. Take the lead and offer a couple of times in the early evening to have a quick call. If she can't make those, you can always be flexible. But you want to take the lead from the start.
First Phone Call Preparation
Even in dating, the most prepared guy is usually going to come out on top. Especially once you get the hang of messaging and are talking to several women at once, preparation is key.
Time to go back to your school days and start taking some notes. Read through her profile again and list out a few things including:
What To Write Down
- Common interests
- Questions about interesting things in her profile
- Any recent travel she has had
- Favorite foods or restaurants
This is going to be your backup list in case the conversation stalls. If you reach a point in the conversation where you both go quiet, you can pull one of the topics of conversation from your list. This will also ensure that you don't mix her up with a different woman on the call!
While you are at it, write her name at the top of the list. That should prevent you from repeating a less than ideal blunder that I once made...
You should also list out a few interesting or funny stories about yourself to weave into the conversation. You want to try to weave in a few of your best stories here. One or two is great to keep her interested and laughing. If the conversation is going great without them feel free to save them for the first date.
Call a Couple of Minutes Late
You don't want to call exactly at the time of your scheduled call. It might sound like a small thing but you don't want to come off as too eager at this point. Plus, there is a very real possibility that she isn't just waiting by the phone for your call or is running later. Either way, you are guaranteeing that you maximize your time and don't get her voicemail.
A couple of minutes is two or three, not fifteen.
First Phone Call Greeting and Tone
You want to have a friendly and engaging tone for the entirety of the call. Without any body language to read, all of your communication has to be verbal. You want to project energy and confidence into your voice and break her out of whatever mood she is currently in.
Don't assume that whoever answers the phone is her. Start of with:
"Hey is this Jenny? *She says yes* Hey Jenny, it's Kevin."
If you get her voicemail - Leave a message if she doesn't answer. You don't know why she missed your call, so don't assume anything. A simple message like this is ideal:
"Hey Jenny it's Kevin! Give me a call when you get this. My number is xxx-xxx."
She will probably call you back shortly but if she doesn't DON'T CALL HER AGAIN. If you don't hear back from her that day, then she is probably a flake. But you can text her a few days later to try and set up another call.
What to Say in Your First Phone Call
Whether or not you’ve met through online dating, calling the first time shouldn’t be a serious affair.
The actual conversation itself should be fun and playful. You want to keep it fairly light, tease her a bit, and get to know each other. Try not to get into any controversial topics or anything too deep if you can help it. The whole goal of this conversation is to make sure she is worth meeting in person and setting up the date. Just keep in mind that if you met her on a hookup site, there's a huge chance you could have sex on the first date.
The entire call should be 15-20 minutes tops. Once you reach that threshold, you need to decide if you want to meet her in person or not. That’s all it really takes to go from your first call in online dating to setting up a date.
What to do if you don't want to meet her in person - If you decide that there isn't any chemistry on your part, that is completely normal. Not every call is going to work out. You should give the woman the benefit of the doubt though. Not everyone can be as prepared and confident as you on the phone and some people are much better in person. If you still decide to call it off simply end the call gently like this:
"Well Jenny, it has been a pleasure getting to know you a bit more but I have to be going."
Simple and to the point. Say your goodbyes and get off the phone. At this point, you know you don't want to see her again. So there is no point in drawing out the process and getting her hopes up. Send her a quick text and let her down easy with an honest response:
"Hey Jenny, it was nice meeting you today. You seem like a great woman but I don't think there was a connection. Best of luck to you!"
Short, sweet, and honest.
How to Set Up a Date in Your First Phone Call
If you decide you want to move forward to a first date you want to wrap up the call and set up that date immediately. A good transition to use is:
"Hey Jenny, it has been a pleasure getting to know you a bit more but I have to be going. I think we should meet in person for drinks and stimulating conversation next week. I'm free Tuesday and Thursday next week around 7 p.m. What works best for you?"
The phrasing is important here. You want to let her know that she has passed the first test and make it very easy for her to say "yes" to the first date (and maybe even plan for a second date!).
With this phrasing all that she has to do is pick a date, making it easy to go from your first call in online dating to an actual date. Assuming your conversation went well this will be a very natural transition. Once she tells you what day works best you want to wrap up the call ASAP. Say this and get off the phone:
"Great. I'll text you later on in the week with the details. Talk to you later Jenny."
That's it. Get off the phone!
A quick note about the first date - Drinks or coffee is the perfect first in-person date for a number of reasons:
Why do drinks or coffee on the first date
- Bars and coffee shops are simple
- It's hard to say "no" to
- It's cheap
- If things are going well you can move to another spot easily
- If things are going poorly you can end it and move on easily
Basically, drinks or coffee dates offer a lot of flexibility without much commitment on your part. You are not committing to spending several hours with someone you barely know, but are still getting to know them more.
And if things go well, you can start thinking about what to do after that first date.
Once you’ve completed that first call, online dating won’t seem so intimidating.
If you are still at the point where you are looking to find more older women to date check out our Best Online Cougar Dating Sites Review to find the best places to do so. There are a lot of scam sites out there to avoid that can be hard to spot. You will also find Match.com reviews, and eHarmony reviews for those most interested in dating older women.