If you’ve been ignored by too many women online for far too long, I’m going to show you the best ways to talk to women online and get their attention.
Any guy who has tried online dating will know it's difficult to get the attention of the most desirable women. The reason for this is: these women tend to be overwhelmed with messages from potential suitors. When you fire that message off into cyberspace, it typically falls into an inbox that's bursting with thirsty guys. That's why, if your messages aren't fun or interesting, they'll almost definitely be lost in this cesspit of horny dudes. It's a frustrating reality for men, which can make talking to women online feel exhausting.
However, once you learn a few tricks of the trade, it is possible to win the attention of the beautiful women you may not have otherwise met.
Read on to learn a few simple tricks you can implement today to get a conversation started with women online.
The Best Ways To Talk To Women Online
Words are all your romantic interest can see when you're exchanging online messages. That's why you need to pay extra attention to your choice of vocabulary.
Firstly, you need to do your English homework. Bad spelling and grammar is unlikely to be a deal-breaker when you meet a woman out in the real world. But it'll have a huge impact on her first impression of you when you meet online.
Misspellings and text speak make you look childish and unintelligent. When your written words are all she has to get to know you, it'll be difficult for her to forgive basic errors. So get out your dictionaries fellas, especially if you’re a terrible speller because you're going to need it.
Being the spelling bee king is one of the best ways to talk to women online and get their attention. They love a smart man, especially one who pays attention to little things like grammar and word choice.
Things like the words cant, luv, wat and ur get under our skin, and not in an attraction-creating-get-into-our-pants kind of way. Don't make a cougar have to look up the meaning of “wrud” on the urban dictionary. Women are busy and don't want to take time out of their busy day to analyze your YMMD, IMHO, THX, HF, cryptic messages.
Hopefully, you’re no longer using netspeak with women and are getting ready to type Sarah a real message with words, full sentences and good grammar.
Spell it out, guys. If you want to say for your eyes only, please, for the love of God don't put 4YEO. That’s just wrong. If you’re messaging your little sister go for it, but an adult woman sees netspeak as childish.
A Guy’s Guide To Grammar Basics For Online Messages
I'm going to go over some online dating grammar basics, so you don't look like an oaf. These are the most common grammar mistakes that will kill your dating potential.
- Not using capital letters at the beginning of a sentence.
- Netspeak, of course, is off limits, unless she starts using it first.
- “LOL” and “OMG” are the only exceptions. Almost everyone knows what these mean.
- Subject-Verb agreement problems.
- Incorrect: “An essential part of online dating have been to learn proper grammar, so I look smart.”
- Correct: “An important part of online dating has been to learn grammar, so I look clever.”
- When you write something, read it out loud to make sure that it makes sense. You want to type how you would speak out loud.
- Misusing “It's and Its”
- It’s means it is.
- “It's my hat.”
- “Its” is the possessive form of “it.”
- “The dog is chasing its tail.”
- Double check the sentence and say the words "it is” to replace “it's” or “its,” to make sure it's correct.
- It’s means it is.
- Misusing “Their,” “They're” and “There”
- “They're” means “they are.”
- Example: “They're getting no dates online because of their bad grammar.”
- “Their” is a possessive pronoun of “they.”
- Example: “They left their proper grammar at their mom's house and don’t know how to impress a woman online.”
- Example: “Let's go there to watch a movie on our date.”
- “They're” means “they are.”
Don’t talk about her physical appearance
A woman's online dating inbox is crammed with guys who have decided to open the conversation with "hi," "hey," "what's up" or a similar greeting.
This isn't only terribly unoriginal, but it also puts the onus on them to start an exciting conversation with you, even though you're currently still a complete stranger. Most women will struggle to find the motivation to do this, especially if they're lucky enough to have hundreds of guys to choose from. Though it helps to have a profile photo that she'll find attractive.
As the guy, it's in your best interest to lead the conversation.
However, when you do, try to focus on something other than the woman's appearance. This is also horrifically unoriginal. It's probably the most cliche thing you can do when you talk to women online.
Yeah, we know you think she is beautiful, but she doesn't need to hear you say it. Because she already knows you think that. That’s why you are sending her a message, right? In that aspect, she’s onto you. She knows why you are popping up in her inbox—because you think she is hot.
If you think she is a dog, we both know you are not going to message her. And if she’s pretty—well, she’s going to get a hundred other messages telling her the same exact thing, and you don't want to be "that" guy.
"That" guy is 30 out of 50 of the last messages she’s recently gotten in her inbox, that say, “you are so sexy” or “Hey Cutie,” and she knows it’s only a pickup line so you can get in her pants. It just doesn't work.
What to say and what not to say
According to OKCupid's Blog, a site that analyzes their matches data and their messages, this is the list of the lowest response rate because of words used.
Don't even think about using these words in an online message—ever. It will make you look desperate.
Even though you think the woman you are messaging is beautiful, she puts her pants on every day, just like you.
Compliments of the more general persuasion do much better. Here is a list of the analyzed words from lowest rated to the highest.
“It's nice that”
The previous list will serve your highest dating good. Use them or ones similar—often.
The best way to talk to women online is to be specific
A lot of guys like to copy and paste the same opening message to hundreds of women online, then follow up with whoever actually responds, as this saves them time. But your messages shouldn't be a sort of reiteration of your online dating bio!
However, research shows that you're more likely to get a response by mentioning something specific about the individual woman.
Sure, you'll actually have to scour her profile to find something to talk about. But this extra time spent will lead to a much higher response rate. So it's actually more efficient in the long run.
Specifics things are more likely to get the attention of someone you like online because people are into themselves. Avoid stereotyping and making assumptions when online dating if you can help it. If you notice she has a dog, you can talk about an experience you had with Fluffy growing up and also ask about her pooch.
The reason this is effective is that you'll be talking about something she's truly passionate about. This makes the conversation more fun for her.
Here are some of the top words analyzed from the most popular to least popular. And they're all pretty good topics when you talk to a woman online.
- Favorite movies
- Grad school
If she mentions that she loves music in her profile say, "If you had to listen to one band for the rest of your life, who would you pick?”
She has visible tattoos, so ask her about the meaning or her tattoo artist.
She mentions reading in her profile. Ask her what kinds of books she likes to read.
Specifics can get her engaged on a deeper level fast and women love to talk about themselves. And when you mention details that are relevant to her, she’ll know you read her profile and paid attention to what she likes.
When you talk to a woman online, strive to be different from all the other guys
When you see how many guys open the conversation with a variant of "Hi" or some uninspiring comment about a woman's appearance, you'll realize it doesn't take too much effort to stand out. Even if you have an amazing online dating photo, your first message is really what seals the deal.
According to Psychology Today, the parts of a woman's brain that regulate her first impressions about you are in the amygdala and the posterior cingulate cortex. It's deep stuff, I know.
These parts of her brain are scoring you on the first impression she has about you. And this happens in a split second. You want her animalistic brain to go into pounce mode, not delete mode.
So, impress her with your vast knowledge of the best ways to talk to women online that you’ve learned here today.
An observation that's specific to her is a great place to start, but you can go further.
Why not turn that observation into an assumption about her personality? It's so easy to do and will likely lead to an original message she's never heard before. Start with her photos (assuming you've confirmed that her photos aren't fake).
"So many travel pics. This makes me think you're spontaneous and adventurous."
"The way you stare into the camera makes me think you're slightly mischievous. My mum told me to stay away from women like you ;)"
You’ll stand out from the other men because you’ve done your homework on what a woman like her desires most from a man.
You’re creative, clever, a good communicator and you’ll make a lasting impression on her from day one. You are the man.
The best way to talk to women online is to be FUN!
As with choosing a photo for your profile that won't hurt your chances, you should also strive to genuinely have fun when you're talking to women online. Your online conversations with women shouldn't look like an interview or an interrogation. They should be light-hearted and amusing. Dating is supposed to be FUN!
When a woman opens her online dating application, she'll naturally gravitate towards the conversations that make her feel GOOD! If your message is no fun for her to answer or she has to put in the effort to make the conversation enjoyable, she probably won't bother.
Instead of asking “how was your day?” it's better to tell a funny story about your day. Or you can delve into deeper topics that will interest her. Then segue into a lighthearted story related to these topics.
If it makes you laugh, there's a good chance she'll enjoy replying to you.
Let her chase you
A lot of men get frustrated with the struggle of keeping a woman's attention during online dating conversations. But women tend to enjoy chasing validation from high-value guys (on a subconscious level at least).
It's a novel experience for them. For the most part, when men talk to a beautiful woman online, it involves complimenting her and pleading for her to come out on a date. They enjoy this, but it doesn't leave a lot of mystery.
It's far more compelling for her when she has to fight for the attention of the guy she wants. This is what makes her feel like she's found a true champion.
You can encourage her to chase you by screening to see if she has all the qualities you're looking for in a girlfriend. Also, don't be afraid to tease her if she says something silly or disagree if she shares an unpopular opinion. This will often serve to make her prove herself to you.
The best way to talk to women online is to lead towards meeting offline
A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to become “pen pals” instead of actually leading the conversation towards a date.
If you do this, you take the risk of your hot prospect becoming more interested in other conversations, finding someone else or getting bored with online dating altogether.
As soon as a woman begins to show signs of interest in you, it's a good idea to grab her phone number or social media details. From there, you can communicate on a platform where you're less likely to be lost in the noise.
Most importantly though, you should always move the conversation towards meeting up. You don't need to know each other's life stories before she agrees to a date.