Here’s the quickest way to get laid: learn how to stop being needy.
Neediness is having more interest in what people think about you or how they approve of you rather than how you think about, or if you approve of yourself.
Does this sound familiar?
Are you the guy who shifts his schedule completely around for a girl when he should be getting his work done?
The guy who says yes when he really wants to say no?
The guy who lets people walk all over him?
How To Stop Being Needy With Older Women
If you’re tired of being needy and want to date older women that are amazing, follow these steps to find out how to being needy around them:
1. You must prioritize your life, needs, and desires above everyone else’s
Many people in society view this as being selfish.
“How can you think just about yourself and not other people?”
But that’s because most people are sheep getting herded or emotionally pulled by a stronger person’s desires and wants.
And usually, it’s not in a good way.
It takes guts and it’s hard to be independent and different, to stand up for yourself.
You’ll get A LOT of pushback because people aren’t used to this.
However, this is the definition of rock bottom neediness.
When you are just doing you and people can come along for the ride if they want.
But if they don’t, you’re OK with it and the potential rejection.
You’re implementing the mindset of, “What do I want?”, versus, “What does everyone else want from me?”.
This is presenting yourself to that older woman without awkwardness and shame and if she says no to your advances, being OK with it.
This is being honest with your intentions of having sex with her.
This is knowing deep inside that staying home and appearing “uncool” to your friends might be more important to you than going clubbing one night, so you can get a jumpstart on work the next day.
The ONLY time it’s OK to put your needs below someone else’s is when you do it as a gift or out of love, without fear of repercussions if you said, “No”.
This is the boyfriend who stays on the phone with his girlfriend for an hour past when he wants to sleep because he genuinely enjoys giving her his time, and doesn’t want anything in return.
The son who gives part of his day to help his Dad build the boat.
This is the core of learning how to stop being needy.
Read Mark Manson’s book, Models, to learn more about his definition of neediness and how he suggests to push through it.
2. You must create and craft a life you love
It’s impossible to be non-needy if you hate your life.
You need to build up your life so you love every facet of it:
Your friends, your health, your hobbies, your job… EVERYTHING.
If you don’t have a life you love, you’ll self-sabotage yourself when meeting older women, because you’re afraid to share what you have with them.
You’ll also look to other people and things that are outside of you to make you happy.
E.g. I need someone to say I’m good to be happy.
I need that watch to feel good.
I need that woman to say that I’m attractive to feel like I am.
The best way to be happy and do well with an older woman, is to not need anything external, and that includes her. This is a great step to overcoming your insecurities.
Speaking of which…
3. You must train yourself to rely on internal instead of external validation
External validation is like a drug:
It’s that one-night-stand, that new watch, that new promotion, that thing that comes and goes as everything does.
And the only way to get more is to find something else external to keep the “high” going.
If you rely on this, you’ll always be clamoring and searching for more, just like a junkie looking for his next hit.
But, internal validation is COMPLETELY controlled by you and is endless.
It comes from doing things you feel inside that are worthwhile.
It’s eating healthy, going to the gym, doing that meditation habit, writing 500 words a day, having the courage to approach the girl, finishing your work, going to bed on time, staying off of YouTube when you should be working…
You can gain MUCH more internal validation because all the factors to make yourself happy are completely set by you, and controllable.
External validation is not controllable.
You can’t decide if that girl will like you or if you’ll get that promotion.
Relying on external validation makes you needy.
It makes you change yourself just to get people to like you.
If you want to focus on how to stop being needy, center on internal validation and things you can build inside yourself. And it's also a great time to figure out why girls might not like you.
4. You must learn how to stop being needy by analyzing ALL your behaviors and actions with women
The actions you take with women directly reflect if you’re being needy or non-needy (confident).
Nick Notas gives the following examples:
- Overanalyzing if you should or shouldn’t approach a girl you find attractive. Not introducing yourself because she might think you’re creepy or will reject you immediately. Needy
- Approaching a girl you find attractive regardless of how you think the situation may unfold or what the outcome may be. Self-Confident
- Trying to memorize openers, lines, or routines just so you can talk to women. Needy
- Trying to talk to women as yourself, in the moment. Self-Confident
- Pretending to be a friend or study buddy just to spend time with a girl you want to be romantic with. Needy
- Willing to risk losing a girl by treating her like someone you’re interested in and expressing your sexual intentions. Self-Confident
- Hiding or lying about what you believe in or who you are in fear of being judged. Needy
- Being unashamed about your opinions and all parts of your personality. Self-Confident
- Delaying texting a girl back because you think it’ll make you look cool or like more of a “catch”. Needy
- Delaying texting a girl back because it’s not first on your priority list or you have other things to do. Self-Confident
- Texting a girl for weeks or months because she’s responding and you’re afraid asking her out will kill the connection. Needy
- Texting a girl and asking her out because you want to see her. Self-Confident
- Spending excessive money on or buying gifts for a girl you barely know so that she’ll like you. Needy
- Paying for dinner because you genuinely enjoyed her company and liked what she had to offer. Self-Confident
- Not going for a kiss during a date because you’re afraid she’ll reject you. Needy
- Going for a kiss during a date even though she may not be interested. Self-Confident
- Working on your health, lifestyle, or social skills to impress other people. Needy
- Working on improving yourself and building a happy life for yourself. Self-Confident
- Seeing an attractive woman and telling yourself she’s better than you or “out of your league” before you even know her. Needy
- Seeing an attractive women and telling yourself she’s an equal who you want to get to know. Self-Confident
- Chasing or staying with a girl who doesn’t invest in you, doesn’t respect you, or you know isn’t the right person because you’re afraid of being alone. Needy
- Walking away from a girl who doesn’t invest in you, doesn’t respect you, or you know isn’t the right person regardless of being alone after. Self-Confident
5. You must constantly improve and invest in yourself
A man should ALWAYS be improving himself.
He should be reading books, building his body, building his business…
And he should do it for HIM.
Not for anyone else.
Sure, the good body helps with the women as does the money…
But the primary reason he is getting these things is for his own satisfaction and happiness so he can look at his life and say, “Wow”.
It takes a lot of work to improve yourself.
As Casey Neistat says:
“Life is a lot like trying to go the opposite way on a moving sidewalk in an airport:
Walk, and you’ll stay in place.
Stay still, and you’ll get thrown behind.
The only way to move forward, is to hustle.”
So hustle and grind and make your life awesome for YOU.
6. You need to learn how to say “No”, set boundaries, and stand up for yourself
Many guys who are needy suffer from “nice guy syndrome” (NGS).
NGS is a term coined by Dr. Robert Glover, who wrote a book describing it as an anxiety-disorder.
NGs hate feeling nervous, anxious, or stressed, so they do all this weird stuff to get rid of the bad feelings.
Things like lying, being manipulative, going along when they really don’t want to, and so on.
If you want to take some steps on how to stop being needy, look over NGS and prepare to have your world crumble down on you in the best way possible.
The first time I read Dr. Glover’s book, I was so angry just after the first 5 pages because I saw all the messed up shit I was doing to make people like me.
Maybe you identify with this:
Do you have trouble telling a woman, “No”?
Do you let people walk all over you?
You need to learn how to stand up for yourself.
Read the following books:
- When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Dr. Manuel J. Smith
- No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
7. You need to stop supplicating to women just to get sex or keep them happy
They’ll usually cave to what women want to make the women happy or to keep them.
Of course, this has the opposite effect, repulsing the women.
Sure, some might stay with you.
But they’ll know you have no spine and will walk all over you.
You should learn how to live 100% without sex so that it doesn’t have control over you.
Note: It doesn’t mean you give it up or don’t date women EVER.
It means you might do it for a certain amount of time to make sure that it will never be a bargaining tool or something that forces you to do things you don’t want to do.
Monks voluntarily give it up and are perfectly healthy, so you should be able to give it up to just for a bit.
Always follow the guiding principle in David Deida’s Way Of The Superior Man when it comes to decision making and women:
By all means hear what your woman wants and take it into consideration.
But, then make your judgement call of how to proceed based on your own core and internal compass.
Even if she protests, she’ll love that you’re leading and can’t be swayed.
If she says no all the time, she’s not the right woman for you.
Heads up: There’s a difference between saying no based on your principles, and just being a dick.
Don’t say no to try to “be like David Deida” or “alpha”.
Just follow your gut.
8. You need to have supportive and awesome guy friends
Yes, it was mentioned in point #1 to have friends you like in your life.
But it’s so essential that it deserves to be its own point.
Without supportive male friends that can push and challenge you, you’ll lose your masculine edge in life, and begin to get more tied to your women.
It’s FAR harder to find great male friends than it is to find women.
That may sound sexist but think about it:
You’ve probably dated many women who have come and gone and you’ve always found someone else.
But, how many REALLY amazing or super close guy friends can you say that you have?
Guy friends who you can talk about your fears of inadequacy to, who call you on your bullshit excuses, who constantly test and challenge you.
This is NOT easy to find at all and you should cherish your guy friends and help them as well.
By examining these steps, you’ll be able to slowly kill all the neediness inside you.
You can then approach older women out of authenticity and a genuine desire to connect with them, not because you NEED them.