Why don’t girls like nice guys? It’s a question I find being asked often by guys of all types. It’s led to a lot of great discussions and some insight on why others might be in the same situation.
Many guys seem to think being “nice” is considered a minus on their personality. It’s even come up on a number of dates over the years, so I can share more than just my own opinion on the topic.
It's hard enough to find an meet attractive single girls these days so you need to be prepared when you do. We've been having a lot of luck in a few spots that have been great for meeting girls but if you come off as a "nice guy" you're still going to struggle.
Today we’re going to delve into the topic and figure out why girls don’t like nice guys.
Why don’t girls like nice guys? It’s more than just being “nice”
If you’re asking this question because you’re a nice guy and you lose out to other guys -- this article is for you. Unfortunately, it’s time for some tough love, but make no mistake it’s love nonetheless. It's time to figure out why girls may not like you.
You’ve likely been on a couple of dates, especially if you’ve been using our list of the best dating apps. But you’ve found that women aren’t excited to go on multiple dates and you struggle. That leads you to wonder why girls don’t like nice guys.
What you may not realize is that I started out as a “nice guy” myself and used to ask the same question. Then I took a hard look at what I was doing and figured out it’s a misconception I had. Perhaps it’s why I’m so excited to help other guys out with the problem.
Let’s look closer at what being a nice guy really means.
Girls love nice guys -- being “nice” isn’t the problem
You might be running through several anecdotes in your head right now that disagree with this heading. I know because it’s how I used to respond when I’d come across something like this.
The problem isn’t that women don’t like nice guys, it’s that everyone prefers confident men over needy men.
If you’re in the position where you think you’re struggling and awkward with women because you’re “too nice,” you just need to work on your self-confidence.
Let’s talk about the word “nice”
One of the few things the pickup-artist community gets right is their avoidance of all things “beta.” In their vocabulary, this term suggests you’re too soft, weak, shy or awkward to project confidence around women.
When you fall into this trap, you become the guy going to buy her another drink while the confident guy is making real progress.
It’s not because you were too nice to do what he did, it’s because you weren’t confident enough. Chances are, he hasn’t mistreated her in any way so why can’t he be considered nice too?
The answer is, he can. In fact, if he was an asshole, she wouldn’t be interested in him. You should always be nice in all forms of dating, just don’t be “nice” and put yourself in the friendzone.
So, why don’t girls like guys who lack confidence?
So why don’t girls like nice guys? Because those nice guys without any confidence are boring and high maintenance. And they tend to have a hard time getting over their insecurities.
Guys with no self-confidence constantly need reassurance and can rarely make decisions. That wears down a woman quickly regardless of how “nice” you actually are to her.
On the flip side, someone that’s confident in themselves is often positive and assertive, which is nice to be around. The confident person is often the one telling stories, organizing events and taking the lead in everything, making them fun. They’re also the ones who are open to trying new things and seek out new experiences.
Not only is their personality nice to be around but they’re also exciting to be with.
Those who lack confidence, on the other hand, are a lot of work. Filled with negativity and shame, they often need reassurance before every move. That’s just not attractive.
Here’s how you can become one of the real “nice guys”
Now that we’ve boiled down why don’t girls like nice guys with what’s really going on, it’s time to fix it. Let’s take a deep dive into what you can do to be both a nice guy and find yourself in a relationship.
It’s actually much easier than you think.
Understand the difference between being “nice” and lacking confidence
This article is all about why don’t girls like nice guys. To understand the problem, it’s important to really understand the question you’re asking.
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to act like a caveman to be a strong, confident guy. All you have to do is stop second-guessing everything and make a decision. Stop looking for reassurance before you do anything -- put yourself out there every now and then. Make a decision to stop being needy.
Be willing to share an opinion, even though there’s a chance she won’t like it. If you come across a choice on your date, don’t be afraid to make that decision. Preferably, the one you actually want versus what you think she wants you to want.
Simply put . . . Make. A. Decision.
Work on your self-confidence
It should as no surprise this is such a major point.
Before we even talk about your interactions with women, you need to start working on yourself. Just some small steps are all it takes, for now. The rest will come later.
We’ve developed an all-encompassing video dating course that will teach you self-confidence as well as how to find, attract and seduce women. It’ll make such a huge difference to your dating life and it comes with a money-back guarantee, so you’ve got nothing to lose.
If you prefer to read, we’ve also talked before about how to not be insecure.
Once you realize that you are good enough and you don’t have to stop being nice to date women, it’s time for the next step.
Learn to act confident even if you aren’t
Becoming a truly confident person is something that takes years to accomplish. Once you have the fundamentals down though, you can just learn to emulate confidence. At least while you work on developing the real thing to happen all the time.
This made a huge improvement for me in the early days. As I started to act confident with women, they wanted to be around me more. I was already becoming more attractive to them.
The fact that women were attracted to me brought about so much more confidence and so the cycle went.
Don’t seek reassurance
Whatever your opinion on gender roles, there are expectations placed on you in dating. You’re expected to do the bulk of the planning and decision-making. If you won’t then a confident (equally nice) guy certainly will.
What I mean by not seeking reassurance is be willing to take charge. Which one of these do you think make you sound more confident?
“Is it OK if we go to the bar on 1st street, please?”
“Let’s go to that bar on 1st street. I heard their live music is great!”
Both options are polite and nice but one comes off more confident and fun.
If you can build that habit, you’re no longer waiting for her assurance that your choice is correct. You’re just making the decision and knowing that she’s an adult too -- if she doesn’t like it, she’ll tell you.
Notice though, that I’m not suggesting you say, “We’re going to the bar on 1st st. Be ready in 20 minutes.” That isn’t confidence, it’s being an arrogant dick.
See, that wasn’t so painful, was it?
You’ve learned why girls don’t like nice guys because we’ve talked about how that term isn’t actually correct. You’ve read how confidence is really the foundation of any good dating strategy. And you’ve picked up on how to improve your appearance of confidence without being a jerk.