When it comes to dating and interacting with the opposite sex, it’s normal to have some insecurities. A lot of guys are nervous about approaching women. Many are self-conscious about their lack of experience. And some guys face a number of insecurities once they actually get the girl.
In any case, lots of men wonder how to get over insecurities with women. Whether you’re casually dating, in a serious relationship or crushing on someone, it’s easy to overthink the whole ordeal. You might even be insecure about being insecure––a vicious cycle that can inhibit both your dating life and your sex life.
If you tend to second-guess yourself in the dating world, I’ve got your back. Keep reading to discover the top five insecurities men face with women and how to overcome them.
As I mentioned above, most men and women have some insecurities. Some insecurities are toxic to a relationship like being needy. Others are relatively harmless as long as you don’t let them get in the way.
We all just want to be liked, right? And when we’re romantically interested in someone, we want them to like us back. This makes total sense. In fact, it’s human nature.
That being said, this desire to be wanted and accepted can make some guys question themselves. Or in some instances, question the person they’re dating. Uncertainty and questioning are the stuff insecurities are made of. And definitely, a quality that girls don't like.
Do you want to know how to get over insecurities with women? First, you’ve got to pinpoint what yours are. Then you can start working on how to get over them. Here are the top five to look out for.
Thinking the person you’re seeing is too good for you is pretty common. If you’re dating someone who’s further along in their career or a total hottie, you might feel insecure and awkward around older women.
Here’s the thing: We all have our strengths. Some people are super fit, some are intellectuals, some are the life of the party and some are homeowners. Others are universally attractive and highly experienced with thriving social lives.
What I’m trying to say is that everyone brings something different to the table. If a woman is interested in you, there’s a reason. Maybe the last guy she dated was a total jerk, and she’s looking for someone who respects her. Or perhaps she connects with you on an emotional level and wants to see where it goes.
Whatever the case may be, you’ve got to realize that this woman chose you. Yes, some people appear to be the total package. While this can be intimidating, try to view it as a good thing.
If you think the person you’re dating is too good for you, my advice is to thank your lucky stars. And lock it down as soon as possible. It’s not every day you find a great catch who gives you the time of day.
No matter what stage you’re at in a relationship, it can be uncomfortable to see your woman interacting with men. If you’re in a social setting and your boo talks to other guys, you might notice a little jealousy.
This is a pretty standard reaction, and your feelings are valid. Having said that, what you do about it is what matters. You can either brush it off and say nothing or confront your partner. Just remember that confronting her without pre-establishing parameters might backfire.
Establishing boundaries in your relationship is crucial. Some people might be OK with a little flirtation, and for others, it’s a dealbreaker. If chatting with other guys crosses a line, then you should hash it out. If not, it’s probably best to let it be.
For some men, it’s about more than talking. You might be uneasy about your girlfriend hugging other guys when she greets them or laughing at their jokes. These actions are probably nothing to worry about. I’m not here to tell you what your boundaries should be, but she probably sees these interactions as completely platonic.
If you’ve been cheated on in the past, seeing your girlfriend talk to other guys might be triggering. However, if the woman you’re currently seeing has never broken a boundary, it’s unfair to take this out on her.
Also, keep in mind that not all talking equals flirtation. This is a grown woman with a life of her own. More than likely, she must interact with several men on a daily basis––just like how you talk to women. If it’s harmless, try not to sweat it. Accepting this is a major component of emotional maturity and overcoming social awkwardness.
Another thing to be mindful of is a double standard. Do you find yourself getting upset over behaviors you tend to exhibit yourself? If so, I suggest a little self-reflection.
If you’re in a relationship with a total catch, you might be certain she’s going to get sick of you. This is a relatively common insecurity for men.
When things are going great, you assume they can’t last forever. This is a pretty typical emotional defense mechanism––but it’s also a logical fallacy. As humans, we tend to try not to get our hopes up because we know how hard a letdown can be. And this is the mindset of many men who consider themselves "nice guys".
And yet, hoping something good happens doesn’t make it any less likely to happen. Being with an incredible woman and being content in your relationship doesn’t mean it’s bound to end.
Also, if your girlfriend likes to spend some nights with her friends or alone, it doesn’t mean she's sick of you. Independence is critical for healthy relationships. It’s important for both of you to maintain some autonomy. Spending some time apart is a great way to stop being needy.
So, if you don’t text back-and-forth all day at work, it’s totally OK! In fact, this can be a good thing. When you’re not in constant contact, you’ll have something to talk about when you’re together.
Here's an idea: If you’re pinching yourself over how lucky you are to be with such an amazing woman? Try not to think of it as luck. Similar to thinking someone is too good for you, being afraid she’ll get sick of you is in your head. Women don’t usually get involved with men who don’t check off some or all of their boxes. As I said, she’s with you for a reason!
Stalking your current flame’s ex on social media is not a crime. As a matter of fact, most people do this at one point or another. If you have a recent (or not-so-recent) ex, there’s a good chance your girlfriend will scope her out online. That is, if she hasn’t already.
So, while it’s normal to be curious about your partner’s dating history, obsessing over it is another matter. Unless your girlfriend regularly contacts her ex or hangs out with them, there’s no reason to be threatened by him.
It’s possible her ex is in your social circle. In that case, you might have to bump into him somewhat often. This can be annoying, but you’ll be better off if you don’t let it get to you. As I mentioned above, establishing boundaries is the best way to navigate these issues. That way, if any shady behavior comes up, you’ll have grounds to approach the matter.
Of course, no one likes picturing their person with their ex. Also, comparing yourself to them might make you feel vulnerable or insecure in your relationship. But as long as they’re faithful and committed to you, you have nothing to worry about.
Low self-esteem and relationship uncertainties can be crippling. Not only will they hold you back from dating women, but they can also be detrimental to your relationships. When I said that your feelings are valid, I meant it. And yet, there’s a difference between acknowledging your feelings and feeding into your paranoia.
Imposter syndrome is the feeling that you’re not actually the person you present to the world. Many people see themselves as frauds and fear they’ll be found out. This feeling can crop up in your professional life, social life and dating life.
But the thing about impostor syndrome is that in order to convince others that you’re a great person? You have to be a great person. You have to put in the work. So, you’re not really faking anything at all.
Insecurities are normal, but when they get out of hand, they can be pretty unattractive. Next time you tell yourself you’re not good enough, remember that this woman thinks otherwise. You’re just as worthy of a long-term relationship and a hot sex life as the next guy.
I realize that getting over self-doubt is easier said than done. Just because you know how to get over insecurities with women, that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly able to do it. However, when you accept that most of it in your head, the world of dating will open up for you.
One last thing to note is that mild jealousy and insecurities can actually be healthy for a relationship. As long as there’s no betrayal, it can keep you on your toes. As a result, you might try harder to impress your girlfriend, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Relationship ruts are real, and there’s nothing wrong with being on top of your game.