It’s one of the best feelings in the world. You’ve finally found the mature lady of your dreams and you’re building a genuine connection. You’ve found yourselves in a nice flow of Saturday evenings at your favorite diner and a little “Netflix and Chill” back at the house.
But how long is this “newness” meant to last?
These exciting feelings should be savored — Never rushed and not to be dismissed.
When it comes to spending time with your new love interest, frequency matters and can impact the longevity and depth of your connection. It begs the question; how often should you see someone you just started dating?
This is one of those questions that even some of the most useful dating books for guys seem to completely skip over!
How often should you see someone you just started dating?
Obviously, you don’t want to ghost someone you like and you don’t want to suffocate them either. Here’s a little insight on finding that sweet spot that gives you love birds the time and space to grow something real.
Why Timing Matters
The fundamentals of a strong and healthy relationship include trust, vulnerability, respect, and security . . . just to name a few. These take time to build between two people and no amount of instantaneous passion can provide a shortcut. These are themes that are consistent regardless if you met on one of the easiest places to meet single women or just bumping into each other at the mall.
Just because you feel like you’ve known a person forever because the connection happened quickly — you haven’t.
While rushing into love after just a few dates is a common problem, not being quick on your toes can be too. If you’re not making time for someone new it sends the message they’re not likely to become a priority in your life. It won’t leave them feeling particularly special, either.
Pacing yourselves and the bond you’re building requires a combination of intuition, communication, honesty and self-awareness.
Dating With a Purpose
Why you are dating will impact the rate at which you do so.
Are you non-committal looking for fun (perhaps on our favorite hookup apps that actually worked)? Wanting to settle down in the next few years? Open to anything and everything? Being able to answer these things for yourself and offer up to your date will serve how you progress on a dating timeline.
The rate at which you see someone based on your intentions may feel counterintuitive. The more willing you are to commit, the slower you should move. For those who are non-committal, it’s okay to meet a little more frequently, as long as everyone knows what they’ve signed up for.
Also, once women pick up on your lack of desire to commit and they still choose to be intimate with you, it’s unlikely they’ll change their mind and suddenly think you’re the one. Overall, know what you want and stick to it.
And keep in mind that a date involves two people, one of which isn’t you. Be open and clear with your intentions before you ask her out on a potential series of dates. It sets the stage for strong communication and honesty — Both of which will have a profound impact on the pacing and development of your new found connection.
Signs You’re Moving Too Fast
People move fast in their dating lives for all sorts of reasons. None of which are healthy. Relying on sudden infatuation will end your new-found relationship as quickly as it began.
According to Joyce Catlett of PsychAlive, some of the most common reasons people move too fast during the dating process is because they have codependent tendencies, an anxious attachment style, and/or lack boundaries. Overcoming these internalized coping mechanisms are vital if you hope to have success in dating and building happy and healthy relationships.
Here’s what moving too fast when you just start dating looks like:
Idealizing or romanticizing the person or relationship: To paint a picture in your head of who someone is and what they mean to you after just a few dates is unfair to both of you.
If you’re someone who love’s love, try to be present when getting to know a person and avoid daydreaming and fantasizing about your future together. This puts you in all sorts of emotional danger, including missing red flags that might tell you that their not your match.
Don’t commit to someone before you actually know them.
You’re Rebounding: Dating someone after you recently got out of a long-term relationship is tricky. Many people are looking to fill a void they’ve not experienced in quite some time. Dating someone just to have a warm body next you is a HUGE no-no.
Rebounders are notorious for moving too fast.
Over-communicating: You might be thinking, “Wait, what!? I thought relationships were all about communication.” They are. But, when you’ve just started dating someone the constant texting or sending pictures is too much too soon.
Keep an element of surprise and excitement for weekend date night. You’ll have much more to talk about and to look forward to.
Signs You’re Moving Too Slow
Where others need to pump the breaks, some need to take more initiative. According to Scott Stanley, Ph.D., co-founder of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program and author of The Power of Commitment, the one date-per-week rule has faired positively for couples in the early stages of dating.
Have you always had commitment issues you haven’t addressed? Or, have you been accused of being emotionally unavailable? Here are a few ways to address these issues so they don’t carry over into your dating life:
- Know and accept that no one is perfect. It doesn’t mean they’re out to get you.
- Remain as present as possible. Where those who rush in dating idealize their potential partner, you remain underwhelmed.
- Recognize that your inability to commit is your responsibility and it absolutely will not change because you’ve found “the one”. In fact, you’re likely to pass her by if these issues aren’t addressed.
There’s nothing wrong with taking your time, as long as it doesn’t stem from an inability to connect and commit. If you hesitate too much, you’ll be friend-zoned and your lover will be off seeking a man who takes initiative.
Go with the flow but be intentional
Studies can only tell us so much about dating since each individual and combinations of couples are so unique. There comes a point where you simply have to read the vibes. What feels right and does planning your next date together feel natural or forced?
When pacing your dates with your new beau, here are a few ways to gauge whether you’re on the same page.
1) If she says she’s busy once, she probably is. If it’s a common excuse and you’ve gone weeks without seeing each other, it might be time to abort mission.
2) If you’ve in-fact been too busy but are really into her, that ship may not have yet sailed. Redeem yourself–women love a heroic moment. They’re also really into Champagne.
3) Quality is as important as quantity. If you’re following the 1 date per week rule, a 1-hour lunch break spent together does not quantify a date.
4) If the pace of dating isn’t fulfilling for you it’s acceptable to communicate your needs or set personal boundaries. Be receptive to how your SOS responds. If she’s the one, you two won’t have an issue meeting in the middle.
When exploring how often should you see someone you just started dating, sometimes you just have to feel it out!
To no surprise, how often should you see someone you just started dating will be on both of your minds. Here’s an idea . . . ask your someone special what they think! ‘Normal’ constitutes something different for each individual and every couple.
Your older lady isn’t interested in a game of cat and mouse. Let her know when you want to see her and ask her the same. She’ll appreciate your forthright approach and may even find it a turn on. Alternatively, if you think the two of you are moving too fast, it’s okay to pump the breaks. Just communicate you’re still interested but want to slow things down.
If she doesn’t seem to want to see you as much, that’s an opportunity for you to decide if once every two weeks is something you can work with. Better to find out the easy way and just ask. This way you both save time and emotions.
The better you know yourself, the more you, get to know each other, along with good communication, will lead to a naturally developed ebb and flow of dates.
Pace Your Relationship From the Very Beginning
So, how often should you see someone you just started dating? The answer. . .just enough. What that means for you and your SOS will be up for determination. The best part is you can fine-tune your dating patterns at any point.
Seeing each other too often? Communicate that you’re looking forward to building the relationship but you want to savor its origination. Going too slow? Try to address what may be holding you back. Once you’ve decided someones worth your time, commit to making them feel that way.
Pace your relationship in order to make it last. Even if it’s not your happy ending, do your part in making the dating experience as positive as possible.