If you’ve been single for a while now, you might be asking yourself this question. If so, you’re not alone. We get hundreds of emails and comments asking, “why I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Today, we’re going to delve into that and help you figure out where you’re going wrong.
Why you don’t have a girlfriend
Dating is fun and exciting but there are a number of things you need to know if you’re going to be really successful.
Some of the more important elements are what we’ll be focusing on today. We’ll be looking at everything from how you see yourself to the image you project and even where you’re looking.
By the end, you’ll have a list of small changes you can implement that’ll make all the difference.
Learn to love yourself
The old adage, “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to” is incredibly true. Yes, it’s cliche advice but stay with me for a moment.
The reason it’s true is because of the way you act when you can reach this point. People who can appreciate their own strengths and come to accept their weaknesses tend to be very positive. And they know exactly how to get the love they want.
They’re comfortable with themselves and can project more confidence and positivity onto others.
If you’ve ever met someone and found they have this intangible, attractive quality to them, it was likely this. Man or woman, their personality becomes magnetic -- people want to be around them for all the right reasons and it starts with loving yourself.
Learn to project confidence
Following on from the previous point, being able to project your confidence will see an immediate improvement.
Learn to substitute questions for statements and force yourself to make decisions. Push yourself to give a genuine, “Thank you” when complimented rather than playing it down.
If you’re unhappy with how you are, take the time to ask yourself why. Figure out what you can change and start working on it.
If you could lose some weight, work on becoming more active.
You want to improve your style and wardrobe? Do some research or ask a friend for advice and go buy some new clothes.
If you feel like your knowledge is lacking in a certain area, find an online course and start studying.
If you feel like you're too clingy, figure out how often you should see someone you just started dating.
For most of us, the things we don’t like about ourselves can be changed with a bit of effort. We just haven’t taken the time to figure out exactly what it is that we don’t like.
Small changes like this will improve the image of yourself you’re putting forward. For any of this to happen, of course, a degree of self-confidence is needed.
This is exactly why we created a dating course -- to help you build up your confidence to find, approach and attract women. It even provides a unique and proven system for you to work from so you don’t feel like you’re on your own. Go ahead and check it out if confidence is a weak point for you.
“Why I don’t have a girlfriend” -- Broaden your reach
Once you’ve started to make progress on these other points, all you need is practice. The best way to do that is to put yourself out there more.
Whatever you’re doing now, you need to add to it.
If you haven’t already, try the online approach first. We put together a list of the best dating apps and websites. I’d also suggest reading my article about how to talk to girls online. They’re the perfect duo to get you a girlfriend.
Online dating gives you the luxury of time in your responses. You can think your messages through before sending them and make sure you’re giving off the right vibe. As you get better at this, you’ll also become more proficient in person.
If online dating isn’t your thing though, that’s fine. There are loads of places for you to meet women in person.
The more you’re putting yourself out there, the more likely you are to find success. Especially once you’ve taken this advice on board. You’re ready to go!
Be authentic
Another major factor we hear so much about these days is authenticity. It’s important for all kinds of relationships in your life and this extends to dating as well. Especially, if you're just starting a relationship.
It leads into other scary topics like vulnerability which can be intimidating. But I assure you it’s worth the effort. When you can learn to be vulnerable and authentic with people, it has a positive effect on how you communicate.
You’re no longer trying to maintain a complex version of yourself. Instead, you’re putting the real ‘you’ out there for people to see. It’s honest, refreshing and very comforting to be around. Also, it's a great way to make a girl feel special.
The “nice guys finish last” mentality
If you’re stuck in this mindset, I’m sorry but you’re wrong. Absolutely no judgment here though. I used to be there myself but that’s also why I know it’s dead wrong. And that's why so many men end up marrying women they shouldn't.
I talked about the misconception of why women don’t like nice guys recently. If you’re in this mindset right now, I highly recommend taking a look to dig into the specifics.
Ultimately, I look at the important distinction between what many guys view as “nice.” It really just ends up being a lack of confidence.
Unfortunately, it’s not an attractive trait at all. I do also talk about what you can do to fix it though -- all is not lost.
Do you feel entitled?
Nobody wants to hear they’re entitled but try to be objective for a moment. Let’s take a quick look at your approach to see if you’ve got a little entitlement you need to work on.
Do you feel like it’s not fair you don’t have a girlfriend? That your friends got partners with minimal effort and you deserve the same because you’re just as nice as them?
If these do sound like familiar thoughts, it’s OK. It doesn’t make you a bad person, you just need to work on how you look at the situation.
In fact, one of my close friends is a fantastic guy who struggles to get a girlfriend. He’s smart, funny, in good shape; but he’s also entitled. He feels like he deserves a girlfriend and this attitude, ironically, is what scares potential women away.
Rather than just being the great guy he is, he becomes frustrated and negative around women. Always getting angry and asking us, “Why don’t girls talk to me?” To everyone else, it’s obvious but sometimes this can be difficult to see in yourself.
Mostly it’s because he’s just waiting for something to go wrong from the moment he meets her. It’s written all over his face, his tone and body language. Nothing about his image feels welcoming and it’s such a shame.
The result is that the moment something goes anything less than perfectly, he self-destructs and it’s all over. From this point, he just blows them off and says, “See, this is why I don’t have a girlfriend” as though he’s the victim.
If you’ve been in a rut for a while, you might be putting out similar vibes. Try to be objective about it -- the hardest part is realizing that you’re doing it.
It often happens when you’re not looking
I know, more cliche advice but once again, I’m including it because it’s true. That doesn’t mean you should give up on women and just wait to magically end up in a relationship. This isn’t Hollywood and you’re not the center of a Rom-Com.
You shouldn’t be building your life around searching for a relationship. It can feel a bit clingy and desperate and we both know that isn’t you.
Instead, start dating women and let things happen naturally. Don’t gun for marriage from the first date, just enjoy the company of an attractive woman. Even if you don’t get a girlfriend at first, just keep rocking your confident, cool self. Those friends can often turn into serious relationships because of that attitude.
Switching to this mindset not only changes how you act; it also alleviates a lot of the stress you’re putting on yourself.
I can assure you from experience that even something that starts as nothing more than a hookup can become long term. If you turn down every opportunity that doesn’t look like your future wife, you’re only hurting yourself.
When you’re putting all of these elements into practice, you’ll no longer be sitting at home wondering, “why don’t girls talk to me?” No more searching the internet for: “why I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Instead, you’ll start to understand why the best dating sites and apps are such a huge success. Dating is a whole lot of fun and you get to meet a lot of interesting people. You just need to have the fundamentals to back you up.
