Are you sick and tired of bouncing from one failed relationship to the next without ever finding your true love? Are you struggling to find a good person to spend any time with you at all? If so, this is the guide for you. We’ll reveal the five essential steps to getting the love you want.
Finding your perfect love isn’t easy, but these five steps will put you in the best possible position to enjoy your “happily ever after.” So without further ado, let’s get right into it.
Your Guide to Getting the Love You Want
Here are a few steps you can take to find the kind of love you want and keep it!
Step #1: Decide what you want
Have you even taken the time to decide what qualities are really important to you in a partner or decided how often you should see someone you just started dating?
A lot of people jump from relationship to relationship without doing this. Perhaps you’ve made the mistake of listening to the butterflies in your stomach and making relationship decisions based off those.
Maybe you’ve been settling for the first person who shows any signs of attraction to you because you’re scared of being completely alone. This is a terrible strategy for finding a happy long-term relationship. And you might end up with a woman you should never marry.
Sure, you’ll find a partner this way, but what are the chances of you two being happy for the rest of your lives? Minimal.
A better strategy is to ask yourself: “What type of person would actually make a good long-term partner.”
Perhaps write down 4 or 5 non-negotiable attributes that this person should have.
- Should this person want to have kids or not?
- Should they be kind and respectful?
- Do they have to be outgoing and social or does this not matter to you?
- Should they be religious?
- Should they have the same interests as you?
These are just ideas to get your brain in the right space. Whatever is important to you, write these things down!
And once you have this list, you can use it to screen potential partners and see if they’re relationship material. You don’t need to pull the list out of your pocket or interrogate anyone, but do take the time to see if they’re the right person for you.
Both men and women want to date people who have standards. If you don’t have standards, you come across as desperate and that’s so unattractive.
So don’t be afraid to screen the people you are dating.
Also, if you sometimes fall into the trap of being too picky, write down a list of things that don’t matter. Does it really matter if your dream man is shorter than you? Does it matter if he’s bald or ginger or a certain culture? Maybe not…
Does it matter if your dream woman has a bad taste in music? Again, maybe not. By developing a clear idea of who your dream partner is, it becomes easier to find them and avoid time-wasters.
Step #2: Get the love you want by being the person your ideal partner wants to date
This advice really isn’t given enough!
There are so many movies and TV shows spreading this phoney feel-good message that you’re perfect just the way you are. They imply that you don’t need to change to attract your dream partner or be proactive about finding them.
Apparently, you just need to be patient and one day they’ll appear out of nowhere and true love will blossom naturally.
That is absolute nonsense. And in the end, you will just end up wondering why you don't have a girlfriend.
To attract your perfect partner, you have to be the sort of person they would want to date. So if you want your partner to be fit and athletic, think to yourself: “What sort of person would they want to date?”
Most likely, they also think it’s important for their partner to be in shape or at least to be healthy and look after their body.
If you want to date someone who is trendy and artistic, perhaps you’ll also have to keep up with specific fashion trends or have specific hobbies.
Makes sense, right?
And yes it does help if you develop the qualities that most people find attractive. This generally includes:
- you dress well;
- you’re a healthy weight;
- you’re hygienic;
- you have a good sense of humor;
- you have healthy self-esteem;
- you’re a fun and positive person;
- you have a fun social life that other people would want to be part of.
The list goes on.
Perhaps most importantly, if you’re happy with your own life as a single person, this will be so helpful. This stops you from acting in a weird or desperate or clingy way when you communicate with people you’re attracted to.
On the other hand, if you’re already fulfilled with your life when you meet this new person, you give off this fantastic confident energy. Other people can feel that. It’s attractive. They want to be around it! It compels people to want to get to know you better.
So if you’re lonely and miserable at the moment, work on fixing that before you go looking for a partner.
Step #3: Be proactive about meeting people
Ask yourself if you’re looking for your dream partner in the right places. You need to go to the places where your dream partner is most likely to be...
It’s unlikely you’ll find a sophisticated and well-educated partner at an illegal drum-and-bass rave. It’s even less likely that you’ll meet them if you only really leave the house to go to work in the morning.
Your true love isn’t going to appear out of thin air!
You need to be proactive about meeting them. The more social you are, the more likely you’ll be to bump into that one amazing person who changes your life. If you have a taxing job or children to look after or you’re a bit introverted, this might not be easy. Well, here’s the cold hard truth...
Finding love isn’t easy.
So stop focusing on excuses and make the time to meet new people.
If you want to use online dating to try and meet a new partner, see our guide on the most effective online dating websites in 2020.
Step #4: Be vulnerable
Often, when we finally meet someone we really like, we self-sabotage.
Perhaps we were hurt in the past, so we don’t want to open ourselves up to be hurt again. Perhaps we put on a front or play hard-to-get to protect our ego. Maybe we go and date other less suitable people because we’re scared of being rejected by someone we really like.
It sounds stupid, but self-sabotage really is a common thing. Be aware of it.
In order to get the love you want, you have to trust this person with your heart. Sometimes they won’t take care of it. Sometimes they’ll break your trust and trample all over your heart - and that is so painful. But that’s the risk you have to take!
Without doing so, you surrender the possibility of ever being in a loving relationship. So when you decide to love someone, love fully! Love with all your heart! Make them feel special, and pray that they are able to do the same.
Step #5: Have strict boundaries and stick to them
You are not going to fall in love with everyone. That’s OK.
Sometimes you’ll think that someone is your true love, then find that they’re absolutely not. That’s also OK. However, it’s not OK to stay in a relationship that you know isn’t right for you.
Even if you’re scared of being alone or you don’t believe you can find anyone better, do NOT make this horrible mistake.
You only have so many years on this earth. It is no good wasting them in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you happy.
When you do this, you’re not only spending months or years being romantically dissatisfied, you’re also wasting potential opportunities to connect with someone who could have been perfect for you.
You’ve written your list of non-negotiables for a partner. Stick to them.
For sure, you should be open-minded about who you can fall in love with. But you also need to be ruthless when you know that this person isn’t the one. You don’t need to end a relationship over minor arguments or silly things that don’t matter in the long run.
But when you know deep down that it’s not going to work out, you need to be brave enough to end it. Then, you need to be brave enough to get back out there and start looking for someone else!
I’ll say it one more time. Finding true love isn’t easy...
You’re going to get frustrated...
You’re going to get your heart broken...
You’ll probably meet a lot of bad eggs...
But those who are strong enough to keep searching and to make brave decisions along the way, these people are the ones most likely to end up with their happy ending.
Looking for more advice? Check out this guide on what every man should know before he starts a relationship.