It’s a tricky situation when you like a woman, she appears to be into you, and you’re wondering how to start a relationship.
Of course, there are worse situations to be in. But perhaps you’re worried that asking her the wrong way will mess things up. Maybe you’re not sure if she even wants a monogamous relationship . . .
If you ask a woman to be exclusive and she declines, there’s a chance this will create a frosty atmosphere during future dates, making it awkward for both of you.
This guide suggests how to have this conversation in a way that’s most likely to lead to a thriving relationship. Our recommendation might surprise you...
This is the first question you need to ask yourself.
A lot of guys make the mistake of “settling down” with the first half-decent woman who likes them, mostly because they don’t want to go through the struggles of being single. After all, if you’re not good at attracting women, singledom mostly consists of approach anxiety, loneliness and rejection.
Coupling up with some “Plain Jane” might sound better than this. But it only serves to cause problems in the long run.
For starters, a woman can usually sense if you're choosing her due to a lack of options. If she settles for this, she may resent you and herself for not being able to lock down anyone better. She might also start letting herself go or misbehaving within the relationship. It's because she knows full well that she can get away with it because you're afraid to leave her. Ultimately, these “settling” relationships are likely to fail due to infidelity, should someone better begin to show interest in either party.
There are no statistics to back this up, but it wouldn’t be crazy to predict that most relationships in the U.S are born from scarcity and fear of loneliness. And that’s why the divorce rate is so high. Thankfully, healthier relationship habits are driving the divorce rates down.
The alternative approach is to learn how to get good with women in general before even thinking about settling into a relationship. This would allow you to date many types of women and get a better idea of what qualities you would actually want in a partner. You’ll naturally develop higher standards for who you’d consider dating exclusively, making any relationship you enter far more likely to work out.
When you better yourself in this way, you’ll have far more women becoming desperate to be your girlfriend, pretty much eliminating the problem of wondering how to start a relationship.
The “alternative approach” described above is what you need to aim for.
When you’re a high-value man, a lot of women will chase you. There will be competition to lock you down.
The thing is most women like chasing high-value guys. They enjoy the drama of wondering if he’s into them. This creates more excitement when you show interest in her.
It shouldn’t take any techniques to demonstrate your value. Social media has emerged as a useful tool to quickly display your status. But this typically comes across in your demeanor and the way you communicate with women. You’ll naturally exude confidence. You’ll sometimes be unavailable when she wants to meet you. There’s no point tricking a girl into believing you’re high-status if you want to be her boyfriend. After all, she’ll discover the truth eventually.
When women realize they’re dating a high-value guy, they’ll often go to extreme lengths to lock him down. These women will start asking passive-aggressive questions like “what are we?” or demanding for exclusivity.
In this situation, you can simply give in and now you have an awesome girlfriend. Plus, she experiences the satisfaction of having tamed a true champion. You can bet she’ll value the relationship more because she had to work for it.
Chasing a high-value guy is far more exciting for a woman as opposed to some guy who continuously begs to be her boyfriend. This begging indicates that you’re not a high-value guy and you don’t have a ton of options.
If you become that beggar, the best you can expect is the resentful girlfriend described above. The worst you can expect is the woman to be completely turned off and never hear from her again.
That’s why it’s highly recommended to wait for her to ask you for a relationship.
Let’s assume you’ve put in the work to become a high-value guy and found a woman who ticks all your boxes. But she isn’t dropping any hints about wanting to be your girlfriend. In this situation, there are several steps you can take before proposing a relationship yourself.
First off, make sure you’ve created some space for her to chase you. Are you always texting her first? Then, stop this. Start spending time on other pursuits. Maybe date other women. Let her reach out to you. If she doesn’t, perhaps she was never that into you.
Secondly, if she does begin to invest back into you, make an effort to treat her more special. Let her meet your friends and family. Buy her a thoughtful gift. Make the kind of gestures that only boyfriends would usually think about.
This should give her the idea that you’re after something deeper than a casual relationship. She may assume you were too satisfied with the lifestyle of a player. A lot of women won’t hint at wanting something serious if they don’t see signs this is what you’re looking for, as they’re too afraid of having their heart broken.
If you begin to make her feel special having already shown the traits of a badass with plenty of romantic options, the “what are we?” question surely won’t be far away.
If you’ve followed all these steps, but she’s not showing any signs of wanting to be your girlfriend, you can ask her yourself.
The best way to do this is to ask if she’s looking for a relationship in general.
Maybe, in this moment, she will reveal some reservations about being in a couple that you didn’t know about. Perhaps she’s still emotionally scarred from her last relationship. Maybe she plans to leave the city one day. For all you know, she could be polyamorous. These are all objections that you can discuss and potentially overcome to make her your girlfriend. At least you now know what problems you’re working with.
In an ideal world, she’ll understand you’re hinting about starting a relationship and agree to do it. For some women, you might have to spell it out.
If she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend, you should push for a clear reason. If she refuses to give you one, this isn’t a good sign. Desperately trying to change her mind will usually only serve to push her further away.
Honestly, in this situation, it’s often better to start searching for monogamy elsewhere. Maybe she’ll realize what she’s missing and change her mind about you. Perhaps you end up finding someone even better. Either way, you’re better off dating other people than chasing someone who doesn’t want you.
Why do you even want a relationship?
The answer to this question might also reveal why women don’t want to be your girlfriend.
If you want a partner because you’re sick of being lonely and miserable, this will show in your behavior. You’ll supplicate women a little too heavily, and it will put them off.
And so it should.
A healthy relationship shouldn’t exist for one person to fix the other’s problems. It should be two happy people enjoying life together! These are the relationships that last.
That’s why you should learn to love yourself before you love someone else. How are you meant to take care of a woman when you can’t even manage your own problems? First, create a life that’s awesome without a girlfriend in it.
When a man has his life handled and self-esteem in check, he’ll often prefer to play the field rather than be tied down to one woman. Ironically, this is when women tend to want him the most. It could be argued that you’re only ready for a relationship when women start chasing you.
Of course, it’s possible that you have great self-esteem and many romantic options, but you’re keen to start a loving family.
Even in this situation, it’s best to follow the tips above. If you state your desires to lock down a woman too quickly, it can scare them off, even if you’d be the perfect candidate for a long-term relationship.
By first giving them the space to fight for you, it allows you to build a relationship that you’ll both value and treasure for a long time.