If you’ve just gone through a breakup, things can feel pretty rough. Even worse, it’s normal to feel like things will never improve. Good thing for you though, we’re going to teach you how to make your ex miss you. Be careful though, you want to be sure that this is what you really want before you go down this path.
The focus isn’t on manipulating her back into a relationship -- we’re both better than that. Instead, since you miss her and the relationship you had, I’ll be walking you through making sure that’s mutual.
Whether that means you both end up in a relationship or not will depend on exactly how and why it ended.
How to make your ex miss you
Make no mistake, this process takes some inner strength but you’ve got this. If you’re like most people after a breakup, you probably want to message her the moment you wake up. Even if you broke up with her nicely, you might suddenly regret that decision. Now you want to spend as much time with her as possible and for everything to just go back to the way it was.
As you’re about to see, that’s the exact opposite of what you need to be doing right now. All that does is make her feel smothered -- not very attractive. So, let’s take a look at how to make someone miss you.
If you just want to get over the relationship, a little rebound might not be a bad move. We’ve compiled the best hookup sites and apps for you to find a partner quickly and easily.
If that’s not your thing, keep reading on and learn how to make your ex miss you.
Get your head in the right space
Putting yourself in the right headspace is a critical part of figuring how to get your ex to miss you. The way you’re thinking about the situation will show through in all of your actions without you even realizing it.
What you need to do is focus on moving on. Doing this is the best chance you have of making her miss you. If it’s your aim, it’s also your best chance of getting her back.
Focusing on moving on might sound like the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve. The thing is, when you do this successfully, it completely changes how you come across to her.
Rather than appearing weak, needy and groveling; you become the opposite. A strong, confident guy that doesn’t need her to feel whole.
If you’ve read any of our other articles, you’ll see this common theme. Confidence is a massive element in all areas of dating. If you’re struggling with it, we’ve created a video course to teach you how to improve your confidence and get results with women.
Do it for the right reason
As I said in the beginning, this isn’t about manipulating her back into a relationship. You shouldn’t be wanting her to miss you so you can fool her into being with you.
You also shouldn’t be reading about how to make an ex miss you as some kind of revenge tactic. Even though you miss her and that hurts right now, don’t try bringing her down to that same level.
Misery loves company but if you really care about her, this is not the way to show it. Be kind, be caring, just don’t be overbearing and try to force your will.
Give her a chance to miss you
For a lot of people asking “how to make my ex miss me,” the biggest mistake they’re making is this. They want to be around their ex every second and never give her a chance to miss them.
If you’re going to do this successfully, you need to create some space between the two of you. There’s no magic number but usually, around two-to-four weeks is pretty ideal.
During this period, aim for zero contact of any kind. No messages, no phone calls, no social media comments or hand-written letters.
The reason this is so tough is that it’s going to make you miss her even more. Small things will constantly remind you of her and you have no way to talk to her about it. The thing is, she’ll be going through exactly the same thing.
Having this space is kind and healthy but it’s also how to make her miss you.
Use this time to work on yourself
Now that you have this time completely to yourself, make the most of it. There’s no sense in creating this space and using it to mash the refresh button on her social profiles.
Get outside. Do something new. Spend time with friends or hit the gym. Do whatever it is that makes you a better version of herself. I’d even suggest checking out our video dating course too. Even though dating isn’t your goal, it’s all about making you a better version of you.
It also covers a lot of topics around effective communication and understanding how you’re perceived. All of this is perfect for this situation.
It’s not about trying to make yourself her definition of ‘better’. Figure out what will make you feel better about yourself and go do that. Feeling good about yourself is exactly where confidence comes from. As we’ve already covered, confidence is attractive and something you want to exude.
Trying to work through how to make your ex miss you is tough if you don’t even enjoy your own company.
Get out there and enjoy life
Happy people are fun to be around. If you’re using your time apart to work on yourself and generally loving life, it’s going to work in your favor.
Not only is it another signal that you’re not just sitting around obsessing over her, it's another reason to miss you. If she’s the controlling type, it can also be an important wakeup for her. Changing from being in control of the situation to “oh, he actually looks like he’s okay.”
She’ll actively want to join in on these fun things with you and might even feel a bit left out. If nothing else, it gives you a genuine distraction from the negative feelings that come with a breakup.
Pick up a new sport, join some kind of social group or start working on a new skill. Even just spend more time with your friends and organize a party. It doesn’t matter what this looks like for you, just give yourself a bunch of reasons to get out of bed each morning.
Life is too short to be sad and other such cliches.
Remember, you aren’t trying to make her feel bad
After a breakup, some guys can fall into this trap of being spiteful. They miss their ex and want to be back with them but they’re also angry. This is the negative side of how to make someone miss you psychology and you don’t want to do that.
They’re feeling bad and want to inflict those same emotions onto her. This is not just a terrible mindset, it’s also cruel and unnecessary. If you really care about this person, you should never try to make her feel bad!
Creating space between you is a positive and healthy move. Make sure you don’t lose sight of that fact. All you’re trying to do is make her miss you, not make her feel horrible without you.
After all, do you really want to manipulate your way into a relationship?
Stand your ground
As she starts to miss you and see that you aren’t in constant contact, she might reach out to you. Telling you that she misses you or talking about times you’ve shared together.
Common advice is to completely ignore her but I can’t say I agree with that at all. Instead, respond to her, calmly explaining why you’re taking some space. Something like:
“I care about you too but I think we need some time apart to figure out what each of us needs”
This kind of message is confident and assertive which is just what you want to be. More importantly, it acknowledges her message while also setting a healthy boundary.
You’re telling her in no uncertain terms that you don’t want to see her right now. Much better than pleading to see her every other day then asking “how to make my ex miss me.”
Identify why she left and fix it (but only if you want to)
Breakups always happen for a reason. Since she broke up with you, there’s probably some room for you to improve whatever that element was.
A part of improving yourself should also incorporate working on this fact. I will say though, it’s something you should only do if you genuinely want to. Compromise is important in a relationship but you should never change who you are because someone else expects it.
Maybe she left because you weren’t taking care of yourself. It could be that you were just settled into a minimum wage job and had no aspirations. Whatever it was, if you’re happy to, start taking steps to fix this too.
Without making this change, she might start to miss you but hold back from doing anything about it. Constantly reminding herself that she left for a reason and that getting back with you would be pointless.
If you’re addressing that problem in your own time and working on yourself, she doesn’t have that holding her back.
Just keep in mind that if there really is no hope for reconciliation, then it's best for you to focus on how to move on from your ex. There's no point in wanting your ex to miss you if they've already made up their mind about the breakup. And if you can accept that, the sooner you can cope with the breakup.
How to make someone miss you: the psychology
Missing someone is more than just a simple emotion. In fact, the topic is so broad and complex that it could be an entire article in itself.
It’s important to understand exactly what it is that we’re talking about here. Let’s take a quick look at some of the common psychological factors behind it for a better understanding.
For some, a major factor that sees us miss someone is insecurity. Feeling like we’re ‘less than’ when we aren’t in a relationship.
While some people are perfectly happy being single, others just aren’t comfortable with being this way. These insecurities can make a breakup even more difficult to deal with.
It’s only natural, then, that these feelings would push them to miss that person and want to get back to a safe place.
Fear of missing out (FOMO)
FOMO is a major part of modern culture and it’s just as real in dating, too. For the person on the receiving end of a breakup, this feeling is incredibly common.
As it sinks in that the relationship really is over, they begin to notice the future they had imagined with that person will no longer happen. Worse yet, that it might happen, just with somebody else and they’re going to miss out on those happy times.
Worry that you’ll never be happy again
Another very common thought process after a breakup is the feeling of permanence. Like the negative, insecure feelings are going to last forever. Like the relationship that just ended is the only one that can ever make them happy and now it’s gone for good.
Obviously, this isn’t true but the mind can be a very powerful thing. It can take weeks or even months to push through this phase. Until then, that person is going to miss their ex and the relationship like crazy.
Sadness around the things they’ll no longer get to do together
Similar to FOMO, this is more about having to break a lot of habits all at once. Getting used to sleeping alone, waking up alone, cooking for one and getting home to an empty house.
In the days and weeks to come, a whole range of activities will crop up that would previously have been done together. Each time this happens, it’s a cruel reminder of what’s been lost.
Again, this leads to strong feelings of missing that person and wanting to get that relationship back.
How to make contact the right way
Now that we’ve talked about how to make your ex miss you, it’s important you handle this final step correctly.
You’ve had your time apart so it’s okay to be the one to reach out to her. Just be careful that you don’t immediately ruin this progress by confessing your undying love for her.
Don’t even talk about getting back together
You're probably already thinking about how to win her back. But for now, though, keep that under wraps.
A far better approach is to reach out, see how she’s doing and start with some general conversation. Avoid any mention of ‘us’ and just talk to her.
As the conversation goes on, she’ll see just how much you’ve grown while the two of you were apart. Not only is this solidifying the idea that you don’t need her, it also shows that you’re fun to be around.
Expect some resistance
When you first reach out, she might expect that anything you do and say is designed to win her over. That you’re just saying the ‘right things’ to weasel your way back into the same old relationship.
Since you’ve spent the last few weeks working on yourself, these assumptions about you are wrong. Be prepared for her to push back a little or feel standoffish in the beginning.
It’ll quickly become apparent that she had it all wrong. That you really have made positive steps and you’re a happier and more confident person.
Don’t respond to games
Depending on her personality and how she’s feeling, there’s also a chance she could try to make you feel unimportant. Taking hours or days to respond to you or marking messages as ‘read’ then being active on social media.
Small signals that suggest she’s seen your message but you just aren’t high enough on her priority list for now.
This can get very frustrating and you might be tempted to respond in some way. To lash out at her, call her out on it or message again “in case she didn’t see it.”
Instead, just wait it out. If she doesn’t respond for hours, that’s fine. Don’t even acknowledge the slow response, just get back to her whenever you’ve got time.
You’re better than these games. You’re a better and more confident version of yourself and you don’t have time for her childish garbage.
With all of this advice in mind, you should feel so much more comfortable knowing how to make an ex miss you.
Once you have your head in the right place and you’ve started working on yourself, it’s all about strength. Staying strong through all of those times when you want to reach out and tell her how you feel.
If you can keep it together long enough to get through this phase, you’ll thank me later. She’s going to miss you just as much, giving you both the best chance to get your relationship back on track.