In this guide, you’ll learn 5 of the most powerful push-pull attraction techniques to make women obsess over you. This psychological technique is so powerful that it has been criticized by some for being too manipulative. Make sure to use it for good and not evil 😉
To effectively use the push-pull attraction techniques listed below, you first need to understand what you’re trying to achieve and why it’s so powerful.
So, let’s get into that right now.
What Is Push-Pull?
Push-Pull is two actions, which metaphorically pull someone closer to you and push them away. A nice action combined with a nasty one, essentially. A push-pull can be verbal or it can be a physical action.
The push-pull technique is an old and OG concept that arose from the old-school pick-up artist community. The idea of push and pulling simultaneously is to create interest and ambiguity that women find attractive. It can be expressed verbally or non-verbally. You can “push” by demonstrating more attention and interest. You can “pull” by disqualifying yourself as a potential partner.
There are different degrees of push and pulling. You can do it verbally, non verbally, or a combination of both. If you wish to use it effectively, then understanding when you need to push and when you can pull is going to contribute a lot to your success. If you do it right, you can even get women to push on you hard.
How To Perform A Push-Pull Correctly
The push and the pull need to occur in quick succession to have the biggest impact on the other person.
Your push doesn’t need to be too harsh. While a hard push can be really effective on some low self-esteem women, it’s a tightrope you don’t need to walk. Most emotionally healthy women will walk away if you push them too hard - and if you’re rude about it - that’s a great way to get a drink thrown in your face.
One final tip: don’t ever dwell on a push-pull.
If you stare waiting for her to react, she’ll sense that you’re just saying things to get a reaction from her. That’s a turn-off. It’s better to do what you’re going to do, then change the topic like it was no big deal.
Why Does Push-Pull Work?
A woman makes romantic decisions based on emotions, not logic. If you can make her feel strong emotions, you’ll capture her attention. In most cases, you’ll be more interesting to her than the serious guy who could give her the world.
The thing is: if you’re just supplying positive emotions, she tends to find this boring and predictable. In this scenario, she knows you can have you. There’s no excitement. There’s no doubt. To her, that’s the dullest love story of all time
It gets even worse when you consider this is how most guys try to flirt with women. So, actually, it’s like the dullest love story of all time that she’s seen hundreds of times already...
In most cases, a woman prefers the emotional rollercoaster of not knowing whether she can have a specific man. This is fun and different for her. It makes her want to stay inside the love story that’s brewing because she doesn’t know how it ends.
When she chases your rapport, it makes the catch more satisfying for her. Also, the fact that it’s not easy to win you over communicates that you’re a high-value guy. No one values what comes too easily, after all.
Yes, it’s highly illogical for her to go for the man that pushes her away. But what did I already tell you? Women make romantic decisions based on emotions, not logic.
Not a lot of women will admit they do this. But here at Modern LoveSystems, we give advice based on women’s actions not their words.
The Push-Pull Method: Understanding Where You Stand in Her Eyes
The 'power scale' is a means of understanding where you exactly stand in any interaction with a woman. Is she interested and should continue to push and pull? Or are you pushing too hard and you need some investment from her end (and you need to pull). Or is she already interested and you can pull to generate even more investment to get her to chase?
- If you haven’t gotten her attention or her interest, then you can try to ‘manufacture it’ by pushing and/ or pulling.
- If she’s pulling, you can push by ‘giving up some of the power in the relationship’, by outrightly demonstrating affection or interest.
- If you’re overreaching to a girl, she’s feeling suffocated, you can ‘pull’ to balance the dynamic of the relationship.
- You can also pull when she’s pushing to attempt to generate more investment when she’s pushing.
Teasing a girl is one of the most effective and easiest manners to demonstrate interest and flirt. In theory, just about any cheeky tease can be considered a push and pull. A tease is negative verbally. However, it’s a positive non verbally. Hence, it’s a ‘push pull’.
Think about it, you only tease your old friends. You tease them ‘negatively’, for example, for their childish or slobbish behavior. However, you also do it as a means of affection. They are alright with it, everybody laughs and it leads to further bonding.
Examples of Push-Pull Lines - Steal my Lines
There are lines you can use in text and/ or in-person:
“You’re so adorably annoying”
“You look interesting” (ambiguity, what the hell is interesting? Is that good or bad? This implies a push pull)
“You were attractive until you said X”
“That’s a great looking dress, I’m not too sure about the shoes though”
“We totally should not be doing this” (done whilst escalating physically on her)
“You’re so hot, but thankfully I’m a moral rock ;)”
“We should totally grab coffee, provided you’re not a psychopath”
"I should totally take your number, provided you're not a secret psychopath that's going to text 27 messages past midnight"
"Aw, you are ridiculously adorable"
Pushes are generally any demonstration of interest and affection. Pulls are generally any demonstration of disinterest or the fact that you are willing to lose the interaction. You get the idea. There are positives and negatives in your actions and statements. You can also combine outright pushes or pulls when the right time calls for it.
5 Of The Best Powerful Push-Pull Attraction Techniques
As we said before, use these techniques to win the attention of the women you like. Don’t use them to be an asshole!
1. Giving and taking attention
This is one of the most basic forms of push-pull, but it’s also one of the most powerful.
In a group setting, communicate with everyone around you apart from her. Provided you’re the most fun and outgoing person in the group - and it’s clear that everyone else likes you - this will make her fight for your validation like crazy.
Once she starts doing that, you can give her a taste of your attention, only to remove it and start focusing on everyone else once again.
When done correctly, this will make her fight your attention even harder. In the most extreme cases, you can expect her to start acting more sexually or gregariously. Whatever it takes to win your attention.
Then, when you eventually move her away from the group (perhaps to grab a drink at the bar with you), she’ll be only too happy to oblige.
2. A conditional invite
Invite a woman somewhere, then add “but only if” followed by a small hoop for her to jump through.
Some examples include:
“I’ll talk you out for wine, but only if you promise to be nice.”
“I’ll introduce you to my friends, but only if you promise not to embarrass me.”
“You can come back to my place, but only if you’re not mean to my dog.”
This condition for the invite can and should be easy for her to agree to. It can even be a bit silly. If you treat it seriously and make her promise to meet that condition, this helps to maintain the illusion that maybe you’re not sold on her yet.
Remember, deep down, women want this illusion to remain in place as long as possible.
Give her a compliment, followed by a reason you can absolutely not hook up.
“I’d totally take you on a date, but I’m washing my hair that weekend.”
Or you can do it the other way around.
“If I was into brunettes, I’d be all over you right now.”
Again, the disqualifier can be as illogical and silly as you want. If you treat it like it’s serious, it creates that doubt about your intentions and will make her fight to change your mind.
4. Back-handed compliments
Now, we’re really getting into dark territory.
This is essentially “negging,” which has got a bad rap from a lot of people.
Some examples of back-handed compliments include:
“Nice dress. A few women here bought that one!”
“You make this cute little face when you laugh. It’s so adorable.”
The key here is to innocently continue the conversation like you didn’t realize it was a back-handed compliment. Better yet, change the subject so she’s less likely to call you out on it.
5. Physically push and pull her
You can playfully push her away - or turn your back - when she says something dorky. Then, pull her back close to you and let her know you were only joking. This works well when you’ve already been up close and personal.
There are ways to push and pull whilst flirting physically. This is what pick-up artists call 'calibration'.
You can show direct interest with direct body language and attention (push) and then disqualify using negative body language (pull) and alter them to different degrees depending on where you are at in the interaction.
You can push-pull by escalating physically but disqualifying verbally. Saying "I should not be doing this" whilst you're making out with her is a push-pull.
Taking her to your place and saying outrightly that you're going to kick her off your bed, is somewhat a push and a pull. You're pushing for sex and simultaneously disqualifying. Groping her intimately and then saying you are "not supposed to be doing it" is a push-pull. In this example, push-pull can be used as a means to set the right frame for sex to 'just happen'.
Using push and pull physically can be as simple as flirting with her physically (increasing the frequency of touches) and then suddenly dropping it (using negative body language), then escalating it and dropping it. Push-pull ultimately can be used as a means to build sexual tension.
6. Stop kissing before she does
Not much of an explanation is needed here. When you pull away from the kiss first, that leaves her wanting more. It also allows her to maintain some doubt about how far you’re willing to go with her. You better ensure that doubt remains in her head at least until after she’s back at your place.
If you’re aggressively making out for hours at the bar, then you invite her back to yours, she knows you want to have sex with her. Even if she wants to have sex too, she may feel like a hussy for accepting that invite.
But what if you share a tiny kiss, then pull away? Then, you invite her back for a drink at yours...
Now, she’s still a bit unsure about what might happen - and for that reason, she can justify going back without feeling slutty.
How to Get Good at Push and Pull Naturally
So, how can you push and pull in the moment without relying on memorizing lines? To get good at pushing and pulling, you need to get good at the art of improvisation.
This means taking an interest in language and appreciating comedy. You can take up stand-up comedy classes, watch comedians on Youtube or take up improv classes. There are improv tools on the internet where they generate random words and you're forced to improvise off that.
I started bettering my conversations by taking joining improv classes and sooner or later push-pull became natural to me. There's also no need to go crazy on this. In the most fundamental manner, teasing a girl is the most basic push-pull. You're saying something negative but your intentions are positive.
However, there are limitations. I used to over-rely on wit and came off sarcastic in my interactions. You cannot rely on words alone. In the art of seduction. You need guts. Yes, you can calibrate. (if you see her feeling uncomfortable with your advances, you reel back with a 'pull'). However, there's no technical replacement for taking a genuine risk in your interaction. You can’t push and pull your way into kissing her. Kissing her is mostly a matter of just pulling the trigger.
Furthermore, just relying on push and pulling is a horrendous manner to build a genuine and deeper connection. You need to have other conversational skills outside of teasing and coming up with witty push-pull lines. Furthermore, you and I are all here to have awesome relationships with women, it’s not about proving who’s more quick-witted.
Understanding the push pull dynamic and how to implement the lines are only about 10% of the entire equation. These days, I only use them as a means as an end, as a means to spark attraction or generate and interest. I always tell my dating coaching clients that I don't really pay attention to memorizing lines consciously because once you get good at improv, teasing and flirting comes naturally to you. However, nonetheless, it's a good model of understanding where you stand in a relationship.
There are many other facets to generating grounded, lasting attraction such as being able to connect on a deeper level to attempting to better your life. You can’t replace and attractive identity with only push and pull lines.