In the last decade or so, a lot of the old-fashioned stigma around women with sexual experience has finally started to fade. Since it’s no longer a point of shame (for most women), it’s much easier to spot the signs she is sexually experienced since there’s no need to hide it.
Personally, I think this is an excellent thing for so many reasons — not least of which being the fact that women are free to express their own sexuality. It’s about time, huh?
Aside from this point, us men get a direct benefit here too. In my experience, sexually experienced women are a lot of fun in the bedroom in general. They tend to be more relaxed, confident and adventurous. So in this article, I’m going to give you some easy, actionable tips to help you figure this out for yourself.
Signs She Is Sexually Inexperienced
First off, let’s look at the obvious signs that she’s inexperienced. Since these signs are typically easy to spot, it can be an easy way to know early on. Of course, being with an inexperienced woman can be a lot of fun in its own right. There’s nothing at all wrong with a woman that lacks experience in the bedroom, this is all about personal preference.
With women who are very inexperienced, we should be a little more careful when it comes to experimenting as well. So, here are three easy signs that she lacks sexual experience.
She’s not comfortable with the topic of sex
If she seems uncomfortable with even talking about sex, this is usually a pretty clear sign that she lacks confidence in the area.
Watch for signs like a change in body language when you talk about anything sexual. She may also be quick to change the topic if it’s making her very uncomfortable. In any case, if she doesn’t seem to be comfortable and contributing to talk about sex, it’s a good idea to ease off and take it slow.
She prefers a slower pace with every step of escalation
Leading on from the previous point, if she needs or wants to take things slowly, this is another common sign she lacks sexual experience.
As always, you want to watch for signs that she’s as into it as you are. For example, if she seems into you but hesitant when you kiss her or put your hand on her waist, she may just need to ease up on the pace.
Particularly if she’s only had one or two sexual partners, escalating all the way through to sex on a first date may not be something she’s into at all — it could even be something she finds intimidating.
She seems reserved and unsure of herself in the bedroom
With sexual experience comes a sense of calm and confidence in the bedroom. If she seems unsure of herself or doesn’t really seem to know what she’s doing, this can be a pretty obvious signal in itself.
It makes sense, right? Think back to the second or third time you ever slept with someone — you were hardly confident in what you were doing and probably relied on the other person to lead if they were more experienced.
It’s no different for women so it’s another simple thing to watch for as you steadily escalate. If she does seem to lack confidence, just take it slow and make it a safe space for the two of you. This will help you both relax, set boundaries and bring about better communication at the same time.
Signs She Is Sexually Experienced
Not seeing any of those signs of inexperience? Here are a few of the easiest signs she is sexually experienced. These signals will start from the first date and are also a great way to figure out if she’s into you. Although they’re not foolproof, if experience is something you’re looking for, you can get an idea early on.
Here are six ways to tell if a girl is experienced in bed.
She’s very forward and flirty
Probably the easiest signal to pick up on, if she’s very flirty with you in general, this is a good indicator of her own confidence.
Being openly flirty with someone takes a degree of confidence in itself since we never really know how the other person is going to react. So, if she’s giving you intimate eye contact, getting physically close and touching you, it’s a pretty obvious indication she’s confident and sexually experienced.
She brings up the topic of sex often
Even talking about sex is something that takes us all a bit of time to get comfortable with. If she’s the one raising the topic, she’s demonstrating that not only is she fine with the topic but she’s thinking about it with you as well.
Not only that, she wants to make sure you’re thinking about it as well. This type of bold move is something that comes with sexual experience.
She leans into every step of escalation along the way
For women who are a little more reserved, they may not be confident enough to do the flirting. That doesn’t inherently mean she’s inexperienced. Instead, she may just need you to lead the escalation.
In these cases, just watch for how she responds when you do escalate. If she is experienced but more of a shy person, you’ll find that she’s still receptive to you pushing things ahead. She may not have the confidence to touch you but actively wants to be touched.
More specifically, what you’re looking for is active confirmation that she’s into each step. For example, you place your hand on her leg. To make it clear she wants that, she might put her hand on yours or look at you and smile — something that clearly says “I’m into this.”
She’s comfortable in the bedroom and knows what she likes
Once it comes to actually having sex, her body language and overall confidence will be the biggest clue. A sexually experienced person is more likely to be enjoying the experience rather than stressing about whether or not they’re “doing it right.”
If she seems sure of herself and is comfortable telling you what she likes, these are traits that only come from experience.
She’s good at it and has fun with you
Now, “good at it” is obviously very broad, so let me clarify. Sex with someone new is all about exploration. Figuring out what they enjoy by trying new things and paying attention to tone and body language.
If she’s doing exactly that, it’s a great sign of experience for two reasons. First, she has enough experience to know how to experiment with you in the first place. Second, she knows how to use that experience to make sure you’re having a good time.
She likes to experiment with new things
Another clear sign she’s sexually experienced is her willingness to try new things. If sex is something new to you, getting the basics right can be a lot in itself. For the most part, you won’t find too much willingness to try new things until someone is comfortable with the basics.
To me, a combination of knowing what she’s doing and being open to new experiences is what makes this so fun!
How to Learn if Your Girlfriend Is More Sexually Experienced
This is a point men rarely seem to talk about for some reason — I blame the fedora-clad “pickup artist” community for this one. They’re too busy being alpha dogs or whatever to see how much we can learn from a girlfriend who’s more sexually experienced.
Think about it. Our confidence and ability in the bedroom is a sum of our prior experience. Being open to learning new things from women is a lot of fun in itself. It also gives us new experiences to build on as well.
If becoming better in the bedroom makes us less of a “man” then that’s a badge I’m willing to wear proudly. More realistically, it highlights what’s wrong with the “pickup artist” mentality and why they’re becoming more of a laughing stock (finally).
That said, if you do feel emasculated by sleeping with a more sexually experienced woman, this is something worth working through. Communicate with her, be open to new things and try to remember that attitude and enthusiasm goes a long way.
Most importantly, learn to listen. Listen to how she responds to you, listen to her feedback, and listen to her when she talks about her preferences, kinks, fantasies and whatnot. Sometimes we get so caught up with figuring out the “right thing” to do that we miss out on our partner’s reactions.
Even if you’re severely lacking in experience in the bedroom, the mere fact that you’re willing to learn already gives you tons of bonus points. Being willing to learn is much more important to women than knowing all the fancy moves you hear about in sex advice columns.
Also keep in mind that not all experienced women even want to sleep with an experienced guy. Everyone is different and it’s really not a huge deal either way.
To level the playing field, you can always suggest trying things that are new to both of you as well. That way you’re both having fun and gaining new experiences without always needing her to lead the way.
As always, dating and sex are meant to be fun, exciting experiences. The only one that can make sure it stays that way is you.
Pay attention to her body language and tone, look out for these signs she is sexually experienced and act accordingly.