John, thanks for sharing!
One thing that would make your message better would be asking the type of question that other guys can’t.
This means you would ask a question about something that's unique to you, that you're interested in learning about something that's unique to HER.
Anyone can ask what kind of movies she likes, but you could start a conversation by asking questions about her profile that help you learn more about her opinions, thoughts, feelings, and choices in life.
Examples of good questions to ask in a first message or text are:
Your profile says family values are really important to you. What were some good values you were raised with?
I don’t see many girls on here who like ___. How’d you get into that?
I like to ___, too. How long have you been practicing/playing/training/etc.?
____ is a really interesting ____ goal. What made you choose that?
When you message a girl with good questions like that, she’ll appreciate that you took the time to read her profile, notice what you share in common, and ask her unique questions about those things.
That’s what starts a conversation, creates that spark of connection, and builds a solid foundation from the beginning.
What's more, when you start a conversation that’s based on things you share in common or that are interesting to both of you, you’ll have a conversation that’s also fun for both of you.
And when you’re engaged in an interesting conversation, the more you’ll learn about each other, the more you’ll find in common – and the more she’ll want to meet you.
Have you checked out my eBook, Get the Green Light: Write First Messages that Get Girls to Reply? That specifically lists 15 kinds of questions that start those deeper-level conversations and it includes 35 text and message examples.