When you’re chatting to a woman online, it can sometimes be tough to tell just how interested she is. At this stage we only have the text to go by, with no idea of what’s happening in her life. A slow reply could be disinterest but it could just as easily be that she’s away on vacation, right?
Even if the conversation seems to be going quite well, how can you tell if a woman likes you? While there’s no guaranteed way of knowing, there are a few things we can do to give us an idea. That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
If you're still struggling to meet women online, and a lot of guys do, it's probably because you're using the wrong sites and apps. Check out the dating apps and sites we've seen guys have the most success using.
How can you tell if a woman likes you?
Let’s jump straight into it. Below are the six best indicators you’ll find to distinguish real interest from arbitrary conversation. If you are still not having a lot of luck creating that initial interest we recommend a few great guides that really helped out a lot of guys we know.
Equal investment in the conversation
We’ve all been there at some point. You feel like you’re having to carry the conversation. No matter what you do or say, she’s giving slow or short responses and talking to her feels like work.
If you’re finding that she’s equally invested in the conversation and doesn’t mind initiating it or changing topic, you’re off to an excellent start. Think about if the roles were reversed. You receive a message from a woman that you’re really interested in but it doesn’t require a reply. How likely are you to just read the message and put your phone down?
Instead, you’re going to acknowledge it and change the topic or something, right? It’s no different for women.
If you’re unsure you can always test the waters in a playful kind of way. Below is a paraphrased interaction I had with a woman a couple of months ago. In this instance, I felt like I had to carry the conversation which I’ll rarely be okay with this early on. Rather than just letting it fizzle, I took this approach:
Me: “Quite the Chatty Cathy huh? If I agree to this first date will I be able to get a word in edgewise?”
Her: “Haha sorry, I’m trying to force myself to study for my exams Monday. I definitely want to do something next week!”
Me: “And here I was thinking you were playing hard to get.”
Her: “lol no, I just didn't want to completely ignore you. I’ll buy the first drink to make it up to you”
If she weren’t interested, this first comment would probably be met with silence. Maybe something conversation-killing like ‘lol’. I find that setting a tone of fun and flirty from the beginning affords some extra leeway like this later on. Whatever the outcome, consider it a good one. Better to know now that she isn’t interested, right?
What does she do with an open-ended message?
Relevant to the point above, does she pick up the slack if you send her an open-ended message? If you’re finding that conversation comes naturally between you it’s another great signal of things to come.
Everything just flows so much easier when you’re not having to make a conscious effort to keep the convo alive. That’s because, just like the previous point, she’s just as interested in talking to you!
It really helps if you are using a popular dating site that has a lot of attractive women. We do a yearly review of the top cougar dating sites and they are worth checking out if you are interested in dating an older woman.
Again, if you’re unsure, there’s always an easy way to figure it out. In your text or online conversation, start to throw in a few more statements rather than questions. If the conversation quickly winds down, it may be time to move on.
Does she offer an alternative?
We’re all adults here, right? Sometimes life gets in the way of things no matter how much we may want to do them. That means, inevitably, you’re going to have dates cancel on you every now and then.
That’s life and it doesn’t need to be over-analyzed. If you want to know how you can tell if a woman likes you, this can be another telltale sign though.
That said, it’s one thing to apologetically cancel and open the door for another time. It’s another entirely to just say “I can’t make it”. If she does have to cancel but follows it up with “how about one night next week?” then things are looking great.
That’s all there is to it. If she just flat-out cancels you can try for another time but even if she agrees, your chances are slim.
Like the first point, think about your own experiences for a moment. When you’re really into someone, how quickly do you want to respond to a message? Two, maybe three seconds? While I never condone playing games with women, an instant reply probably isn’t wise, right?
The reason you want to reply so quickly is simple. You’re excited to hear from them and you’re probably interested to learn more about them. It’s exactly the same for her.
Ever taken a day or two to respond to a woman only to have her reply 30 seconds later? Then you know what I’m talking about. This type of thing is an excellent sign.
Again, don’t go playing games here by ignoring her to test this out. Instead, take note of her response times in general chatter. From my experience, the once-per-day responder is kind of on the fence. Anything less is a no-go and anything more is looking positive.
Naturally you do want to consider her lifestyle as well. If she works a job that keeps her away from her phone (surgeon? pilot?), adjust your expectations accordingly.
This is usually a good idea after a bit of back and forth anyway. Regardless, if the previous points just aren’t conclusive, go ahead and escalate and see how she responds.
If you’ve just been chatting through Tinder, offer your phone number. If you’ve already done that previously, suggest a date time/place and gauge the response.
There’s no better way to see if she’s interested than asking for some mild commitment from her end. It’s important that you aren’t applying pressure at this step, just offer the escalation and see if she takes it.
Don’t let your uncertainty change the way you approach this. You still want to come across as calm and confident so in your head, assume the answer will be yes. Ask like you would any other match and see how she responds.
What not to do
To finish up, I want to cover a few things that you may be tempted to lean towards in the moment. Consciously or otherwise. Having a match go quiet can be frustrating but don’t forget there are so many more potentials out there.
Don’t let yourself get hung up on any one in particular. At least not until you know them better of course.
Don’t get too pushy
Forward and confident is one thing but there’s no need to be pushy. It can make you come across as desperate, which is the last thing you want at this early stage.
For example, if you suggest a date and she says she’ll have to check her work roster, that’s okay. No need to push her for a decision any sooner. Her reply may even be because she hasn’t decided just yet if she’s interested. Even if that is the case, pressuring her isn’t the way to go about it.
Don’t judge her or make her feel bad
This is one of those points I find myself covering in so many articles because it’s important.
Especially if you’ve not even met her yet, you owe each other nothing beyond basic courtesy. If she decides that she isn’t interested in a date or chooses not to reply, that’s okay. Trying to push or manipulate her with guilt is a terrible way to treat anyone but it’s something I see unfortunately often.
While it might make you feel better in the moment, it’s just not your place to try holding her accountable. In much the same way, you can choose to distance yourself from her without repercussion.
Handling this type of thing tactfully even leaves the door open for the future. You never know what she has going on in her own life so she may be back in a week or 2. If she reopens the app to an angry message from you, you can consider that door well and truly closed.
Learning how you can tell if a woman likes you isn’t as just a single thing. But it’s also not that hard to do when you know what to look for.
Getting better at spotting matches who just aren’t that interested is a valuable skill. It frees up so much of your time to be spent on the more promising prospects. Take this advice on board and see how it works for you.