Telling a girl you like her over text may be tempting, especially for the shy guys. Let’s admit it, we’re all braver behind the screen of a mobile phone!
However, you are actually more likely to lower her attraction for you than you are to spike it if you avoid talking about your feelings in person. Don’t forget that texting may lead to misunderstandings and therefore unnecessary heartbreak.
This article will cover several reasons why you should never say “I like you” over text. If this is something you’ve done before, read on and find out why this move could sabotage your dating success.
According to the Pew Research Center, 47% of teens express their attraction for a potential partner by interacting with them on social media. Would the same approach work now that you’re a grown man?
Randi Gunther, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and relationship counselor in California, thinks that the use of texting to communicate emotions could be the reason why many couples struggle to understand each other’s feelings. “The written word alone, especially when expressed in abbreviation, cannot possibly convey the subtle nuances that accompany more fragile intimate messages”, she says.
That said, here are seven reasons why you should never, ever tell a woman you have feelings for her over text:
Attractive women get attention from many guys every day. Needless to say, if all the guys do the same things over and over again, these women will get bored. For this reason, the key to creating attraction with a beautiful lady is differentiating yourself from the crowd.
If she is pretty, rest assured that dozens of guys have already told her that they like her over text, probably in a boring and needy way. Show her that you’re different by being confident enough to tell “I like you” in real life.
One of the perils of online dating is telling a woman you like her too soon when you haven’t met her in real life yet. It might sound like a good idea because it shows the woman that you care and that you’re serious about starting a relationship with her. However, it could do more harm than good.
Until she meets you in real life and then starts to feel infatuated with you, a woman generally doesn’t care about your feelings. Focus on creating attraction first. Then talk to her about your feelings when she’s ready to meet you in person.
Dangle a string in front of a cat and it gets excited at the opportunity to play a game. Give it the string without a challenge and, while the cat may be temporarily satisfied, it will instantly get bored and move on.
The same principle applies to dating. Telling a girl you like her over text simply makes it too easy for her. You remove any sort of challenge she would have to partake in to find out if you truly like her.
She wants to unveil your mysteries—it’s a fun process for her that she will willingly take part in. There’s no need to interrupt her by telling her how you feel right away.
Let her wonder about you and put the pieces together about who you are in real life. Don’t solve the puzzle for her. In other words, dangle that string in front of her, but don’t let her grab on to it just yet. Don’t be afraid to tease her—dating is a game, so have fun with it.
Remember when, in the blockbuster movie “When Harry Met Sally,” Harry runs through the streets of New York to tell Sally he loves her? Or that iconic scene in “Love Actually” where Mark confesses his love for Juliet through giant handwritten notes?
Well, if you say “I like you” to a woman over text, you’ll never get the same effect, not even remotely! You’ll never have the chance to stand out from the crowd, letting her experience a love confession that’s completely different from the ones she got from other guys.
Additionally, over text, you don’t have the chance to lock eyes with her while saying those three important words. Eye contact creates a level of intimacy that you’ll never be able to reproduce over your favorite messaging app. For this reason, telling a woman you have feelings for her over text is like shooting yourself in the foot!
To attract women, you don’t have to be handsome, powerful or rich—but you have to be confident. As the relationship expert Brian M. says, “Confidence is the one irresistible trait you must have if you want to attract women.”
Guess what? Confessing that you like her over text won’t make you look confident at all. Instead, she’ll think that you’re too shy to make the first move in person, which will land you in the friendzone in no time. Definitely not sexy!
The lifestyle coach Jaya Jaya Myra told Bustle that “you'll never be taken seriously if you convey something packed with so much emotion and feeling through an emotionless text message.”
Additionally, Antonio Centeno, founder of the men’s lifestyle website Real Men Real Style, explains that “sending an overly emotional text puts too much pressure on the woman to respond. The response requires emotional thought to be put into it—‘do I like him back, do I agree or disagree’—and it's risky because you don't know what state of mind she's in at the moment.”
According to the expert, even if she responds positively, there will be a lot of pressure on both partners the next time you meet in real life.
What if your secret crush accidentally drops her phone in water right after you sent her that “I like you” text? Or, maybe her phone has no battery or she fell asleep with notification sounds off.
The result is the same: You’ll end up waiting for hours and hours until she views and responds to your oh-so-important text. Needless to say, during those hours you’ll feel miserable and your anxiety will skyrocket.
Lastly, when she finally types her response, there’s plenty of room for misunderstandings. What if she replies with a smiling emoji or brings up a different subject?
It’s now obvious that telling a girl you like her over text is a bad idea. So, what can you do instead when you’re ready to take this big step? Follow our advice below, and you won’t regret saying “I like you” in real life!
Saying “I like you” for the first time to a woman might put a lot of pressure on both partners. For this reason, doing it in a fun and lighthearted way is always the best choice, especially if you haven’t known each other for long.
Leave grandiose, sickeningly sweet love confessions to Hollywood stars, and go for something far more understated. Start with words that aren’t too intimidating: For example, you could say that you like something about her. You can tell her that you like her sense of humor or appreciate how she handles stressful situations.
Additionally, you can browse for humorous love ecards or quotes on the Internet, to get inspiration. Don't use them to tell a girl you like her over text and instead use them in person.
We particularly like this one: “When I see you, I think 'Good job, God!" Also, what about “You’re just like bacon: You make everything better”? Bottom line: Be creative, and your efforts will pay off!
Telling a woman you like her around her friends might embarrass her or pressure her into responding in a certain way. What if she’s attracted to you but her bestie thinks that you’re not the right partner for her? Or maybe she’s not ready for a relationship but her friends pressure her into accepting your romantic advances, so she stops being chronically single?
Either way, you lose. In the first situation, she might act as if she wasn’t interested in you only because of peer pressure. In the latter, you might find yourself dating a person who isn’t truly attracted by you, wasting time and effort.
For this reason, make sure that she’s alone with you when you want to drop the “I like you” bomb. Ask her friends if you can borrow her for a second. Or invite her to follow you out of the club for a breath of fresh air.
Some women just answer with an enthusiastic “I like you too!” when someone decides to confess their feelings. Others need more time to reflect on what you just said. That’s perfectly fine! Some people know if they like a potential partner or not after the first few dates. While others need to think about it for longer.
Don’t pressure her if she doesn’t know what to say after you dropped the bomb. Tell her that she doesn’t need to provide an answer right now. This will take the pressure off her.
Some women are honest when they say that they need more time to find out whether they like you back or not. Others just don’t have the balls to tell you that they’re not interested. In any case, you’ll learn the truth during your next encounters. If you feel like she’s trying to avoid you after your confession, it’s best to move on and find another date.
The more you wait to tell a woman you like her, the more you’ll overthink it. It’s always best to confess your feelings as soon as possible before they develop into something more serious. This way, if she rejects you it won’t be a big deal, and if she has the same feelings, you can start dating her immediately!
Keeping your crush a secret is never a good idea. It causes you to miss out on hundreds of other women that could be a great match for you. Secretly admiring a lady without having the courage to confess that you like her isn’t romantic but cowardly!
That’s all you need to know about how telling a girl you like her over text is a bad idea and the right way to confess your feelings in real life. Now, go get the girl—good luck!