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2 Message Mistakes That Make Girls Cringe

Woman reading a cringe message

All the marks of a worthy man:
- Crafting a great first message
- Writing an awesome online dating profile
- Knowing what not to say in a profile…

It all means shit if he has bad grammar. 

At best, bad grammar and spelling mistakes are really distracting.  When mistakes keep jumping off the page, it makes it harder for girls to focus on what a guy is saying.  Kinda like this:

This is exactly how I feel when I see the wrong “your/you’re” written repeatedly in a guy’s profile or message.

To girls, first impressions are everything in online dating. 

Bad grammar or multiple spelling mistakes make a guy seem careless, lazy, and stupid.  It’s a huge turnoff.

When a guy can’t be bothered to spell or write correctly, the impression we get is that he doesn’t care about doing anything well.

Why you should spell check your profile

Girls aren’t interested in those careless, lazy, stupid guys.  We’d rather look for smart, caring guys. 

If you’re here, I know you’re one of the good ones – even if spelling and grammar aren’t second nature to you.  That’s OK.  You don’t have to know it all.  You just have to know how to fix the most common mistakes.  It’s worth it.

Good grammar is a huge turn on with messaging.

Good grammar is important

There’s a reason this card’s been pinned 26,000+ times, emailed more than 14,000 times, and shared by girls all over Facebook.  We live in a world full of lazy, abbreviated texts and dumb wall posts.

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When you make an effort to write thoughtfully and properly, it’s really fucking hot. 

Start by avoiding the two worst offenders:

1. Choosing the right your/you’re.

This common grammar mistake runs rampant in online dating:

Common grammar mistakes guys make

When I see writing like this, I can’t pay attention to what the guy’s saying – no matter how well-written the rest of his profile or message might be.  I just want to scream, “MOLE!!!  It’s a bloody MOLE!!!”

How to avoid the MOLE! effect:

“You’re” is a contraction of the words “you” and “are.”  The apostrophe (’) takes the place of the “a” from the word “are.”  It combines the two words into one word that’s faster to say.  

  • "You’re hot" is the shorter way to say, “You are hot.”
  • "You’re smart" is the shorter way to say, “You are smart.”

“Your” is possessive.  It shows possession – having or owning something. 

  • “Your hot body...” indicates that you have the hot body.  It’s yours.
  • “Your smart brain...” indicates that the brain belongs to you.  It’s yours.
  • If you’re not sure which your/you’re to use:

Think whether or not the sentence would still make sense if you wrote out “you are.”

“You_ learning this.”
It does make sense to say, “You are learning this.”  So it’s correct to use “you’re.”

“You_ first message.”
It does not make sense to say, “You are first message.”  So the correct word is “your.”

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2. Tricks for better spelling.

Bad spelling is equally distracting.  I just cannot take a guy’s profile or message seriously when it has spelling mistakes.  I automatically start reading it with this voice:

(My favorite part starts at 2:20)

And that’s how I read these:

More messages to avoid

More grammar mistakes to avoid

I mean, good god.  Bad spelling makes a guy look like a third-grader…or the village idiot.

He also looks incredibly lazy, because most misspelled words are marked by red squiggly underlines. 

When a guy ignores multiple highlighted mistakes, girls start to wonder what other lazy habits he has.  Skipping workouts to watch Entourage reruns?  Hot Pockets every night for dinner?  Two-minute sex?!

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How to catch mistakes and get better at spelling:

1.  Slowly re-read what you’ve written.  Pretend you’re reading your profile or message for the first time.  I always do this, because I frequently make mistakes when I’m racing to get words on the page.  Instead of hitting Send right away, you’ll catch spelling errors or typos that would’ve made a bad impression.

2.  Fix any misspelled words underlined in red.  Just right-click the word and select the correct spelling from the spell-check list.  If spell-check can’t figure out what the word is (ahem, “cinnextuon”), go to step 3.

3.  Google it.  My brother, Zach, does this all the time.  Now I do, too.  I write “how do you spell” followed by my best attempt at the word.  Google graciously delivers the correct spelling.  The free app Speller is also really awesome.

4.  Look it up in the dictionary.  This is a good trick if the word isn't underlined as misspelled, but you’re not sure it’s the right meaning – like weather or whether.  There/their/they’re and to/too/two are also common culprits.  Words can be wily.  You just have to make them your bitch.

5.  Ask someone to read what you wrote...like me!  I find that a fresh set of eyes helps catch mistakes I’ve missed.  A second opinion also makes me more confident that I’m getting my point across clearly, without distractions.

6.  SECRET TRICK:  When you start paying attention to spelling, you’ll probably notice you’re naturally getting better at it!  It’s like muscle memory.  Boom slam.

The good news is that your effort matters more than your skill when it comes to spelling.

You can’t magically become a great speller overnight.  So just say you’re a bad speller.  Then, do your best to catch mistakes and improve.

Self-awareness and a good effort can make up for all manner of sins.

Here’s how one guy pokes fun at himself:

Why having a little humor is great

His self-deprecation works.  He shows his sense of humor and his self-awareness.  Both are more important and more attractive qualities than perfect spelling.

Just reading this, you’re already getting hotter, smarter, and more capable in my eyes.

It takes a man to admit a weakness and turn it into a strength.


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