You've been using dating apps and sites for a while. You've done your homework and completed your profile. But despite this, you realize that you're not getting any matches. Or maybe you're getting a bunch of matches, but none of them want to go out with you. Now you're wondering, "Why is online dating so hard for guys?"
Online dating isn’t a scam, even though some sites promise way more than they deliver (and a few great dating sites deliver more than most). It’s a great opportunity for you (and her) if you know how to use it. Most guys who complain about online dating are either clueless or lazy. This can be harsh but it’s the truth. I’m yet to see a guy who takes care of his looks and has a sharp game complain about it.
They know it’s not easy to compete with all the guys out there and that it may take them a few good months or even a year to see the rewards. But they persist long enough till they go through the whole trial and error process and crack the code.
In today’s article, I’ll shed the light on some online dating facts and stats that will help you understand the game better, so you can master it one day.
What is Online Dating Like for a Man?
Online dating can be pure gold or a landmine depending on not only your looks but your skills as well. For some men, it’s a great source of endless fun, and for others, it’s rejection land and the rock where their self-esteem breaks. Some dudes swear by it, while others think it's a huge waste of time.
To help you understand how effective online dating can be, we gathered a few facts and tips that will make you understand better so you can make the best out of it.
Fact #1: It’s 80 percent male out there
If you find yourself asking why online dating is so hard for guys, this is the most likely answer.
A recent Tinder survey says that male to female ratio on the biggest dating app on the planet is 8:2. If you’re bad at math, it’s 4:1, which means that for every one woman there are four dudes wanting to be her partner in crime (regardless of how you define the word “partner”).
This means many things:
The ladies out there are really spoiled
Imagine being the only woman on an island with 5 people and try to think how important you’ll feel – even if you’re mildly average looking and you got nothing but a thick pair of boobs. You’ll ignore/ghost people just cause “you don’t feel it,” you’ll flake on them with no legit reason and you’ll start calling them “boring,” “too nice” and “sleazy” for failing to entertain you.
The sad truth is that women have the luxury of choice. Women are rare and good-looking ones who click with you are even more rare. Add to that the fact that there are 3 other guys competing with you, and you find that the odds are stacked against you.
Women will also have a long list of things a guy must do/have before hooking up with him
This list can be justified for the extremely hot ones (i.e., 18-24 y/o and really beautiful) but not for the rest of them. Think of a woman who has nothing to add to your life other than her mere existence demanding unrealistic expectations. She wants a guy who's at least 6 feet tall, has a six-figure salary and hung like a horse. Anyone who doesn't meet her requirements is an instant swipe left.
Eighty percent of your success will rely on your looks
Why is online dating so hard for guys? Because most guys aren't the hottest in their given area. Let’s say it how it is. Everyone – male, female, or Demi Lovato – wants to be with the hottest partner possible, so don’t expect a way out of this.
The better you look, the more matches you will get. But unless you want your match count to give you more than an ego boost, then you should move to the next point…
But text game DOES MATTER too
Being a minority in a world of horny dudes has its perks, including getting a ton of DMs and date invitations every single day.
And as much as they enjoy the attention, women will tell you that they do hate it when needy guys put them on pedestals and send them boring compliments and angry call-outs.
To stand out, you need to learn how to stimulate a woman’s emotions through text and on dates. Your hot body may get you a date with her, but you won’t go anywhere past that – especially with the hot, confident ones – unless you got game.
The more the options the higher the flakes
Expect flakiness to be a woman’s default behavior, not because she hates you (well, maybe), but because she doesn’t have time for you (and your fellow Tinder users). No woman, no matter how available, will have the time to text and date all the guys on her Tinder/Instagram queue. It’s impossible, even for Doctor Strange and Barry Allen.
Fact #2: Online dating is the second biggest pipeline for those looking for serious relationships
You can laugh as loud as you want but that won’t deny the fact that millions of today’s relationships started online. The percentage varies from one study to another, but recent surveys show that at least 20% of committed relationships started online.
Another survey by Tinder shows that the app is responsible for 13% of marriages in America, whereas a third one shows nothing but friends’ introductions connects more couples in America than online dating.
If you can’t imagine how huge this is, keep in mind that the average number of swipes on Tinder is 1 billion a day (Billion with a B). This number doubled during the pandemic to reach an all-time high of 3 billion swipes in March 2020.
Fact #3: Women spend more time on dating apps than men
This actually makes sense because of the amount of validation they get from it. According to recent surveys, 45 percent of college students say they use Tinder as a confidence booster. I don’t have all the details but I can bet that the majority of them are women.
Women are more likely to invest in taking great photos and creating an amazing profile. Then they get a ton of messages and matches, most of whom they entertain to some extent. But after they've had their fun, they won't always agree to a date.
For one, women tend to be warier of meeting up with random strangers from an app. And they have every right to be wary. Second, women tend to want to chat for weeks or even months before considering meeting up with someone. They want to get to know a guy before agreeing to meet up, especially if she's looking for a long-term relationship.
Fact #4: Every country has a favorite dating app
I don’t mean by this that there are 195 dating apps for 195 countries, but bar from Tinder, some apps are more famous than the rest depending on the country.
Bumble comes second in America, Canada, and the Middle East (it’s a great app for long-term relationships by the way). But when it comes to the rest of the world, it’s Badoo in Eastern Europe, Lovoo in German-speaking countries (Austria, Switzerland, and Germany), Happn in South America, Momo in China and OkCupid in Thailand.
This means you have to either double down on Tinder as your main source of dates or ensure you’re present on every possible app to maximize your results. This will depend largely on your looks, time, and your ability to express yourself on several dating profiles.
Why is Online Dating so Hard for Guys?
So the takeaway from the previous section might be this: Unless you're hot and you happen to match with a woman who's not a flake, you'll never get a date from a dating app.
But (and it's a big but) there are ways to maximize your odds. Not every woman wants the sterotypical underwear model making 6 figures. Some women are actually realistic with what they want out of an online dating match.
So here's how you can turn your online dating dry spell into a waterfall of dates:
1. Text them at the right times
The best time to ask your mom for a sandwich is when she’s already in the kitchen. The same with dating apps. The best time to text a girl is when she’s already using the app, and according to surveys (and common sense), dating apps are often busy around 9 pm every day.
Sundays and Mondays are also the busiest days. Women are often tired on those days either after a busy weekend or a boring workday. So they go on an app to unwind and maybe get an ego boost. Chances are she won’t say no to you if you prove yourself to be a fun chat buddy.
2. Using your boosts around those times will do you wonders
The two best times to use a boost are right after you sign up (tells the app that you’re willing to spend money to get better matches), and after 9 pm. I know many people who don’t have Tinder Plus or Tinder Gold, and still get a ton of matches every week via one or two well-timed boosts.
3. Smile and share your Spotify account
And Instagram if yours is really good.
According to surveys, women are more likely to match with you if you smile in your photos. You must make women feel safe to go out with you. No matter how hot you are, you’re still a stranger to women, and very few of them will want to go on a date with a frowning stranger.
Another way to increase your odds of getting match is by sharing your Spotify account. People connect easier with people whose music tastes match theirs. Even if you don't have amazing photos and your bio isn't exactly witty, knowing that you like the same music may make women more likely to swipe right on you.
4. But don’t share your sign
Zodiacs are fun, until a Capricorn hottie finds out you’re an Aries and swipe left on you. Don’t reveal your sign in a dating profile. People are superstitious (especially women), and may swipe left on you just because your signs don’t match (remember: you’re still a stranger to her), so why complicate your life?
5. Don’t ask for favors on a low
When it comes to dealing with women, never ask her for anything before you stimulate her emotions.
Elevate her mood before asking her out or she will say no. Women are emotional (to a nerve-wracking degree) who weigh things by the way they feel about them, and it annoys me to see guys asking a girl out after being put on read by her for two days. That’s the fastest way to getting a dead-end “no.”
6. Don't take things personally
When you find yourself constantly asking, "Why is online dating so hard for guys?" as you swipe right on the 100th woman in your feed, consider your perspective. There's a huge chance you're frustrated with online dating because you take each left swipe, unmatch, block, or unread message personally.
Some women may ghost you, flake on you, set up dates with you and never show up, or snap at you and call you sexiest. Do not take these things personally (at least the majority of them). You are dealing with women who a) don't know anything about you except some basic info b) don't owe you anything.
Focus on your wins, don't lose your cool, and treat those incidents as casualties. Women have different tastes and you're exposing yourself to thousands of them, so don't feel bad if some of them don't like your dish.
Eventually - assuming that you play your cards right - there will be other women who will appreciate your presence in their life. It just takes some persistence, practice, and a huge amount of work on your looks and skills with the ladies. But, trust me, you'll reach a point where all that work you put in upfront has paid off. It's just about time.