Everything Men Need to Know About Having Discreet Sex in 2021

A couple trying to have discreet sex on the floor

Sex is fun, but you don’t want to let everyone know about it. That’s where having discreet sex comes in!

Having low-key, hassle-free sex is optimal to avoid a number of complications that should be avoided in a one-to-one encounter (or more if you’re into group sex). That being said, there are a number of things you can do to make the overall experience better and lower the risk of getting caught having sex.

In this article, we’ll take a look what a discreet encounter means, how to have sex so no one can hear you, and how to ultimately keep your sex life low-kay.

What Does “Discreet Encounter” Mean?

A discreet encounter describes a sexual encounter with the intent of keeping the knowledge of an intimate moment to others to a minimum.

There are a number of reasons why people engage in discreet sexual encounters, including:

  • Preserving their public and private reputation,
  • Avoiding inconveniences that can occur when other people are aware of a sex act occurring,
  • Discomfort with public knowledge displays of affection,
  • They’re cheating on another partner and want to avoid information getting out about it,
  • They live in a household with other occupants and don’t want to disturb others,
  • And so forth.

Sex that’s not discreet can be part of the thrill for exhibitionists, but most women want to feel comfortable when getting intimate. So, as a man, it is part of your responsibility when leading an active sex life to account for anything that may expose what you’re doing.

How To Have Discreet Sex Where No One Can Hear You

Now that we have the basic definition and purpose out of the way, let’s look at how to have discreet sex. The following specific tips will help you understand how to keep things discreet from others’ perceptions, especially when it comes to sound.

Choose the evening

The easiest way to have sex with no one knowing is to wait until the sun goes down and people go to sleep. People are more likely to be asleep and unable to hear your romantic rendezvous. Under the cover of night, there will also be less watchful eyes unless you keep the lights on (effectively letting others know you are awake and active at night).

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Soundproofing

If you have the ability to create a deadened space against sound, it can be a great way to make sex more discreet. Sound travels and amplifies in hollow spaces, so placing deadening material to reduce the reverberance of a place where you have sex frequently is a smart move. As a quick fix, hanging a thick carpet or other deadening material on the walls and floors greatly minimizes amplified sounds.

Also, use this general rule: If you can hear them, they can hear you. Act accordingly.

Avoid the vibrations

Sex involves lots of motion, so sound and the sensation of movement will travel through objects in a typically rhythmic fashion (i.e. when he or she is thrusting). For older individuals, such as parents and those who are experienced in sex, this is a clear sign that you’re engaging in sex. Even if you use a loud stereo to cover up your lovemaking, people can still perceive its characteristic thumping through the masking sound.

How do you fix the vibrations? Choose to have sex on solid materials or ground flooring, such as concrete basements or on the ground floor of a space. You can also choose to have sex on surfaces that don’t have occupants below or adjacent to you. Of course, using a very soft bed, pillows, and lots of thick blankets can deaden how sound travels.

Minding children

Kids are curious and it’s not uncommon for them to barge in unannounced whenever they feel like it.

For your own children, it can kill the mood or cause some unwanted trauma for children. For other children, such as neighbors’ kids, you might face serious embarrassment. Worse, while it may not be intentional, answering to police that are issuing a noise complaint or an indecent exposure report can really put a damper on your lovemaking - and even lead to criminal charges.

As a general rule, you’ll want to take as many precautions as outlined through this article to avoid exposing your sex life to children.

Option: Use a Babysitter

If you have your own children and need to go elsewhere for a discreet sex romp, hiring a babysitter to watch after your children while you’re away is a smart move. This can help make the experience less worry-free, wrangle children away from areas of the home that might stumble upon you, and ultimately focus on enjoying the moment.

Quickies are better than no sex at all

While it may not be the most satisfying experience, some a few minutes of fun is better than no fun at all. Use time to your advantage and squeeze in some quick lovemaking when people are out of the house or any other opportunity. As a side benefit, you’d be surprised how quickly you can orgasm when the clock is ticking.

Close all the blinds and windows

If you’re going to be discreet, be aware of sound and sight beyond the walls of the place where you are having sex. Sound travels and any line of sight can attract onlookers within earshot. Therefore, make sure all windows are closed and blinds are drawn.

In fact, double-check them...

I had one particular experience where I accidentally left the window open during a hot summer day with the shades pulled down. After rigorous sex that lasted a while, I went to air out the room to cool down, only to discover the window was open the entire time -  right in the middle of dinner time of my neighbors who preferred to dine al fresco. The feeling of shock and discomfort quickly ruined any feelings of relaxation.

And don’t even get me started on an incident when I accidentally left the broadcasting microphone live on the air when I worked in a college radio station that shall remain unnamed…

In short, cover your bases and always double-check.

Pay attention to other people’s patterns

People tend to conduct their lives according to patterns. When they go to sleep, when they’re out at work, when they’re out of the home - all of these activities typically fall into predictable patterns. If you know your roommate will be out of town or when they’re normally at work, then choosing those times will give you the greatest likelihood of having discreet sex.

Planning for these windows of opportunity helps ensure that no one knows what you’re up to on a regular basis. However, always be aware of when people might arrive early.

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Pay for the inconvenience

Sometimes, if you’re trying to be discreet and you live in a shared living situation, you may need to use some cash or quid pro quo to keep the peace. Bribe roommates to go out to a restaurant or find an activity to compensate them to give you a more comfortable situation when having sex.

This method might depend on your level of comfort with roommates and/or family members, but not doing so can cause friction and legitimate complaints among roommates who may not be comfortable with sex in their living space.

You may also do a “tit for tat” (pun intended) with your roommates to clear out when they are having sex, so this can help keep the peace in a shared living situation.

Go outside

Having sex outside is illegal (designated as a misdemeanor in most states), but when you’re faced with limited options, you may choose this as a desperation move at your own risk.

The woods is a familiar spot for a hookup, as are remote areas of beaches and parks. For wooded areas, you can have discreet sex by pitching a tent, but pay attention to park rules. If you notice a heavily-patrolled police presence or lots of foot traffic, seek more remote areas.

Be aware that if law enforcement or another person witnesses you having sex in public, you may be arrested or ticketed. Also, animals are often drawn to the smells of sex, so carry bear spray and other repellents as needed.

Worse, you may attract perverts who may watch you or try to take advantage of your compromised situation. As a general rule, if you can see others when you’re having sex, they can see you.

Rent a hotel

Hotels and motels are notorious for sexual rendezvous. But if you’re looking for a “No Tell Motel” and some privacy, then renting a room is a smart way to keep things low-key.

Renting a room via Airbnb is perfect for having discreet sex -  just make sure there is plenty of seclusion and comply with any rules. Of course, you can’t make too much noise unless you have an isolated dwelling, like a cabin. But if you want the ability to shower afterwards and find some privacy from other individuals, it’s a solid option.

Sex smells

Let’s be blunt: part of learning how to have discreet sex is understanding that engaging in intercourse has a distinct smell that lingers in the air and on your clothing.

When you’re engaged in sex, these smells may be pleasant or unpleasant. However, over time, you and your partner(s) can develop “nose blindness” (known as “olfactory fatigue”), which may make you unaware of the accumulated smells where you had sex and those that linger on your clothing. Anyone who smells the area or your clothing that’s aware of those distinct and characteristic smells will know that you’ve had sex recently.

It’s best to take precautions if there are risks that someone may smell sexual intercourse or if you just want to be courteous:

  • Putting on cologne, perfume, or spray-on deodorant often draws attention but can be used in a pinch to be more discreet to cover up smells. Incense is a better choice.
  • Venting the area with a fan or an open window can help eliminate smells after the deed is done.
  • Using hygiene items with you as needed can help clean up after sex. Semen, vaginal fluids, sweat, blood, saliva, and yes even fecal matter (yuck!) can be cleaned up with wet wipes and sanitary cloths. A little bit of soap and warm water go a long way.
  • Take a shower right after if possible. It’s much more hygienic and just a good habit to get into to prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs).

Go slow

If you’ve ever overheard someone having sex, you’re probably aware of rigorous repetitive motions interspersed by grunts, moans, and shaking furniture. If you’re able to slow down and focus on keeping quiet, you can still have sex - albeit less rough and vigorous.

As an alternative, oral sex or manual sex tend to be much quieter and less disruptive, so those can be good ways to have discrete sex while satisfying one another.

How to Keep Your Sex Life Low-Key

Part of being discreet is not just the precautions you take in the moment, but also how you keep word from getting out to others.

Let’s take a look at some steps to take to maintain your privacy, as well as some practical knowledge to keep in mind when you’re trying to be discreet.

Gentlemen never tell

Loose lips sink ships. And that ship is your ability to have sex.

Avoid the urge to brag, which doesn’t really serve a purpose besides fluffing up your ego. Even if something relatively novel happened, like breaking the bed or she invited her friend over to watch, word can get around and ruin any repeat encounters. Plus, you’ll be known as untrustworthy, which is akin to social death.

Promiscuous women tend to be louder

Got a woman that just can’t keep quiet during sex? If so, you may want to tell her to keep it down - or at least scream into a pillow.

There’s some evolutionary psychology at work with loud women, too. Women who make louder noises in bed often do so to attract other men when they are in estrus (a recurring period of fertility), often doing so to broadcast that they’re fertile and willing to engage in coitus to secure the best genetics they can get. Promiscuous women may have sex with multiple partners during this period - even if society shames women for this instinct.

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Discreetly dispose of condoms

Nothing says you’re having sex more than a full condom left in a bathroom or bedside garbage can.

More people have been “found out” simply by not disposing of the evidence. When you’re using condoms, make sure to dispose of them and their wrappers in a garbage can that’s not easily accessible for other people (or pets!).

And just a word of caution: Don’t flush them. Your plumber will thank you.

Clean your sheets

As stated before, sex is messy. And you will leave telltale stains and traces, which need to be disposed of. After all, hygiene is important, and no one wants to have sex in a slimy and crusty bed/couch/etc.

Avoid taking different dates to the same place

It can be exciting to impress the staff, but part of having discreet sex is to mix up where you’ll be seen in public.

Choose restaurants, bars, and coffee shops that are outside of your town - especially places that aren’t popular.

In fact, a woman will appreciate it if you handle the logistics thoughtfully. Women are situational, so you want to create a novel experience that doesn’t make her say, “So, is this where you take all of your women?”

Jealousy can erupt if you’re sleeping with multiple people and they’re all aware of it - even if you’re just relaxing in a bar after a romp.  This also happens to be a good course of action if she is trying to cheat on her significant other (with or without your prior knowledge) without that person showing up unannounced and creating a scene - or worse.


As you can see, there’s plenty to keep in mind when having sex on the down-low. But knowing all of this is worth the knowledge that no one’s prying into your business, especially when you in a… compromising position.

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