Ever wonder how to make a woman feel comfortable? Putting a woman at ease isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it certainly helps to have some pointers to fall back on if you’re confused.
The truth is that men - especially those with limited experience with the fairer sex - may not understand what sets a woman’s hair stand up or puts her on edge. Of course, even the best of intentions can make women uncomfortable, so you should understand the following statement: Women can and will feel uncomfortable around you, even through no obvious fault of your own. Worse, in the age of #metoo and overreaching feminist movements, men may be too unsure of what’s permissible and what’s now deemed what’s off-limits.
That being said, having a framework of what makes a woman comfortable can help you have better dating success and avoid potential conflict. So what should you do first?
Simple Ways to Make a Woman Feel Comfortable
Here are some general tips on how to make a woman comfortable around you. This works whether you’re with a woman you want to date or an acquaintance you’d like to get to know.
Meet somewhere public
Unless you’ve met in a group setting or have met up together in the past in a private setting (e.g. a study room, your home, her home, etc.), always strive to meet a woman in a public setting. Private settings limit the options a woman has if something should go wrong, whereas public settings offer a woman a means of escape should something go drastically wrong. Until she builds trust in you, always make sure she has the option to leave easily if she chooses to do so.
Good examples of public settings are coffee shops, town squares, public parks (during the day), restaurants, bars, book shops, shopping malls, and so forth.
Compliment the right way
Complimenting things that she's made a choice about shows you’re thoughtful and notice how she presents herself to the world. Accessories and clothes are good starters, especially if she matches or has a unique sense of fashion. Or if her hair looks great, tell her so.
Tattoos are also a good icebreaker but only visible ones in non-sexual areas, like wrists, arms or calves.
Complimenting the wrong way means being too sexually explicit if she hasn’t given you the signs that she feels comfortable. You may feel that, because she’s wearing provocative clothing, you have the green light to get randy. But unless you’ve been intimate and you know for sure that she’s comfortable talking about her body, steer clear.
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Avoid politics and religion
Politics is always dicey territory for discussion. You’re never quite sure where someone stands or what they feel passionately about, so it’s best to steer all conversation away from this territory. After all, if you’re not sure how to make a woman feel comfortable around you, the least you can do is NOT make her feel uncomfortable.
Instead, if a subject is brought up or something political/religious in nature happens around you (e.g. a protest is nearby, a tv blares the news, etc.), change the topic or move away to a different location. Remember, a woman doesn’t have to align with your beliefs entirely to be someone you have in your life, nor should you spend your time trying to persuade them.
Don't ask private questions
Private questions that probe a woman’s private life before she’s ready are a bad idea. Most women understand that their reputation is one of the most important things they have to operate in the world, so she wouldn’t just tell a person she doesn’t fully trust, right?
If you do end up asking a question that strikes a chord, immediately cover yourself by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m sorry if that question is too much. Sometimes I forget what’s appropriate,” and move on to another topic. In many cases, a woman may actually answer the question at a later time to satisfy your curiosity.
To avoid a faux-pas, keep your questions light and fun. When it’s time to be serious, she’ll often reveal what she wants you to know when she’s comfortable.
Last, if she asks you a private question that you feel comfortable answering, then all is fair game to reciprocate the question to her.
Respect her boundaries
Modern women have a number of boundaries that men must respect. Even if you are just trying to be nice and show that you’re a provider, if she doesn’t want you to do something, don’t.
If, for instance, she insists on paying her half of the bill, don’t pay it for her and tell her that she can make it up later. Or if you want to hug her on the first date, first look for signs that she’d welcome the physical contact. If you violate her boundaries when it’s favorable to you for something relatively benign, she may believe that you’d violate those same boundaries in the future for more serious matters (such as trying to initiate sex). Respecting her boundaries = respecting her = making her feel comfortable.
Don’t get angry or mad
Generally speaking, men are much stronger than women. And when men get in an angry or agitated state, it may trigger some women to recognize you as dangerous and run away. Even if you are angry at someone else during the course of a date, she may feel that you’re unstable and have poor control of your emotions - which, in her mind, may be redirected towards her (even if you have absolutely no intention to do so).
Instead, if there’s a potentially upsetting situation (such as a valet damaging your car or a homeless person making a lewd comment), keep calm and steer away from the perceived threat.
Have an endpoint planned ahead of time
Women are more comfortable when the logistics are taken care of ahead of time. Keep all meetings organized according to a set time frame, meeting points, and destinations along the way. While men want to keep things spontaneous, surprising a woman on a date without her being familiar with you can put her on edge.
Let her drive herself
A woman must always have a backup plan in case her date goes bad. And her means of transportation is a primary way for her to extricate herself from a bad situation, as well as give her the option to end a date on her terms.
Because of all of the creeps and desperate men out there, she may also not want to let you pick her up the old-fashioned way (pulling up to her house in your shiny car), as she may not want to let you know where she lives. Or, if the date goes sour, she might be abandoned far from home, putting her in danger.
Last, if you do go to a place where alcohol is served, she may not know how impaired you are, putting her in danger of an accident or aggressive behavior.
How to Make a Woman Comfortable Before You’ve Started Dating
You’re not yet dating, but it’s pretty clear that this is your end goal. You want to make her feel comfortable about the idea of dating you, so here’s what you do:
Build rapport first
Rapport is the sense of trust and familiarity you have with another person. To build rapport, you need to show a personal interest in her versus strangers. Ask her how she is and genuinely mean it. Try to understand her viewpoints, her struggles, and her joys.
However, there is a limit to building rapport before you start dating. If you know too much about a woman prior to meeting her or seem too invested, she may feel that there’s no mystery or that you’re desperate - both very off-putting when it comes to starting a new relationship. Or, if you’ve memorized too many details of her life, she may feel that you’re putting together a mental dossier that may later be used against her (even if you’re not).
Human beings are constantly on the lookout for inconsistent behavior that gives us a gut feeling that something is wrong. Women are more acutely attuned to behavior that doesn’t quite line up, so it’s important to be consistent in what you say before going on a date. If she uncovers a lie or a half-truth, she’ll be more apt to think everything else that you’ve said may also be a lie.
Talk about mutual friends positively
If you have mutual friends in common, it can put a woman at ease if you talk about them in a positive light. Be sure to only mention positive things (“I’m really happy for David after getting his new apartment…”) or general topics (“How long have you know Cindy?”), as badmouthing a friend can make her believe that you’d talk behind her back or spread rumors.
How to Make Your Girlfriend Comfortable with You
Congratulations, now you’re dating. Even if you’ve already been with each other for some time, there are still a few things you can do to ensure that she’s comfortable around you.
Women have a rough life. They run into a variety of problems like sexism and harassment simply because they’re women. So it’s your job as a man to make her more comfortable by showing that you’re a capable man. And besides being able to navigate society successfully by earning money and ascending the social ladder, taming nature shows that, on a primal level, you’re able to be trusted when the going-gets-rough.
One great example is by going on an overnight camping trip, bringing a tent and supplies to enjoy the outdoors. If your relationship is relatively new, you can just take a day hike into the woods and have a picnic at a scenic location. Invariably, there will be some element of danger to overcome - from wild animals, poison ivy, unexpected rain, etc. - if you can make the experience easier, your girlfriend will be more comfortable with you.
Despite what we mentioned in the introduction of this article, once you’re involved with a woman, it’s your job as a man to provide - even if it is a symbolic gesture. As much as women want to be egalitarian, once you’re in a committed relationship, the key to making her comfortable is to share your resources to put her at ease.
If you can afford it, offer to pay each time for dinner and entertainment (she can refuse). Help her with car repairs if you’re handy. Cook up a nice meal if she’s often too busy to cook at home. The list goes on, but any way that you can make her life easier puts women at ease.
However, this is important: Don’t get taken advantage of. If you believe that she is just using you, doesn’t appreciate your efforts, or won’t reciprocate in her own way, you may want to withdraw your help.
There’s a common problem in relationships where a woman doesn’t want answers from a man; instead, she just wants to be listened to. To do this, men should practice active listening to make their girlfriends more comfortable.
Active listening requires you to fully listen to understand, not to answer. Take in everything she is saying and pay attention to her body language (which can give you clues to what she likes or dislikes). For example, you may find she scratches her wrists when she discusses one topic (a good sign), whereas her shoulders scrunch up when she describes a bad situation.
The goal of active listening goes beyond just comprehending fully what she’s saying. The woman will understand that she has your undivided attention, which means that you’re responsive to her needs to make her feel more comfortable.
Use pet names and terms of endearment
Using pet names and terms of endearments is a great way to foster deeper bonds with women and make them more comfortable. Just like Pavlovian conditioning, a pet name can trigger feelings of warmth and comfort.
Women look to men as a source of reliability. Therefore, if you give her your word that you’ll do such-and-such, you’d better do such-and-such. Unreliable men force women to make uncomfortable decisions and put them in unfavorable scenarios. While she may at first enjoy the excitement of dating a bad boy, for example, being left high-and-dry will have her looking for more reliable men to put her at ease.
If you’re spending time apart, it’s always a good idea to check in from time to time to give her reassurance. A simple text message or phone call can allay any fears she may have of you cheating or abandoning her. It relieves her of anxiety and helps a woman feel comfortable when dating you.
Touch her often
If you’re in a committed relationship, women enjoy the comfort of physical affection from time to time. Giving her hugs, kisses, caresses, love taps - all of these subconsciously let her know that you’re by her side and not alone. Best of all, these touches are like extended foreplay if you’re at the stage of being sexually active, so you can keep her in an aroused state.
As you can see, there are plenty of ways to make women comfortable. By following the pointers in this article, you can have better success with women and avoid any uncomfortable situations that may sabotage your love life.
Besides learning how to make a woman feel comfortable, BeyondAges has plenty of great material to learn about social dynamics, dating strategies, the best dating apps, and more. And if you’re ready to take your online dating game to the next level, BeyondAges now offers an online dating mastery course to find the love life you deserve and desire. Learn more today!