If you're wondering how to ask for nudes successfully, you're not alone.
Receiving nudes and naughty texts from women can be exciting and fun. Yet, if you ask the wrong way, it could derail the whole relationship.
It's far from Mission Impossible though.
In fact, a 2014 McAfee survey suggested that 48% of women use their smartphones to send and receive sexual content.
Below, we explore how to ask for nudes in a way that compels women to actually send them.
Here’s what you can do to get those nudes without scaring off the women you’re talking to. These tips will work for just about any circumstances whether you met in line at the grocery store or online on the hookup apps guys actually find success using.
There's a lot at risk when sending nudes. If the pictures are leaked, it could lead to complete humiliation. There could even be professional repercussions. That's why the first step to successfully asking for nudes is to build trust with a woman.
Trust takes time to build. If you've put the time in to get to know this woman, she'll be far more open to sending naughty pictures. However, there are ways to build trust quickly. If you can show vulnerability by sharing personal stories and discussing deep emotional topics, that can help.
In fact, any behavior which shows she's not just “the next girl” is useful. Tell her what you like about her other than her appearance. Share discussions or experiences that you wouldn't share with just anyone. Just make sure not to take this so far that you appear desperate.
If you've already done the dirty, even better. Sex is an intimate experience that can build trust faster than almost anything else, provided you continue to treat her well afterward. The McAfee poll revealed that 77% of sexters send nudes to their significant other, compared to only 16% who send pictures to complete strangers.
The McAfee poll is further proof (as if any more were needed) that a lot of women are open to kinky behavior.
However, the fairer sex is conditioned to hide this side of their personality. If a woman's wild side is revealed to society at large, it can be humiliating. Most women go to extreme lengths to avoid being slut-shamed, even if they are incredible sex fiends behind closed doors.
If you give off the impression you're looking for an innocent princess (or you've yet to build trust with her), she'll enthusiastically deny any requests you make for nudes.
"I'm not that type of girl," she'll say.
In this scenario, you can also forget about asking for threesomes, whips and chains or anything kinky in the bedroom. She'll only offer the good stuff to guys that she knows won't judge her.
The best way to show that you're non-judgmental is to talk about sexual topics as if it's not a big deal.
If you're still getting to know each other, consider initially bringing up these topics using third parties. Perhaps you have a female roommate who's going through a post-breakup Tinder rampage or an old classmate who works part-time as a pole dancer. Provided you speak about these people positively, these types of stories can be a smart way to ease into dirty talk. If she responds eagerly, that's a green light to begin asking if she's done anything similar. Most probably, she'll return these questions to you. Eventually, you can move to the discussion to sending nudes.
Don't fall into the trap of slut-shaming other women or talking down about anyone's sexual preferences. The golden rule when discussing these risque topics is to behave as if it's completely normal. The law of state transference is at play here. If you give off the vibe that certain behavior is shameful or outrageous, you can forget about her doing it with you.
Regardless of trust levels, it's still risky for a woman to send nudes. Most still won't do it unless there's something in it for them too.
The best frame to set is one where she's chasing you. If she believes you're not completely sold on her, she knows she has to do more to get your attention. And a picture is worth a thousand words.
Even in this scenario, it's in your best interest to help her enjoy the experience of sending nudes. Rather than asking for nudes straight out of the traps, build some tension by exchanging flirty texts. Let her know you're thinking about your past experience together, whether that was a kiss or a full-on sex marathon. Tell her you wish you could experience it again. Hopefully, she reciprocates with equally flirty messages. This is more likely if you've already slept together or at least discussed sexual topics in person.
If she does reciprocate, escalate to sexting. You can do this by asking if she has ever sexted before. If she says no, ask if she wants to try. If she shuts you down, it's best to let it go and try again some other time. There's nothing sexy about begging for dirty messages.
It's best to be implicit. Writing "send nudes" is so cringeworthy that it has become meme-worthy. Peach or aubergine emojis are immature and unlikely to turn her on.
The best way to ask for nudes is to drop hints and make her think it was her idea to send them. Here are some ideas to achieve that.
As you're sexting or reminiscing about your last sexual adventure, comment about a specific body part of hers. A text such as "I'd love to see your ass right about now" could trigger her to send a picture, especially if she's already been turned on by the flirty messages. Women are more likely to comply when you ask for pictures of a specific body part. In the McAfee poll, 55% of women said they'd sent pictures of their breasts, while 17% had sent ass pics and just 9% had shared full-body snaps.
You ask her to “send a pic” and/or “what are you wearing?” If she sends a fully-clothed pic, tease her by asking if that's the best she can do. If she doesn't even send a fully-clothed pic, you've got a lot of work to do. It's probably best to drop the idea of nudes for now . . .
You can also tell her you're somewhere where you shouldn't be sexting, but the taboo is turning you on even more. The idea of it being naughty to send a nude will turn a lot of women on too, especially if it's going to make a man miss her even more. Nevertheless, you'll need to make it clear you're somewhere there's no risk of being snooped on. Think “stuck in the office alone” rather than “trapped on a crowded bus.”
Quick tip: You might find more luck communicating through Snapchat or Instagram DMs, as these platforms include the option to make images disappear after they've been viewed.
Some quick bullets for the dummies out there.
The great thing about receiving a dirty picture is it often opens the floodgates. Once she's sent one, there's less of a barrier for her to send you more in the future.
If you haven't had sex with this woman yet, this is a surefire sign that she likes and trusts you enough to do so in the near future (It's probably a good time to arrange that as quickly as possible after she sends the picture).
However, this only applies if she feels good about sending the first nude.
That's why you should always respond with a compliment. This isn't the time for honest critiques.
It's not the time for over-the-top flattery either. If you appear to be fully won over, she has little incentive to hit you up with even saucier nudes in the future. Remember, kinkiness isn't a big deal to you 😉
In fact, with these tips in hand, there's little stopping you from maxing out your inbox with naughty pictures.