Having studied the link between masculinity and dating success for several years, I want to recommend 10 tips for how to be more masculine.
The concept of masculinity may seem subjective, especially in recent times, but there are still ways you can make yourself objectively more masculine.
Here are the 10 best ways you can be more masculine:
- Follow your purpose
- Seek freedom
- Control your emotions
- Increase your willpower
- Unapologetically go for what you want
- Build a strong body
- Pursue feminine women
- Hold your frame
- Boost your testosterone
If you follow these tips, you’ll soon find women falling over themselves to spend more time with you.
I did the whole pick-up artist thing for years. I learned every trick in the book. But it’s these tips that make you more attractive to women than anything else.
What Is Masculinity? How Do You Define It?
Masculinity is a set of behaviors associated with being a man. It can therefore be defined as a social construct.
However, there is certainly a biological element to it too.
After all, testosterone is known as the male hormone. The more of it you have, the more inspired you’ll generally feel to engage in masculine behaviors. As we’ll explore, masculine behaviors tend to lead to increased testosterone production in turn.
Meanwhile, the female hormone estrogen inspires femininity (behavior associated with women). It would appear to discourage masculine behaviors.
Both men and women produce both hormones - and are therefore said to have both masculine and feminine energy within them.
Men tend to have more masculine energy and women usually have more feminine energy, although that’s not always the case.
Studies show that the sexes are becoming more androgynous. Men’s testosterone levels have been dropping at a rate of 1% per year - and if you look at the explanations behind why this is happening - you’ll find evidence of links between masculine behavior and masculine energy.
The drop isn’t good for either sex, not least because feminine women are attracted to masculine men. It’s called sexual polarisation - and it’s as crucial to attraction in humans as it is with magnets or electrical circuits.
For this reason alone, it’s in your best interests to learn how to be more masculine. We’ll explore more reasons as we go…
But, for now, let’s explore 10 ways to become more masculine in 2023.
A Deeper Look At 10 Ways You Can Be More Masculine In 2023
We’ll explore how these 10 steps help you be more masculine in more detail below.
A defining trait of masculine energy is the ability to lead others. Masculine energy inspires people to achieve, grow and conquer. You need to be a strong leader to do this.
Masculine energy is dominant. Feminine energy is submissive. Masculine energy leads. Feminine energy follows.
Studies show that men with higher testosterone levels are more likely to rise to leadership positions in the corporate world, which can lead to more money, power, and opportunities. We can assume that’s because they’re more comfortable leading than submitting.
It can be scary to lead others. It requires affirmative action in moments of uncertainty. Some men are held back by the fear of making a wrong decision. Masculine leaders learn to feel that uncertainty and make a decision with the information they have at the time. This might involve confiding in or even delegating to someone with more knowledge. Perhaps it requires taking a poll and going with the majority verdict. This is still affirmative action - and it always garners more respect than dilly-dallying and waiting for someone else to guide them.
This is as true on a romantic level as it is in the professional world. Feminine women are looking for a man who’s comfortable making decisions and leading them. This helps them feel safe and protected in his presence. They want to know they’re with a man who will take affirmative action if shit hits the fan. If they’re with a submissive dilly-dallier in these moments, there could be big trouble.
When a woman doesn’t trust her man to take charge, she’ll feel the need to do it herself. You see this all the time in family sitcoms with deadbeat dads, such as The Simpsons or Married With Children, and women are perfectly capable of leading when they have to. The problem is: they have to access their masculine energy to do that.
This doesn’t make them feel fulfilled and it destroys sexual polarity. It’s hard for the heroic mum to be turned on by the deadbeat dad. She’d much rather her partner solved their problems, so she can relax into her femininity. Only then can true attraction occur.
That’s why it’s in a man’s best interests to approach a woman, ask her on a date, organize a date, and push the interaction forward romantically. This shows her he’s a capable leader, allows her to relax and ultimately makes her want to sleep with him.
So, don’t be a dilly-dallier. Be a leader in all situations. Make a decision, even if you’re not sure if it’s the right one. This will help others perceive you as a masculine man.
2. Follow your purpose
Feminine energy inspires being and feeling. Masculine energy inspires DOING. Both are important. If you’re not present and embracing your emotions, what’s the point in life? Yet, if you’re not working towards important goals, you’re often perceived as being less of a man.
It’s one of the more obvious double standards in this world. Women and children are automatically valued by society, but men are only valued for what they provide. A beautiful young woman without a job is still desired by the opposite sex. A cute unemployed young man is not. A woman who stays at home with the kids is called a “housewife”. A man who does the same is called a lazy “bum”.
Research suggests this discrimination may be partly linked to a perceived lack of masculinity. We’ve already explored the data linking testosterone with leadership roles. It has also linked high testosterone with greater levels of ambition, competitiveness, energy, and motivation. These are all important ingredients if you want to make something of yourself.
Feminine women are drawn to ambitious men. This isn’t just the wealthy tycoons who have already achieved their success. The so-called ‘starving artists’ out there are nearly always overwhelmed with romantic options too. This is because their passion and enthusiasm are clear for all to see. They’re chasing their purpose with all guns blazing - and that’s an attractive masculine quality.
It’s considered manly to follow your higher purpose. Start on that journey today and your masculine energy will light up with joy. If you’re not sure what your purpose is, get out there and try a bunch of new activities. Keep trying new things until you find that pursuit that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. Is there a way to monetize this skill and make the world a better place while doing it? If so, that’s a great mission to strive towards.
Some men fall into the trap of making their partner their purpose. Or their children. Or the pursuit of these things. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. But it’s not masculine to take this path. In fact, the nurturing of loved ones is one of the defining qualities of femininity. That’s why stay-at-home dads often end up feeling depressed and purposeless.
It’s arguably also why wives who outearn their husbands are 50% more likely to file for divorce. It’s harder to respect purposeless men, let alone be attracted to them. So, it’s in your best interests to get up off your ass and strive toward a meaningful goal.
3. Seek freedom
Most activities that so-called manly men enjoy involve the pursuit of freedom.
Team sports involve breaking through the constraints of your opponent to carry the ball through to freedom. Action movies involve heroes fighting for freedom. For many men, following their purpose would involve the freedom of escaping their boss and making their own schedule. Even the male orgasm involves a build-up of tension before an ecstatic release.
In his iconic book on masculinity, author David Deida labels the release from constraint as “the essential masculine certainty”. Indeed, masculine energy loves to dominate and hates to be constrained. When you’re being controlled, restricted, or bossed around, your masculine side is screaming to be released.
As with many of the entries in this list, seeking freedom involves risk and requires bravery. That’s why some men choose to remain trapped. They’ll decide to stay tied down in a job or a relationship they don’t like. But these inner voices begging them to escape won’t stop until their desire for freedom is satisfied. So, the smart move is to try and fulfill this desire.
There’ll be ups and downs. You may need to develop new skills. But you’ll be respected by men and admired by women. It’s unquestionably the masculine thing to do.
4. Control your emotions
Stoicism is widely regarded as an important pillar of masculinity, although there is no link between testosterone and the ability to control one’s emotions.
Instead, this element is socialized into boys at a young age. Our mothers may have told us that “big boys don’t cry” during a childhood tantrum. We might get called a “big girl’s blouse” by heartless bullies if we get upset in the playground.
Then, as we grow up, we may watch action movies with strong silent heroes like James Bond or any character played by Clint Eastwood.
So, why would society condition men into believing that controlling their emotions is manly?
Well, it could be because those prone to making emotional decisions are awful leaders. It’s much safer to make logical decisions, especially in times of danger or controversy. If someone is too overwhelmed by fear, stress, or despair, they could be rendered incapable of making any decision at all. How good would that person be as a police officer, air traffic controller, or in any high-pressure job? How well would they shield their family from danger?
It could also be because hyper-masculine men who embrace their negative emotions often become aggressive and violent. That’s of no use to society at large and has rightly been labeled as ‘toxic masculinity’.
The thing is: being too stoic has also been labeled as ‘toxic’. This is due to the worrying levels of men who commit suicide, rather than asking for help with their problems.
So, there’s clearly a healthy balance between stoicism and aggression to be found. You want to be aggressive enough that you’re not seen as a flaccid doormat, but not so aggressive that you break the law. You want to be stoic enough that your emotions don’t cloud your decision-making, without bottling up your feelings to the point that they cause more stress in the long run. Try to avoid being ‘toxic’ and maybe killing someone by going too far to either extreme. There’s a pretty big gap between these extremes where you’ll find healthy masculinity.
5. Increase your willpower
Willpower is associated with masculinity for the same reasons that stoicism is.
Indeed, when you lose a battle with your willpower, you’ve essentially let your emotions get the better of you.
Strong leaders need willpower to make the right decision, rather than the easy short-term one. They need it to work hard, study and climb the corporate ladder. They need it to persevere with starting their own business or to complete any meaningful challenge. And that’s why it’s a vital ingredient of masculinity.
The simplest way to increase your willpower is to test it. Much like any other muscle in your body, the part of your brain responsible for willpower grows weaker the more it’s tested in the short term. So, if you left a delicious cupcake in front of you all day, it would be harder not to cave in and ruin your diet as each hour passed by. But, also like a muscle, it grows stronger in the long term when it’s regularly tested.
So, the more you put yourself through difficult tests, the more disciplined you’ll become. And it would appear that all discipline tests strengthen the same part of the brain (the “prefrontal cortex”). So, in theory, taking daily cold showers would make it easier to approach a woman you liked. And approaching many attractive women would make it easier to resist cigarettes etc.
Discipline makes it easier to complete all the steps in this list, so you may as well start your cold shower routine tomorrow morning if you’re serious about becoming more masculine.
6. Unapologetically go for what you want
When you’re an assertive go-getter, you’re also likely to be labeled as a masculine alpha male.
Some people say it’s selfish to steamroll over other people to achieve your goals.
It’s often labeled as unhealthy to engage in hustle culture and work 16-hour days.
But most people would agree that these behaviors are powered by masculine energy.
It could also be argued that these attitudes are the best to adopt if you’re serious about wanting to succeed in life.
Selfishness and a hustle mentality are often needed to fully commit to chasing your major goals in life. You may need to spend less time bonding or taking action to appease others. You may need to stop watching movies, playing video games, or hanging out with friends. That’s certainly what most motivational speakers say about success.
I’m not saying this will make you happy, but if you made these sacrifices and focused all your energy on external goals, you’ll probably begin to feel more masculine. Others will most likely begin to perceive you that way as well.
7. Build a strong body
This is a common tip in guides about how to be more manly. And rightly so.
But it’s not your big muscles that make you masculine. It’s the story they tell.
It requires discipline to build a strong aesthetic body. Months and years of doing the hard work even when you don’t feel like it.
It’s clear you can look after yourself and it’s an honest signal that you can look after a woman too.
Women like to have tall, strong partners because they feel protected in their company. There’s also a great chance that a guy like this can dominate them in the bedroom too. Feminine women usually prefer to be submissive in bed, after all.
You can’t alter your height, but you’re in complete control of how strong you become - and it’s little surprise that masculine men choose to make this a priority.
Once you get jacked, you’re in a better position to protect your loved ones. You’ll win the lust of women and the respect of men. This alone can do so much for your confidence, not only because you’re treated differently, but because you’ll able to handle any danger that may pop up. Often, you’ll find that other guys don’t even try to mess with you for fear of being pummelled.
Of course, you may choose to take a self-defense class on top of lifting heavy weights. This does, even more, to let you walk through any situation without fear.
Any form of long-term resistance or combat training will help you build other masculine qualities we’ve already mentioned too.
Willpower? Bravery? Emotional Control? Check, check, check.
It’s one of the best things you can do for your mind, body, and overall levels of masculinity. Indeed, there are countless scientific studies proving regular exercise sends your testosterone soaring. But heavy lifting is commonly cited as the best training for your testosterone levels.
8. Play the field
You’ll often be perceived as masculine just by approaching a woman and flirting with her confidently.
This shows you’re assertive and brave enough to go after what you want. You’ll also show off your leadership skills by carrying the conversation, making it romantic, and pushing it towards meeting for a date. You can do this both in person or on any of the most popular dating apps.
This can be enough to convince a woman to take a chance on you, especially in this era where few men are bold enough to try and meet women in the real world.
Yes, it’s possible to meet women online these days, but it’s not as easy to show off your masculine traits from behind a phone screen. Instead, you have to rely on having great photos. But this guide is about how to become more masculine as opposed to looking more masculine.
If you develop a regular habit of approaching women in the real world, you’re likely to develop more masculine traits with time.
This is because feminine women reward masculine behaviors. They love it when you’re brave and confident enough to approach them smoothly. They love it when you’re bold enough to lead them through a seduction. They love to hear the stories of your life mission. These masculine behaviors are what land you dates, kisses, and passionate sex. So, you’ll naturally be motivated to keep showing them.
The more women you seduce with masculine behavior, the more it’s reinforced that masculinity is AWESOME, and the less resistance you’ll feel towards showing off this side of you.
If you choose to date multiple women casually for a while, you’ll give yourself more opportunities to burn this message into your psyche.
You’re also more likely to be perceived as masculine during this ‘player’ phase. Remember, the pursuit of freedom is inherently masculine, while the desire to ‘tie down’ a partner into a monogamous relationship is the antithesis of that. That’s why many dating coaches recommend that men wait for their woman to ask for a committed relationship, rather than the other way around.
9. Hold your frame
It’s easy to fool a woman into believing you’re a brave, confident, and masculine man for a few hours. Or maybe even for a few dates.
Women are aware of this - and that’s why they’ll make moves to test if your masculinity is legitimate.
These tests often come in the form of subtle jabs at your confidence. They want to see if your assured masculine presence fades when they make things difficult.
Perhaps she’ll tell you to buy her a drink or make fun of your shirt. She might make accusations like “You’re just trying to have sex with me!”
In all of these examples, she’s looking for a man to hold his frame. The simplest way to do this is to agree with whatever she says, or even double down to the point of absurdity.
“Buy you a drink? Sure thing, stranger. And while I’m at it, I’ll buy you a new car.”
“This is the ugliest shirt of all time, but it makes me seem more attainable.”
“You’re right. I’m the world’s biggest f*ckboy and have no desire for emotional connection.”
Not a fan of sarcastic humor? You can simply laugh off her tests with a “Sure, whatever you say.”
The key is not to emotionally react. If you buckle under the pressure, apologize, or try to justify yourself, her attraction will often plummet. But if you remain sure of yourself, she’ll usually get turned on more than ever.
David Deida talks about this in ‘The Way Of The Superior Man’.
He says: “The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are Shiva, the divine masculine: unperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her.”
The author suggests that a woman will never stop testing her man for this reason. It’s too much of a turn-on to see that he remains this powerful masculine force that she can surrender to.
So, prepare to have your frame tested whenever you’re in the presence of feminine energy. You need to be her emotional rock, unmoved no matter what she throws your way.
10. Boost your testosterone
Masculine behaviors increase testosterone. Increased testosterone tends to lead to more masculine behavior.
So, it’s worth knowing what else you can do to rocket your T levels.
Here is a short list of proven steps you can take outside of those already mentioned.
- Change your diet. Doctors recommend a high-carb diet and avoiding heavily processed or fatty foods. Lean meats, eggs, fruit, and vegetables are also highly recommended.
- Maintain a healthy weight. Obesity has been shown to dramatically lower testosterone production.
- Quit smoking. Studies show that giving up cigarettes usually leads to higher testosterone levels.
- De-stress. Cortisol, the main stress hormone, is a huge testosterone killer. So, it’s worth researching how you best manage your stress.
- Get plenty of sleep. When you’re under-slept, your cortisol levels spike, and testosterone plummets.
These five basic steps can do a lot to increase your testosterone and help you find it easier to be more manly.
If your T levels are unusually low, you might even want to discuss the possibility of testosterone injections (TRT therapy) with your doctor. There are pros and cons to this therapy, but it can certainly put a spring back in your step.
Either way, there are plenty of tips for how to be more manly here. Utilize all of the advice in this guide and you’ll be well on your way to feeling unstoppable.