Too many guys are so focused on getting a girlfriend that they don’t know how to keep a girlfriend. If that’s you, then you’re reading the right article. Let me show you how to keep a girlfriend interested so that you won’t have to worry about being single.
“I don’t know why she dumped me. I did everything for her and gave her everything she wanted,” Barry told me as we sipped our lattes in the hotel lobby.
“That is exactly why she dumped you, Barry,” I said.
It was becoming a pattern I would see over and over again in modern relationships. Man meets woman. They date. They have sex. They get into a relationship. Get a mortgage. Get married. Have kids. And in the process, the man slowly disconnects from everything that made him attractive to her in the first place.
He stops hanging out with his friends, stops pursuing his passions, spends all his time with her and puts all his effort trying to make her happy. With that, the sexual spark in the relationship fizzles out.
If you want to keep your girlfriend attracted to you long-term then you’ve got to keep doing the things you did pre-relationship that made her attracted to you in the first place.
How to Keep a Girlfriend Around
Sigmund Freud spent 30 years studying the feminine soul and confessed that he still couldn’t answer the question “What does a woman want?”
Well, can I have a drum roll...
Because I am going to reveal the simple truth that will keep your girlfriend hovering around you like a love-struck puppy for years to come. And it has nothing to do with how good-looking you are or how much money you earn.
The best-looking guys are getting ditched for men twice their age and millionaires’ wives are leaving them for starving artists.
Because a woman’s attraction for a man is based on how you make her feel.
It’s as simple as that.
If she feels good when she is around you, she is going to want to be around you more and more. And if it feels bad every time she is with you, she is going to fantasize about meeting a man who will make her feel good. God damn, even a man who will make her feel anything at all.
Let’s be honest, living life on autopilot is boring and predictable.
Positive energy will keep your girlfriend interested
Have you ever heard of mirror neurons?
Let me geek out on you for a second.
Mirror neurons are what allow us to directly map an external sensory perception onto our own neural action areas. In other words, whatever it is you feel, she will feel it also. Her mirror neurons will pace your breathing and body language to get a sense of how you feel.
So when you are living your life on autopilot, doing the same old boring chores day in and day out, going to the same places, your life starts to feel like Phil Connors in the movie Groundhog Day. Life starts to feel grey, dull and boring. Your energy is in a low vibe state.
And this is what your girlfriend is feeling when she is around you. It’s a far cry from the man who was once adventurous, exciting and living life on the edge. Life has become mundane. Being around you FEELS mundane. Even though she might love you and think you're a great guy, she can’t help but fantasize about what it would feel like to meet a guy who would give her a sense of excitement and adventure.
She might even start obsessing about a man in a soap opera or some celebrity who gives her a glimpse of what it would be like to escape a boring, monotonous and mundane existence. It’s not you she wants to escape from, it’s the boring and restricted energy she feels when she is around you that she is escaping.
So how can a guy stop that sexual spark from running out in a long-term relationship?
How to Keep Your Girlfriend Interested After Dating for a Long Time
The one thing that is guaranteed to doom your relationship success is spending every hour of every day with your girlfriend and having no life of your own. Here are some hard-hitting lyrics from singer P!nk about what happens when you spend all your time with her:
“I don’t wanna wake up with another
But I don’t wanna always wake up with you either
No you can’t hop in my shower
All I ask is for one f**king hour
You taste so sweet
But I can’t eat the same thing every day
Cutting off the phone
Leave me the f**k alone
Tomorrow I’ll be beggin’ you to come home
Leave me alone, I’m lonely
Alone, I’m lonely.”
How to keep a girlfriend by giving her space
Paradoxically, if you want to keep that spark in your relationship the best thing you can do is create some SPACE between you and her. It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. As human beings, we are not designed to get all of our needs met by one other human being. We are communal creatures and we need a variety of people in our lives to fulfill our needs.
The reason relationships are harder than ever is because modern relationships place far too much pressure on your partner to meet all of your needs. It can ruin even the best of relationships.
The more time you spend with her, the more she’ll want space. Whereas, the more time you spend apart, will cause her to seek togetherness.
As a man, you can’t rely on a woman to complete you or fill up your emotional cup. You have got to do that for yourself and this might mean:
- Having great and supportive friends who challenge you to become more
- Pursuing your passions and interests
- Seeking out challenges
- Engaging in regular, strenuous exercise
- Healthy eating
- Going for a massage
- Hiring a therapist to work on your issues
- Anything else that fills your emotional cup without having to rely on her to do it for you.
When you take responsibility for your own energy and life, you bring new, refreshed and recharging energy back into your relationship. She will feel excited, inspired and renewed when she is around you.
When you give up everything that made you attractive and make her your number 1, your relationship is on a slippery slope to its end. Giving her everything she wants and investing all your energy into making her happy shouldn’t be your main priority in life.
If you are reading this thinking, “Oh shit, I’ve messed up so bad”, don’t worry, all is not lost. Here is what you can do.
What to Do When You Mess Up in a Relationship
If being perfect was a prerequisite for being in a relationship then no one would be in a relationship. Relationships are messy and we will make mistakes from time to time. That is okay. What is more important is that we stay conscious and take accountability for our actions.
A relationship can be used as a vehicle for massive personal growth or it can put you into a “life and death” battle to protect yourself from your partner.
If you want to move your relationship forward, you have to realize that there are no mistakes, only learning experiences. Trying new things involves making mistakes. You will fall into autopilot mode over and over again.
The secret is not to try to be perfect all the time but to practice showing up and being the leader in your relationship by:
Changing her mood not her mind
The average man sees every emotion of their partner as a problem to be fixed. Feminine thinking and logic are more influenced by feelings than facts.
If you want her to calm down, then the quickest way to do so is by offering her your calming presence. When you are having fun, she will find it easier to have fun with you. When you act with confidence, she will stop nagging and doubting you.
Women are security-seeking creatures. For the majority of women, trust is the source of her lust. If a woman is losing sexual interest in you, my guess is, she has also lost trust in you. You build trust by being present, being confident and being a man of your word.
You want to show her that you’re a reliable guy, that you can take care of her even if she can take care of herself. So let her be vulnerable without trying to “fix” anything. Allow her to vent and just listen. These are ways you can build trust with a woman.
Having a shared vision
Sharing a common vision can help couples keep that spark in their relationships. Whether it’s running a marathon together, hiking a mountain or starting a business, having goals will make the inevitable ups and downs of a long-term relationship less boring. This is also perfect if you’re planning to settle down and have kids. Working together as a team on a project (any project) helps you find out how you can raise a family together.
The secret to how to keep a girlfriend isn’t all about lavish gifts, fancy vacations or romantic gestures you see in the movies. Instead, it’s all about creating a stronger bond. If you can do that with your girlfriend, then you know your relationship will thrive.