Want to learn how to stop obsessing over someone—or more specifically, the girl you like? If you can’t get your mind off of her, and if you’re feeling confused, frustrated, and desperate, then this article is your saving grace.
Whether you want to learn how to stop obsessing over a crush or a girl who you think might be into you, it’s not always as easy as “just stop thinking about her.” In fact, the less you know about someone, the more your mind might wander over to her. So if you want to learn how to get a girl off your mind, here’s what you should do:
How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone
If you want to stop obsessing over her, you’ll need to understand three important aspects of your problem:
- Are you really obsessed with her, or is it a phase that will pass?
- Why are you obsessed with her? (Knowing the root cause is critical)
- And: How exactly do you get over a girl?
Only when you have answers to these three questions will you be in the position to get over her once and for all.
Let’s start with the first one:
Signs you’re obsessing over her (the unhealthy kind)
So are you really obsessed with her, or is it something that will pass soon? Let’s find out. Check yourself for the following signs:
Sign #1: You can’t stop thinking of her.
She’s on your mind almost 24/7, and it’s getting in the way of school, work, your family, and sleep.
Do you stay up at night thinking of her? Are your days punctuated with thoughts of her? If so, you’re definitely obsessed—and it’s a sign you need to do something fast.
Sign #2: You feel possessive of her.
You don’t just feel jealous whenever you see her with other men—you feel absolute rage and despair.
Sign #3: You think you're out of her league.
This is also called “putting her on a pedestal.” You look at her like some queen or goddess. And, yes, pedestalizing is a clear sign of obsession.
Remember: Whenever you put a woman on a pedestal, the only way she can look upon you is down upon you. And she won’t ever fall in love with a guy who’s beneath her.
Sign #4: You can’t stop contacting her.
Or at least, you can’t stop stalking her and trying to get her attention in creepy, half-hearted ways.
Have you been sending her texts and chat messages that never seem to get a reply? If so, then it’s time to get a clue—she’s not interested, and continuing to contact her will only make things worse.
Sign #5: You reject her rejections.
Has she already rejected you, but you’re still obsessed with her? This is one of the truest and most dangerous signs of obsession.
You might think: “But I can still change her mind!” That’s true, but the odds are against you. You’d sooner meet someone better—a woman who loves you, too—than make her reverse her rejection.
Sign #6: You've been seeing your friends and relatives less because of her.
You’re spending markedly less time with them than before. That’s another sign of an unhealthy obsession, not unlike a substance addiction.
Have your loved ones been checking on you, asking if something’s bothering you, and offering to help? If so, that’s a sign your obsession is extremely obvious to other people. My advice? Listen to them. They’ll tell you how to stop obsessing over a girl you mean little to.
Sign #7: You want to be her hero.
Calm down, Enrique Iglesias.
Who doesn’t like to feel heroic? Still, heroism isn’t always welcome, especially when it’s not asked for.
Can you imagine being tailed by an ugly woman who’s madly in love with you, yet just wouldn’t leave you alone even if you told her to? That’s probably how your crush feels right now.
So how many signs are you showing? If you have two or more, then you’re pretty much obsessed with her, and it’s eating you alive.
So what’s the next step? Before you even try to get over your obsession, you’ll need to uncover precisely why you’re obsessed with her.
The good news? Finding out is quite straightforward.
Why you’re obsessed over her
The most common reasons why you’re obsessed over her are the following:
Reason #1: She’s really caring and has a glowing opinion of you. Put simply, no one has made you feel how she’s making you feel. And it’s keeping you up at night.
Reason #2: She's intelligent and confident. Maybe you haven’t met anyone more inspirational than she is.
Reason #3: She's very attractive and sexy. She’s the most beautiful—and most “within your reach”—woman you’ve ever met. And you can’t bear the possibility of losing her to another guy.
These are all valid reasons to feel attracted to a woman, but obsession is rarely good. Left unaddressed, you stand to lose years, perhaps even decades, of your life to an unhealthy addiction.
So let’s not waste another day and get over her, shall we?
Practical Techniques for Getting Over a Girl
Here are some practical, doable techniques on how to stop obsessing over a girl. Any of these techniques will work, so pick two, three, or four of your favorites and stick to them. The most important thing? Getting started now.
Technique #1: Confess your feelings, if only to get rejected
One of the fastest ways to force her to reject or ghost you? Confessing your feelings. Once you’re blocked and she starts avoiding you, your problem is solved.
You might think: “I don’t think I can bear getting rejected like that!” Sure, that’s fair. You can resort to any of the 11 other techniques down below. Just remember that if you need a hard-and-fast solution to stop obsessing over someone when all else fails, there’s always good old Technique #1.
Technique #2: Create distance with her
This means physical distance. Move to the next town or find work elsewhere. Anything to escape the downward spiral of being close to her.
Technique #3: Unplug from social media
The best thing to do is to unfriend or even block her on all your platforms. It’s not unlike quitting an unhealthy habit cold turkey.
Now, if you’re wondering: “Wouldn’t she be offended if she found out I blocked her?”, the answer is “Maybe.” More likely, she won’t even notice, and you’re free to reclaim your life without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Technique #4: Remove all reminders and contact information
Check your place for anything that reminds you of her. Are there any gifts or photos lying around that trigger your obsessive habits? Get rid of them, and fast.
Now, these four techniques involve her in some way. If you’d like to use techniques that don’t involve her, and instead only involve you, then the following 5 techniques will probably be better options:
Technique #5: Get self-centered
Look at yourself in the third person, like you were a good friend about to give yourself some support and advice. What would you say and do to make you get over your obsession? Try it out—you’ll be surprised to learn how far you’d go to help a friend.
Technique #6: Give up all hope
Sounds harsh, I know. But understand that hopeless cases do happen. Chalk it up to experience and move on, determined not to waste another year on something that would never have worked out, anyway.
Now, some guys say: “You’re only a loser if you quit!” To that, I say: Quitting can be better than staying in some situations. I don’t think these same guys will ever tell you quitting smoking, or quitting drugs, or quitting a toxic relationship, makes you a “loser.” Quite the opposite, even.
Technique #7: Focus on a new hobby
Hobbies are perhaps the most enjoyable methods of getting over a girl. There’s probably something you’ve been wanting to try for years. Get into it now. She’s occupying lots of valuable mind-space right now—replace her with something more fun and rewarding.
Technique #8: Rediscover your personal goals
Have you ever written your life goals on a piece of paper or Word document somewhere, but now it’s gathering dust? Revisit them, write them down again, and give yourself the direction and purpose you’ve been looking for.
Technique #9: Pray/meditate/get some quiet time
Unburdening your mind is like relaxing a tense muscle. Slowly, the pain and suffering give way to peace and happiness. Sometimes the key to learning how to stop obsessing over someone is looking within to find peace.
And now, to wrap up, here are some techniques that involve other people in your life. Believe it or not, you don’t need to do everything alone. If you’re a people person, you might find the last three techniques appealing:
Technique #10: Meet other women
There are thousands of better women out there. But thanks to your obsession, you’re not even thinking about them. These are women who are just as caring, smart, or attractive as the girl you’re obsessing over—if not more so.
Technique #11: Ask your friends for help
Guess what—the fellas probably miss you. Invite them out for drinks, have a few laughs, ask for advice. Few things are better for a man’s soul these days than some old-fashioned brotherly love.
Technique #12: Get professional help
It’s never a bad idea to consult with someone who makes a living solving problems like yours. Find someone you trust and let them help you sort through your obsession.
And there you have it—everything you need to stop obsessing over someone. Pick your favorites, put them into action, and regain control over your life.