If you’re having second thoughts about your relationship, you aren’t alone. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. You meet someone new, sparks fly, and you think they may be the one. But after a while, you realize that she might not be your forever after all. You may keep reassuring yourself that you’re overthinking it, but your gut tells you otherwise and you start seeing signs she’s not good for you.
Doubting your relationship doesn’t make you a bad person. It simply means that you want to make sure the relationship is going somewhere and you aren’t just wasting your time.
Keep reading to recognize signs she isn’t good for you early on, which can help save you from investing time and energy in a relationship that may not be healthy in the long run.
Signs She’s Not Good For You: Relationship Red Flags
It can be challenging to notice the signs that she might not be the one for you, especially when you’re in love. The following are a few telltale signs that your relationship has likely run its course.
If you feel suffocated and controlled in your relationship, you're probably dating the wrong girl. Keep in mind that this extends far beyond her simply ordering you around and telling you what to do.
Ask yourself: Does she try to stop you from meeting your boy squad? Does she snoop around on your socials and asks for access to your accounts? Guilt trips you into saying yes? Argues and keeps scores? If your answer is yes to most of these scenarios above, it's a sure sign she's not good for you.
Controlling partners often make for a toxic relationship.
According to Forbes, toxic relationships can have detrimental effects on your health. In addition to lowering your self-esteem, strained and toxic relationships can also affect your physical health.
John Hopkins cardiologist Erin Michos, M.D. explains that several studies have demonstrated the negative physical impact of emotional stress on your body, leading to increased blood pressure and heart rate, among other effects.
She doesn't have time for you
Ever found yourself making excuses for your partner not showing up? Sure, she might actually be busy. But if it has been happening for some time, you’re likely not on her list of priorities anymore.
Whether it's canceling plans or frequent late text-backs, she'll appear least bothered in spending time with you. She will keep going on and on about how busy she is with work, social commitments, or other activities whenever you try to make plans.
And when you do manage to meet up or have a conversation, you may feel like it’s out of obligation, and she will appear distracted or in a hurry.
But, what if she is actually busy and not just giving you the slip? How can you tell?
Well, for starters, if you notice that she has time for everything else besides you, including family obligations, hobbies, and girls' time, she’s likely ignoring you. Because make no mistake, if a girl truly likes you, she will find the time to be with you.
Additionally, someone who is actually busy will immediately reschedule a canceled date. And if she blows you off, she’ll be clear about when you'll see her again.
Everything revolves around her
Trying to talk about your day, but somehow the conversation keeps swinging back to her … sound familiar?
A girl who's only about herself will hijack every conversation to discuss her wants, needs, and interests. She will tend to focus on her own milestones with little emphasis on acknowledging and celebrating your achievements. And that's one of the most definite signs she’s not good for you.
A self-obsessed girl might not be your best partner in the long run because she won’t help you grow or motivate you and may even feel threatened by your accomplishments.
So, where does this self-obsession come from? Well, research shows that such people generally have a narcissistic personality disorder. They believe they are special, have a heightened sense of self-importance, and seek excessive admiration from others.
If you think your partner is a narcissist, it’s better to rethink your relationship because it likely won’t survive down the line anyways.
You hide your true self around her
Do you feel the need to hide certain aspects of your personality when you're around her? Pretending to be someone you're not?
When priorities don't match, or your interests don't align, you might nod along to whatever she's saying, despite having a different opinion. Psych Central notes that people usually hide their true selves for fear of rejection or the need to seek external validation.
Fellas, voice your opinions and share what you actually feel. Live your truth. And if you’re unable to do that, it might be time to say your goodbyes because this is one of the most significant signs she is not the right woman for you.
What’s more, if you can’t be your true self in a relationship, it isn’t much of a relationship to start with.
You're never on the same page
Naturally, you can’t expect to agree with everything she does or says. Perfect harmony doesn’t exist when it comes to relationships or anything for that matter.
But being on the same page is important when it comes to important life decisions, generally involving kids, money, lifestyle, and marriage.
Why does being on the same page matter so much, though? Well, it’s because being happy has a lot to do with living your life by your values and needs.
And if you fail to do so because of your partner, Bustle claims that it can lead to feelings of resentment towards them, ultimately destroying your relationship.
We all have a list of significant life decisions we care about the most. The key to a healthy relationship is to ensure your list matches hers. And if not, she clearly isn’t the one for you, and it might just be better to end the relationship now.
She's emotionally needy
We talked about how your girl being too busy to spend time with you is one of the biggest signs she is not the right woman for you, but so is being overly clingy.
When she’s becoming too emotionally dependent on you, she will want your attention 24/7, demand that you be on her constant beck and call, and refuse to give you space.
An emotionally needy partner, according to Psych Central, will also frequently seek out compliments, be overly pessimistic about relationships, and constantly ask for reassurances of love.
Yes, we all desire affection and assurance from our partners to feel secure. But if your significant other demands every minute of your time, it just goes to show that she might not be mature enough for a healthy relationship.
Ph.D. and clinical psychologist Coach Jack explains that being overly needy might be the silent killer of your relationship. What happens is that when you constantly try to reassure your needy partner of your love, it can become incredibly draining over time, leaving you feeling trapped and unhappy.
The right woman will allow you to learn, grow, and just be.
Your gut tells you she isn’t the one
Remember the old saying, “Trust your gut,” Well, turns out there might actually be some real science to it. Contrary to popular belief, your so-called gut feelings — aka intuition — are more accurate than what you might have once thought.
So if you have a strong feeling deep down in your gut that she isn't the right person for you, it might be worth exploring those feelings further.
Sure, gut feelings can be fallible, but when paired with analytical thinking, studies show that intuition can help you make faster, better, and more accurate decisions.
The American Psychological Association notes that individuals who made decisions based on their gut feeling are more likely to report that those decisions reflected their true selves.
Your gut feelings are very real psychological processes where your conscious mind learns something that your subconscious mind has known all along. Trusting your gut can help you tap into your subconscious wisdom.
So, if your gut tells you she isn’t the one for you, it might be a good idea to cut the cord and move on.
You bicker all the time
Of course, you can’t expect to always be on good terms with your partner. But if slamming doors, silent treatments, and loud arguments are just "a typical day in your relationship,” it's likely a sign that you're in the wrong one.
So, how much fighting in a relationship is considered excessive?
While each relationship is different, licensed therapist JaQuinda Jackson explains that if fights become so frequent, they’re almost daily, and disagreements outweigh agreements; you’re likely fighting too much.
- She fights for the sake of fighting
If she keeps picking fights over trivial matters or for no apparent reason, it could indicate a pattern of excessive fighting. Your partner may refuse to let go of past conflicts and bring them up continuously.
She may also engage in behaviors deliberately designed to create conflict, such as using harsh language, making hurtful comments, or intentionally pushing your buttons.
- She always criticizes and judges you
Excessive fighting coupled with criticism and judgment from your partner can be a telltale sign that she isn’t the one for you.
When your partner continuously uses judgmental language like “You have to,” “You’d better,” or “You never,” it can undermine your self-worth and lead to feelings of shame, resentment, and distance in the relationship.
A 2002 study conducted by renowned marriage and family researcher John Gottman in the United States revealed that fighting in an "attack-defend" mode, characterized by criticism, anger, wrath, and contempt, could be an early indicator of separation down the line.
- She frequently plays the blame game
If your partner shuts down, gets angry, or constantly plays the blame game during fights, she might not be the one for you.
When confronted with a valid argument, she may immediately become defensive and turn the blame back onto you to hurt or invalidate your feelings (via Psychology Today).
And instead of accepting responsibility for her actions, she may redirect the argument by bringing up past mistakes or unrelated incidents to shift the blame on you.
- You feel exhausted after every fight
Do you feel emotionally, mentally, and physically drained after every fight? If nearly every argument with your partner leaves you feeling insecure, drained, and overwhelmed, this might be a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship and it’s time to get out.
Your partner is supposed to be your peace, not someone who makes you want to pull your hair out.