Texting between second and third dates can be a bit confusing, especially when you haven’t been going on dates for quite the time. You meet a girl, ask her out, then go on a date. And because things seem nice, you ask her again… and she says yes.
And now you don’t know what to do.
Normally, when you seek online dating advice, coaches will teach you a few things about how to ask her out over text or how to confirm a date. But very few will tell you what to text after the second date. After all, she said yes to the date, what more should you do?
This time frame between the second and the third dates is one of the stickiest points you’ll ever find on your dating journey. It’s a grey area full of doubts, confusion, and what-ifs.
The good news?
I’m going to show you how and when to text women between the second and third dates so they don’t flake on you. Keep reading…
Tips for Texting Between the Second and Third Date
The second date is often the most important one.
Men are looks-oriented by nature. You only need one glimpse at her Tinder/Instagram to decide on whether or not you want to date her or sleep with her. Character, on the other hand, attracts women more than looks, and often times it’ll take her more than a single date to figure the guy out.
Don’t get me wrong, they do want a good-looking man, but he must also have all the qualities she wants in a guy.
If you click with a woman on the second date then there’s a BIG chance she won’t ghost you. Women have plenty of options nowadays. Almost anyone she's into from her Tinder/Instagram DM is a possible date, so she won’t waste three dates on you unless she thinks you’re something.
Girls ditch guys so fast she may even ditch you before even meeting you, so stay cool and don’t let your mind wander about her ghosting you. If you two had a nice second date then she’s more likely in it for a third.
How you should handle the period between the second and third date will depend largely on what happened on the second. Here’s how.
If you had a fun second date:
By fun I mean you either kissed, made out, or had sex with sex being the best outcome and making out being the worst (I’ll explain later).
You kissed her
Let’s assume the second date went well. You spent a nice 3-4 hours together, you flirted for a few good minutes then you kissed her goodbye because she showed all the signs that she wants you to kiss her. In this case, the girl may give you a chance to prove yourself. Consider the kiss as a preview for what might come on future dates.
Your plan in this scenario will be to set her up for the third date and make sure she stays in a good mood until you meet up. Text her the same way you did before she went out with you. Open her up with gifs or fun questions, tease her, get to know her better, and wait till she’s invested in you (e.g. asks more personal questions, opens up to you, etc.), before asking her out again.
You made out
I call this one “the filter”. The best and worst thing to do on a date is to make out with a girl without escalating further. Worst because for some girls, this means you caved and didn’t have the guts to take her home. But best because (if you were good), she'll already see you as a potential sexual partner.
How do you find out?
Text her and watch out for any changes in her mood. Initiate the conversation the same way you did before and try to tease her the moment you get the chance. If a girl still likes you after a session of soft intimacy, she will respond well to you.
But what if she's a little cool towards you?
Don't ask her out right away. Either try again with a tease or a fun conversation or re-engage her some other time. At this point, trying to ask her out before fixing her mood will give you a definite no that you can't get back from. Wait till she's receptive and fun (multiple text blocks, emojis, flirts with you, etc.), then ask her out.
But if it seems like her mood isn't going to be fixed anytime soon, then move on or wait a month or two to re-engage again. Time can work wonders in these situations.
You had sex
Sex on a second date polarizes the third and will either make your life easier - hopefully - or ruin your chances with her - like, forever.
1. If the sex was good
Most girls will be all over you if the sex was good and you gave her multiple Os, which makes sense actually, because who doesn't want to have another fun with a guy who knows what to do in bed?
Text her a fun gif or anything that reminds her of that night. Think of something you did that she liked or something she mentioned during pillow talk (women can't resist a guy who still pays attention after sex). Once she responds well - and most likely she will - ask for her schedule then set up a third date together.
2. If the sex was bad
Well, it's hard to recover from a bad night with a woman, especially if the sex was meant to be the highlight of your date. Your best bet here is on honesty.
Tell her she didn't look like she had fun last time, and that you felt kinda awkward (or tired) and now you want to make up to her. It's more like a 20/80 chance to get a third date with her (80 in favor of "No"), but it's better than not trying at all.
If you had a normal/bad second date:
If you had a bad date or anything that isn’t “memorable” but you still wanna see her again, then:
- Don’t keep your hopes up: If she’s cute and has options then she’s probably texting her next date as we speak.
- Act as if nothing bad happened and start over. How? Look for any opportunity to instigate some fun banter, be playful, and watch for her reaction. Also, don’t bring up anything from the last date or give her a reason not to see you again. If you leaned in for a kiss but she gave you one of her cheeks, then don’t complain or even mention it.
Play it cool, and act as if nothing happened. Each time you stress over your mistakes, you magnify them and lose more credit with her. Also, avoid all boring topics and questions, tease her, be as charming as you can, and evoke her emotions again then pray that this time she’ll say yes when you ask her out.
Time Between the Second and Third Date
When scheduling dates with girls, keep in mind that the longer you wait the less likely it’ll happen, especially early on. Most girls won’t wait more than two weeks before they next the guy for someone else. They aren’t mean. It’s just that you don’t have enough social currency with her to make her remember you.
There’s no need to wait too long to meet her unless you slept together. If I like the girl, then I’d normally plan the third date with her before we kiss goodbye or the next day (maximum), so forget the so-called 3-days rule. It’s old school and no longer works in today’s world.
If you’re not sure she’ll say yes to a third date
Text her every other day and plan the date within 4-7 days. As I said earlier, the goal is to show her you’re a fun person, so make sure your conversation is enjoyable, and preferably face-time her or talk to her on the phone rather than text her. Girls are more emotional this way than if they were texting you.
If you already slept together
Tease her and remind her of the fun time you spent together, and maybe try sexting to get her excited or do some roleplaying over the phone. You don’t need to be heavily invested as you text her. Just keep it for planning your next meet-up. Girls tend to be more receptive after sex, especially if they enjoy it.
If you're both busy
If both of you can't find time for a third date then the best thing for you to do is to mark your calendar for when you can re-engage her again, then move on with your life. The worst thing you can do is to be needy about it or beg for a third date. It's better to start off again a month or two later than beg for her attention and lose her forever (and your self-respect too).
As I said earlier, texting between dates can be confusing, especially between the first three dates. On the one hand, you got to go on a date with her (good!), but on the other hand, you might not be sure if those two dates were enough to guarantee a third (bad). The good news? As time goes by, you'll get better and your intuition will get sharper as for how to handle the situation with the girl depending on the data she gives you.