Are you tired of reading all the relationship and dating advice for men out there, feeling confused, and just as lost (maybe even more) when it comes to women?
You read all the articles and books, try out strategies that dating coaches promise will work, and download all the dating apps, but you’re stuck where you started. You convince yourself a woman is your “dream girl” and ignore the blatant red flags that she’s not. You come on too strong and scare her off, or you play it too cool and she just doesn’t get that you’re into her.
Maybe every now and then you get lucky and a woman says yes to a date, or a first date goes amazingly well, or a girl comes back to your place. But you have no idea what you did, and at this point, dating feels like a giant game of Russian roulette.
Whether you’re looking for a casual hookup or a long-term relationship, here’s some genuine men's dating advice that you probably haven’t come across before.
Underrated Dating and Relationship Advice for Men
Ready for some hard truths about dating? Here are the top most underrated pieces of dating and relationship advice for men that people are afraid to say out loud. So buckle up because it's time to unlearn some of the common toxic ideas you may have heard from those who are disillusioned with dating.
Sort out your life before you go on any more dates
If it feels like dating and women are the problem, here’s the truth, they’re not: you are the problem.
Every part of your life: your job, your friends, your finances, etc. is a mirror of you. Sure, sometimes life throws us some curveballs and bad sh*t happens that is out of our control. But you know what is always in your control? How you react to what happens. And this will shine through when you’re out there talking to women and dating.
Positive thinking reduces anxiety as well as negative thoughts, both of which will make for more successful dates. Your reactions come from your personality, your values, how you view the world, and your outlook. When you’re dating, people get a glimpse into your world and who you truly are.
If women keep on standing you up, friend-zoning you, taking advantage of your niceness, just don’t seem to “get you,” or you continue to end up in crummy shams of relationships that always fall apart, it’s time to look inward.
Have you taken the time to work through your emotional baggage and past relationships or attachment issues? Do you have an interesting, fulfilling life that you’re proud of? Are you being true to who you are? Are you striving to be the best version of yourself you can be, and improving yourself every day?
Men who have created amazing lives for themselves and have their sh*t together recognize that dating is never the problem.
Figure out what you want
The next piece of solid dating advice for men is to know what you want before you start talking to women and going on dates.
Maybe you’re young and want to enjoy being single and casual hookups, or perhaps you’re at a stage in your life where you’re looking for something more meaningful and are ready to commit to someone. Both of those are okay, as long as you’re clear in your head about what you want, the reasons behind it, and that you’re upfront about it when talking to women.
Keep first dates low key
Some relationship advice for men will tell you to pull out all the stops on a first date: a brand-new suit, flowers, champagne, and a Michelin-starred restaurant for her. Because first impressions matter, right?
Yes, of course, they do, but that doesn’t mean you should go OTT on a first date.
One of the reasons why dating is so stressful for both men and women is that we load first dates with pressure. Pressure to dazzle the other person with our awesomeness, pressure to always say and do the right thing, pressure to look smoking hot, pressure to pick the right bar or restaurant…
A first date is simply a casual meetup to see if there’s a potential connection between you and whether they’re worth seeing again. It should be pretty basic and low-key. Maybe a drink at a bar, or even a cup of coffee. It shouldn’t last more than 2 hours because you should both leave wanting more (or wanting nothing to do with each other, which is also fine).
Focus on getting to know a woman on a first date rather than putting on an act to impress her. Women are not impressed by men who show off, they’re impressed by quiet confidence - that’s sexy.
FYI: that doesn’t mean you don’t make an effort to look good or be polite.
If you asked her out, then you pay the bill
There are a lot of conflicting rules for men when it comes to who should pick up the check at the end of a date. In my opinion, if you ask a woman on a date, then you should offer to pay - another reason for keeping first dates low-key and not splashing out before you even know the woman.
She might suggest you split, to which you should refuse once. If she insists on splitting the bill after that, then accept her offer, because this is her telling you for whatever reason she does not want you to pay for her.
Remember that most beautiful women don’t get approached by normal, nice guys
Relationship advice for men sometimes suggests that men should play games to keep women “on their toes” because they’re attracted to bad boys and nice guys always finish last.
Newsflash: nice guys do not finish last. They’re the ones who end up in happy, long-term relationships while the ass*oles are still single, miserable, and pretending like they’re still 20 years old partying it up like frat bros.
However, the “hottest” women will often only get approached by jerks and total psychos in bars and clubs. Because most normal, nice guys don’t think they have a chance with her. And deep down, most of these women wish they could find a nice, honest, authentic guy. Someone who cares what’s in her brain and wants to have an interesting conversation with her.
So even if you think someone is out of your league, don’t be afraid to approach her, but be genuine and have something interesting to say!
Always tell the truth (it’s easier to remember)
The problem with lies is they’re difficult to keep track of. What did you say to who? The moment you lie to your date or partner, you’ve started down a slippery slope that is very difficult to climb back up.
There are usually two reasons why people lie:
- They want to avoid hurting someone (but end up hurting the person anyway by lying)
- They don’t care about hurting someone
Moral of the story: tell the truth.
Be authentic and open: own who you are (unless you’re an ass*ole)
Men's dating advice will often encourage you to just “be yourself” but what if you’re a jack*ss? If a lot of women tell you that you are, then it’s time to start working on yourself. Do you like you? Do you like how you’re showing up?
The best advice I can give you is to be your authentic best self, without pretending to be someone you’re definitely not. So don’t be fake, but also don’t call being a jerk being “honest.”
A lot of pick-up artists teach other men how to sleep with women and label it as “men's relationship advice.” The problem is, a lot of these tactics focus on changing how you appear superficially to women, i.e. your appearance, how you communicate, and your perceived status. But none of these things help you find a woman who is the right match for you. To do that, you have to be authentic, and to do this you have to know who you are and what you want and communicate this. Yes, this makes you vulnerable, but this is a natural part of dating and relationships.
Researchers investigated if it’s possible to get an accurate idea of someone’s personality on a first date. They found that it is, as long as the person is open. And if you’re more content with your life, you’re likely to be more open, which ties into the first point we discussed: get your life together first.
Dating and Relationship Advice for Men Who Never Get Lucky
If you haven't gotten your foot in the door in the first place, here's what you can do to improve your dating life. While this advice might not guarantee that you'll get a girlfriend (or a hookup), they will set up the foundation for a potential future relationship.
Forget all the stupid dating advice you’ve ever heard
- Wait three days to call (if you like her, pick up the f*cking phone and tell her)
- Treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen (all this does is make her think you don’t like her)
- Don’t make too much effort with your appearance otherwise, you’ll look like you tried too hard (what’s wrong with trying?)
- Banter her with all the banter (humor is good, but over-bantering is just too much)
- Women love the bad boys (there's a certain type of "bad boy" that women actually like)
Empty all of these garbage rules for men out of your brain right now.
You don’t have to love yourself, but try to like yourself
It’s tough to fall deeply in love with every part of yourself (and potentially narcissistic). None of us are perfect, we all have our strengths and flaws (which, by the way, you need to be aware of). So I’m not suggesting you wait until you’re all loved up with you before you start dating, but you should be at a place where you can look in the mirror and like the person staring back at you. We all have hang-ups, and we all make mistakes, but try to be kind to yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others, because that is a recipe for unhappiness.
Move things off the app or move on
Dating apps are great for connecting with women you would otherwise never run into. What they’re not great for is chatting to a woman for weeks without meeting up in real life. Until you meet up in person, there’s no way of judging how compatible or suitable you are for each other or whether there’s any chemistry.
So keep things online for a week at max and suggest a meetup if you’re interested. If that’s too forward for some women, then move on and don’t waste your time.
Make an effort with your appearance
You don’t have to spend a ton of cash that you don’t have on fancy new clothes to impress a woman. But it is important that you take pride in how you look and make an effort to look the best you can.
Have a shower, style your hair, and wear something clean and freshly ironed. You can’t go wrong with a fitted crisp white shirt, some smart jeans or trousers, and a pair of smart brown shoes. And make sure your shoes are clean too, women always notice a man’s shoes!
Ask open-ended questions
The best way to avoid awkward silences and really get to know your date is to ask questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. This is a great tip if you’re a shy guy or someone who gets very nervous on a date.
Focus on your passions and hobbies, work, friends and family, and travel. Don’t be too nosy, but do be interested. When she’s answering your questions, listen and take mental notes! And make sure you open up about yourself too.
Get comfortable with rejection
The final piece of men's relationship advice I have to give you is to stop fearing rejection. Yes, it’s not ideal, but surely you already know that not every woman in the world is romantically interested in you.
Instead of seeing dates as good or bad, see them all as new experiences, a chance to practice your flirting skills and get to know someone new.
Rejection might hurt at the moment, but it’s steering toward women who are a better match for you. The most important thing is that you don’t let it keep you down and keep going!