How long should you wait to ask a girl out on a date? It’s a great question and one guys tend to ask a lot.
Many think if you ask her out too soon, you’ll come on too strong or look desperate. And if you ask her out too late, she’ll make certain assumptions about you: You’re shy, you’re playing with her, you want a penpal, you’re a catfish, aren’t really that interested, etc.
So where’s the sweet spot and when is the right time to ask a girl out? In this guide, I’ll put all the myths to rest regarding this question and teach you the best times when you should ask women out to increase your chances of getting a “yes.”
I know how it is; there’s a girl you really like and want to date. You’ve been talking to her and she’s hot. Best thing? She seems keen and you’re terrified of screwing this up by asking her out too soon.
It’s true, in most cases there definitely is such a thing as too soon and too late when it comes to asking girls out. But the timing isn’t as bad as people often think it is.
A lot of it comes down to two things: your psychology and the situation. By psychology, I’m referring to the twin emotions of fear and greed. Fear we’ll miss out on something causes us to act too soon and act irrationally. While fear of messing things up causes us to delay, usually until our chance is gone.
Greed, on the other hand, just leads us to rush into things which usually scares the girl away. And as the old saying goes, “only fools rush in,” right?
Besides psychology, the situation you and the girl are in during the interaction is far more important. And depending on this situation, it might be wise to ask her out right away. Or it might be very prudent to wait a week or two.
So how long should you talk to a girl before dating and when is the right time to ask a girl out in general? Let’s crack on and take a look at what you can do to raise your chances of getting a date significantly.
To determine how long you should wait to ask a girl out, first you must figure out the situation you’re in.
This is crucial because there’s no one single answer that’ll fit every situation. You can’t just say “Wait three days and then ask her out!” or “Wait at least a week, no matter what, or she’ll think you’re needy!”
That’s because every situation is different and there are lots of factors to consider before you make your move. This includes how long you’ve known each other, where you’ve met, how much she already likes you, and if she’s excited to meet you as well.
Many men believe you shouldn’t ask a girl out in the first week. That’s because they think it’ll seem too intense and might scare her off because she’ll think you’re needy.
I’m here to tell you this kind of thinking is simply wrong. Because neediness is a personality flaw, not a time-limit that evaporates after a certain number of days. And if you’re truly needy, women will see it right away.
In fact, in plenty of cases, if you meet a girl and have a wonderful conversation with her and notice she’s very keen to meet you. Then you can even ask her out on a date the very same day and get a massive “Yes!”
On the other hand, if you’ve met each other online and have never met in person yet, then it’s definitely weird if you ask her out right away.
In that case, you need to take your time, chat with her, flirt a bit and tease her in your online conversations. Build up some attraction, comfort, trust and anticipation, and to show her what a cool dude you are. And only then ask her out.
Now let’s talk about how long you should know someone before asking them out.
Here's the simple answer: The more she likes you and wants to spend time with you herself, the more irrelevant it becomes how long you’ve known each other. And the sooner you need to ask her out!
That’s because feelings fade with time, along with excitement and motivation. And if she’s super excited to meet you and you wait too long to ask her out, her enthusiasm will fade and she won’t be as eager to meet up with you.
This mostly applies to meeting girls in real life. Either on the street, in shopping malls, school, work, etc.
Online, however, is a much different story.
So how long should you talk to a girl before dating if you’ve met on Tinder or an online dating site? As long as it takes her to begin entertaining thoughts of meeting up with you herself.
In practical terms, usually between one and two weeks. Any longer than that and she’ll think you’re just there to chat with her and kill some time.
Finally, the longer you wait to ask a girl out, the more chances she has to meet with someone else she could fall for. And then your chances with her will be toast if she decides to meet him first and they hit it off.
That’s why I’m a huge proponent of not waiting much at all, if possible. And I always make it a point to ask girls out within zero to three days of meeting them if we met in person. Unless there are circumstances beyond our control and we have to wait before we can meet, like her or me being out of town, too busy with work, sick, etc.
Online, I wait about a week, if that.
Since guys often wonder how much location plays into all of this, another common question is “Where should I ask a girl out?”
The answer might really surprise you because it’s pretty counter-intuitive.
You’d assume location matters a lot. So if you were to ask a girl out at some fancy place, then she’d be much more likely to say yes, right? Well, you’d be wrong because location is largely irrelevant. You could wait for the perfect time to ask a girl out in a romantic location. But it won't do you a lot of good.
I’ve asked girls out on the street, at cafés, on the beach, in fancy ballrooms, upscale lounges, in rundown bars, and even at the morgue and an STD clinic. And you know what? The location didn’t make much difference at all.
That’s because her agreeing to go on a date with you depends entirely on how awesome she thinks you are. And on how much she finds you attractive and wants to get to know you better.
That’s why if you manage to show her a great time and what a great guy you are when you talk to her during your interaction, she won’t care where you’re at, location-wise.
So don’t worry about location at all and instead focus on having fun with her, flirting, being playful and interesting. That’s the most important part, not external things.
If you’re wondering when is the best time to ask a girl out during the day, then it depends on when you want to meet up with her.
For example, if you plan on meeting her the same day, then you should definitely ask her out as soon as possible. That way, she doesn’t have time to make other plans for the evening and becomes unavailable.
However, if you plan on meeting her some other day, it’s usually a good idea to ask her out closer to the evening. That’s when she’s free and there are fewer distractions, like work, studying, errands, and similar things. So you can talk to her more, get her excited again to meet you and then ask the question.
That said, the absolute best time to ask a girl out on a date is late Sunday evening. That’s the time of day when most single women are home alone and are bored out of their minds. This is why asking them out then will significantly raise your chances of getting a “Yes!”
Another huge question besides “Where should I ask a girl out?” is, of course, “How many times should I ask a girl out before I give up on her?”
Imagine the following: You guys have been getting along just fine online or offline. You’ve made her giggle, you’ve flirted and she kept replying enthusiastically. Your gut tells you she’s interested. Yet when you asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee “sometime,” she gave you a hesitant “maybe.” This happens a lot when you're asking a girl out over text.
Don’t get disheartened. A “maybe” isn’t a “no.” There are several reasons why she might seem hesitant to meet up, despite you guys hitting it off. The most likely reason is she’s just scared.
Just as much as you want to impress her, she wants to impress you. So it’s very possible she’s afraid you might not like her in person.
Another reason she might give you a “maybe” is she wants to take this slow and needs some patience from you. She likes you, but isn’t ready to meet up just yet.
Either way, don’t take a “maybe” or a soft “no” as a rejection. Don’t get disheartened, lose your confidence or get frustrated with her. Show some understanding and keep finessing like you’ve been doing up until this point.
If you take a “maybe” badly, she’ll definitely notice. And all your chances of landing a date will be gone in an instant. Accept the “maybe” as a “not yet” and as a sign she needs more from you until she’s comfortable enough to meet up. Continue chatting as you were and try again in another week or so.
However, after three or four tries, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
Now you should understand pretty well the right time to ask a girl out and also how long you should wait to ask a girl out in general.
In short: as soon as you possibly can when you see she’s enthusiastic about meeting you as well. Unless you’re chatting online and she wants to get to know you so she feels very safe and trusts you. Don’t dawdle too long or you’ll lose your chance. But don't be in a rush either!