If you’ve ever wondered how to ask a girl out over text, know that you’re not alone.
Most guys simply have never been taught how to approach the subject correctly.
The last thing you want to do is blow your chances with an attractive woman who was initially keen.
While at times it may take patience and persistence to get her out on a date, it would be an understatement to say that it’s important to be calibrated in your approach as well.
First, of course, you need to ask her for her number. That's for another article. But once that's done, you can proceed with figuring out how to ask her out.
To ask a girl out over text, it pays to have a strategy.
One that is specific and efficient, with the end goal of eventually taking her out on an exciting first date.
Once you finally meet in person, you’re finally able to see what sort of connection you have with her.
You’re severely limited when it comes to talking to her solely over text messages, so your number one goal is to get her out on a date.
To do that, you must eventually ask her out.
We’ve outlined a process that will help you ask a girl out over text without fail. While you might think that the techniques you see in movies are foolproof, know that they're not. It's easy to fall into the trap of asking a girl out in the worst ways possible. Don't be a loser who drives women away! Instead, use the tried and tested strategies.
Firstly, every detail leading up to the moment that you ask her out matters. You can’t suddenly expect her to be awed by you the moment you deliver a date proposal. With that in mind, it goes without saying that she shouldn't only be interested in you first. She should also be fascinated by you.
When she finds you beyond alluring, she practically has to accept when you finally do ask her out. If you’ve established yourself as a man of value in her eyes, she will see you as a catch that she cannot miss out on. If she’s willing to figuratively move mountains to see you, getting her out will be easy.
So, how do you captivate her before inviting her out on a first date? Contrary to what you may believe, there are many ways to attract a gorgeous and mature woman. And since all women are different despite sharing certain similarities, there isn’t one approach that is superior to the rest.
With that said, we can narrow it down to a shortlist of features you can capitalize on to get her interested in you:
If you look at this list and have trouble identifying any that represent you, don't worry! You shouldn’t worry obsessively about portraying these things to her. But you should keep them in mind as you work on your dating profile and throughout your conversations.
For instance, by avoiding direct answers to her questions, you will invoke a dash of mystery. By having a professionally-taken picture showing you having a good time in a social environment? You will show her your personality and vibe in a positive light. Bonus points to physical appearance if it’s the picture you look best in.
Essentially, the point is to have her interested in you before you ask her out on a date. When you do, she will be more apt to say yes.
Don’t be afraid to flirt and show her that you’re not too serious. Definitely tease her whenever you can. Besides increasing her interest for you, the more you practice flirting and teasing, the better you’ll get.
This translates to greater confidence–whether you consciously recognize it or not. And you already know how much confidence is important to women. So don’t hesitate to work on it whenever you can.
There are 3 components to this strategy. To avoiding wasting time, let’s get right to it.
How are you to get a woman out on a date if she does not find you interesting?
You must instill curiosity in her. You must pique her interest.
This is the first step towards ensuring that when you finally ask her out, she will be all but guaranteed to say yes.
Piquing a woman’s interest can be a very simple thing.
It can also be a very challenging and frustrating task.
It all depends on your approach.
What attracts women on a fundamental level is practically universal.
While there are some differences as far as subjective preferences are concerned, generally speaking women find the following things attractive in men:
While this list may not be entirely conclusive, it does outline the main traits and features that attract just about every woman.
You’ll likely find that there is some overlap between them.
For instance, if you have a fun and lighthearted personality, you probably have a good sense of humor as well.
The key to piquing her interest is to display as many of the above traits and features as you can.
While playing too much on one may be overbearing, (as is the case with wealth), it usually pays to exploit your own advantages.
Maximize your interest to her by playing to your strengths and minimizing your weaknesses.
Additionally, you’re not limited to showing these things solely through conversation.
Don’t forget that pictures are worth a thousand words.
So don’t be afraid to show her some of your best–in exchange for some of hers, of course.
If she’s starting conversations with you, asking you plenty of questions, or perhaps even insinuating that she wants to meet, you’ll know that you can move on to the next step.
While you shouldn’t try to show her too much about you right away, you must show her that you’re different from the other guys.
Even if ever so slightly.
Remember, if there are many girls that interest you, that also means that there are many guys that interest her.
By showing her you’re not the same as the vast majority of guys, you’ll put yourself ahead of the curve.
To ask a girl out over text requires some preparation.
First you must interest her, then you must show her that you’re unique in your own way.
The best way to do so is to avoid doing the exact same things that most men do.
Complimenting her on her appearance is a good example.
While this has its place, you can save that for later.
Most men are quick to tell her she’s beautiful or has a cool style.
Don’t do the same. Let her work it out of you first.
A good rule of thumb: no compliments on anything related to her appearance before you’ve met.
With that said, you could compliment her on her general preferences or any interesting hobby she might have.
For example, you could ask her about her favorite cuisine or the pastime she enjoys most.
Tell her you’ve yet to meet someone who’s fond of both Mediterranean food and Cold War history, if that happens to be the case.
Lastly, don’t show her any boring or generic pictures.
Taking your picture in front of a mirror is boring, and having your shirt off is generic.
Alternatively, if you have a picture of yourself on a beach playing a sport with your friends, that could actually work to your advantage.
When it comes to your pictures, as long as you avoid anything that’s too ordinary or cliché, you’ll be OK.
Once you have her interested and she sees you as a valuable man unlike most she’s met, you can finally make your move.
By now you’ve got the basics down. All that’s left is for you to ask her out.
It’s important that you don’t overthink it.
Too much planning may increase your anxiety, which may lead to inaction.
Even worse is that if you worry too much about every little detail beforehand, you’ll be more nervous when you finally meet her. So just ask her out online already.
Who cares if she says no or makes up an excuse? With that said, if you follow this strategy from start to finish she will most likely say yes.
If she plays along, you really can’t fail.
Dating is a game, so have fun with it, and never take it too seriously.
We’d like to leave you with 3 ways to ask her out that are proven to be effective.
Experiment with them and see which works best for you. (Feel free to change the logistical details found in square brackets.)
“I have an idea… How about we meet this [Tuesday] for [a drink]?”
“Are you free this [Wednesday evening]? I have some free time so we could finally chat in person over a cup of coffee.”
“Are you busy this [Sunday]? There’s a cool [festival] I’d like to go to that’s here this week, why don’t you join me?”
Search online on how to ask a girl out over text and you’re going to find many different opinions. Some people might give you good advice, whereas others will not, despite their best intentions. Remember that there’s no single best way to approach the topic.
The more you practice, the better sense you’ll have overtime for which approach is most appropriate. It all depends on the girl you’re talking to.
Some would argue that the way you ask for her number is already part of asking her out. But with that in mind, feel free to use our examples, but don’t be afraid to get creative and create your own approach as well!
Without further ado, let’s go over some examples as to how you can ask her out effectively.
The casual approach
Let’s get started with the casual approach. It’s low-risk and it’s friendly. Most importantly, it’s laid-back. It’s a great way to feel her out for a date without a hint of desperation on your part.
“Are you free on Tuesday or Wednesday evening?” (Feel free to change the days.)
When she asks why or says yes, follow it up with:
“Why don’t we hang out for a bit? I should have some free time.”
Assuming you have the basics down, she will probably say yes. Suggest a time, and follow through. If she says no to the initial question, don’t fret. But do expect her to suggest an alternate time that works for her.
The planned approach
With this next approach, you will suggest plans from the onset without being overbearing.
Some girls can get annoyed when a guy asks them out without making a plan. Having a date idea already in mind will show her you’re assertive. It’s good to keep her preferences in mind. For instance, don't take her to a movie that doesn’t interest her. But leaving it up to her to plan things might frustrate her.
Depending on the situation, planning a date can take work. Most girls will appreciate your efforts to make arrangements.
Another option is to come up with multiple ideas and let her choose one. That way, you’ve done the hard part. And yet, you’re still allowing her to pick what she wants to do. If you do your research and take note of her hobbies and interests? You should be able to come up with some great ideas.
On the other hand, first dates are great when they’re simple. You don’t actually have to be that creative here. Hiking, bowling and anything athletic should probably be saved for dates two or three. Dinner or drinks might be all you need.
For example, you might say, “How about we meet later this week for [x event]?” Experiment with different plans and ideas.
Above all, you should choose something that you feel comfortable with. If you’re comfortable, she will be too.
And remember, simple is fine. “How about we meet later this week for a quick drink?” works great.
The exciting approach
Here you have an opportunity to approach her with something out of the ordinary. And that works great if it compliments the personality you’ve presented to her.
First, start with:
“I have an interesting idea about what we could do later this week..”
The more excited her reply to this is, the better the follow up will be:
“Let’s get to know each other over some drinks and figure out how much we complement each other in person.”
This is a unique way of asking her out that shows her you have a good sense of humor. And that you don’t take things too seriously. Don’t be shy; give it a try!
The invitation approach
This last approach is compelling. It has her assume that you already have plans set and that she’s just being invited along for the ride.
“On [x day] I’m going to [x event]. Why don’t you join me?
If you’d like to take her to a market, art show, public concert, or any other local event? This is the perfect way to ask her out
It’s hard to go wrong when you’re inviting her to do something exciting that you intend on doing anyway.
We’ve covered the essentials. Now, it’s important for us to leave you with a few pointers regarding what you should avoid.
As long as you refrain from doing the following, you’ll be on the right track:
While there are other mistakes, these are the main ones to avoid. For instance, it will do you wonders to keep your first date “short and sweet.” Asking her out on a long first date is certainly a mistake to avoid as well. 1-2 hours is more than enough.
If you play your cards right, you’ll leave a powerful first impression. And she’ll be the one asking you out for date number two.
Assuming she accepts your offer, it’s time to finalize your date plans. This is when you’ll lock down an exact date, time and place.
Additionally, you’ll decide whether you’ll each handle your own transportation or ride together. For a first date, I’m personally not a big fan of the guy picking the girl up (or vice versa). In the event that the date doesn’t go well, it can make things more awkward than they need to be. Also, it can put pressure on her to oblige to a goodbye kiss or even sex at the end of the night.
Depending on where you live, taking an Uber or Lyft might be your best option. You can arrive separately and won’t have to worry about driving home if you end up having a few drinks.
Once you’ve ironed out your plans, you could sign off the text message convo with a confirmation. Consider something like, “Looking forward to it!” or “Perfect. See you Friday.” After that, don’t try to keep the conversation going.
By making specific plans and signing off, you’ll come off like you know what you’re doing. If your date is a few days away, you might want to continue to play it cool. On the day of your date (or the night before), you can shoot her a text to confirm your plans. Reiterate that you’re looking forward to seeing her and leave it at that.
By now, you should have a solid understanding of how to ask a girl out over text. Even if you don't have a specific girl in mind, it's good to be prepared. And remember, texting your love interest doesn’t have to be hard.
Keep in mind that if you get rejected, it’s not necessarily because of what you said in a text message. She could be already in a relationship, uninterested in dating anyone right now, or just not up for going out.
Getting turned down doesn’t feel good, and it’s hard not to take it personally. But it’s important to be respectful and back off if she’s not interested. Try to view it as a learning experience, brush yourself off and get back out there.
Don’t overthink the process of asking out a woman on a date. It’s incredibly easy to do, especially when it’s over text. Or if you're lucky and she's really into, she might be the one to ask you out.
With that said, never forget the basics–stick to them and you’re guaranteed to succeed. Get her interested in you, plan your approach, and ask her out already. Chances are it’s what she’s been waiting for.