Getting that first date set up is often the hardest part. From there, all you need to do is show up and let her see how great you are. But you need to remember how to confirm a date via text to ensure things are still on.
The downside is prior to the first date, there’s still a level of anonymity and zero accountability. Which is why you’ll usually need to confirm the date with a text message first. This is a good practice regardless of how you set the date up either in person or using one of our favorite hookup apps. A little confirmation can do a lot of good.
No matter who you are or how well you’ve handled things, there’s still a slight chance she’ll flake or she’ll assume you’re going to skip it. The solution is learning how to confirm a date via text. This is especially important if you're texting before your first date.
We’ll be covering how to do this with some general guidelines and a few basic examples as well.
The “pickup artist” community often suggests this is a terrible idea. In my opinion, that’s terrible advice. See, the idea is that a “real man” -- whatever that means -- doesn’t confirm dates. He’s a caveman that does her the honor of showing up.
In the real world though, where both men and women are human beings, it’s a little different. Humans lead complicated lives and have complex emotions. There are so many reasons why she may not be able to make it and some of them have nothing to do with you.
Sure, she should give you the courtesy of a message and sometimes she will at the last minute, but why wait? Instead, confirm the day you’ve planned to meet up.
Not only are you respecting your own time, but you’re also letting her know you’re not going to flake. Remember, both of you are taking a bit of a risk by agreeing to a date. Making her feel comfortable about you only does you a favor in the long run.
Try to think of your first date as just two people meeting up. Sure, it’s a bit more complex than that but the more you think about it, the harder it can seem.
Keeping that mindset will help you avoid coming across as needy when confirming your date. I know I’ve caught myself almost coming across that way a couple of times in the past when they were particularly attractive.
For example, you should never be asking her if it’s “okay” to still meet up later. This makes it feel like she’s doing you a favor by agreeing to a date with you. Confidence is important and this approach conveys anything but.
Instead, keep your text short and casual. Even a simple “Still good for tonight?” will do.
Another point where the “pickup artist” community and I disagree. If she can’t make our date, it isn’t necessarily a deal breaker.
I already covered this when talking about how to reply to a canceled date text. In short, it’s okay if life gets in the way once or twice. A third time is where I draw the line though.
While some will tell you to immediately run the other way, I like to remember she’s human. Crazy, right? We lead complicated lives and there are so many things that can get in the way.
Just don’t take it personally if she has to reschedule.
Unless you arranged the date weeks ago, it’s best to wait until the day to confirm. Either way, you need to know on the day if she’s still coming, right?
Asking both three days beforehand and the day of the date is going to start feeling a bit needy.
On the other hand, maybe you both had horrible timing and she’s out of town for a couple of weeks. If you have the date set up for when she gets back, a lot can happen in that time. If you’re chatting on and off for the duration it’s not so bad. But two weeks of radio silence is a risky game.
I find that a text mid-morning on the day of the date works best. Too early in the morning is a bit much for someone you haven’t met. Too late in the day and you’re making it hard to make other plans for your night.
I don’t go setting a reminder for a specific time, just whenever I think about it -- somewhere around 10ish is good.
Often the most valuable thing to see is some easy examples that you can use to get you started. Below are some messages I’ve used in some form in the past.
The most important thing to remember here is the actual words are less important than tone and timing.
Don’t agonize over every word in your message. Instead, just think about how it’ll come across.
“Hey stranger, you still good for 7:00 p.m.?”
I don’t feel the need to communicate with her daily before the date. If we match on a Monday and our date is Thursday, it’s not uncommon for there to be a couple of days of silence in there.
The “hey stranger” part makes playful reference to that silence while also confirming the date in a short message. It fits with my personality and the way I talk, be sure to adjust yours to suit your style.
“Hey, it looks like I’m going to be stuck at work a bit late so I’ll be running 10-15 mins behind tonight. That cool?”
This is a popular one guys will use to confirm the date without being open about it. Personally, I’ll only use this if it’s true (my work hours can be unpredictable) but either way, it is effective.
By letting her know you’re going to be a bit late, you’re giving her an out if she plans on flaking. You’re also reminding her about the date in case she forgot, all without ever asking if she’s still down.
“Hey [name], still good for tonight?”
The simple, classic confirmation text. This is what I’ll go with if I’m not too fussed about the date. Maybe I’ve had a big day or I’m on the fence about the date in the first place.
It requires minimal effort and also leaves the door wide open for follow-up conversation.
“Hey, so you mentioned you like [x]. I just heard about the perfect place on 10th. Want to head there tonight instead?”
Paying attention to the conversation and suggesting a last minute change to something fun. It can only possibly look good for you, right?
So much of your first-date success is about the environment you’re in. Sure, if you’re skilled enough you can make anything work. But for the mere mortals among us, a fun setting goes a long way.
The only thing I would warn against here is coming across too needy. There’s a big difference between hearing about an event and researching what she likes so you can please her. Like I said, focus more on how your messages come across than the words you use.
“...when we meet up...”
The conversational confirmation is my go-to if we have an open dialogue the whole time. I’ll usually look to set up a date for within a day or two of matching. Keeping a conversation alive for that long is safe and normal when you’re both engaged.
When that’s the case, dropping it into the conversation is far more natural. No need to specifically ask, just make reference to the date with the assumption it’s still happening.
There are infinite ways to use this depending on the situation. Literally, all you’re doing is referencing your plans.
See, confirming that date is important but it’s also very straight forward. Try to think of it more like checking your friend is still good to meet up for drinks later.
Like most things in dating, the less you agonize over the details, the smoother things will go. If you’re really unsure what to do, the simple confirmation example is your friend!