7 Things You Have to Do When Texting Before a First Date

Woman texting before the first date

Whether you met through a dating app or at the bar, your first date is such an important step, no matter what you’re looking to get out of it. In a world of text messages and Snapchat, texting before a first date has become almost as important as the date itself.

You’re still in the early stages of getting to know each other, so messing it up here could be enough for her to cancel entirely. Not to worry, that’s where BeyondAges comes in.

I’m about to run you through seven easy tips you need to get your pre-date texting on point.

What You Need To Know About Texting Before A First Date

Especially with online dating, texting before a first date can feel daunting. There are two things for you to remember though. First, she’s feeling exactly the same. Second, it does get easier with practice.

Although it is possible to mess things up if you completely bomb, you’re not actually on trial here. All you’re aiming to do is stay in contact before the date and build some attraction and excitement. That’s it! Not so scary, huh?

How often should I text her before a first date?

Let’s get one thing straight nice and early. There are no rules around how many texts you should send per day, how long you should wait between messages or how long they should be. “How often should I text her before a first date?” is such a common question that some guides feel compelled to give you a number.

The truth is, the only thing you need to do is text when you have some free time. So long as you’re not dropping everything to reply to her right away, everything will be fine. Nobody ever lost a first date because they replied to a couple of texts too fast.

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What to text a girl before a first date

Pre date texting should be kept fun and interesting. Getting to know a little about each other keeps the conversation engaging, but now isn’t the time for the “getting to know you” type questions.

Stick with lighthearted funny or flirty questions rather than the mundane “do you have any siblings?”, “what are you studying?” type stuff. There’s plenty of time to learn about her in the next few dates if things go well.

Put it this way: no woman is texting her friends after your date going “It was great. He wanted a complete breakdown of my family tree and my career goals over the next five years!”

More important than the content of your messages is your delivery. Stay true to your own personality rather than trying to act “smooth”. For me, goofy humor is who I am. Rather than a “Are you still good for our date?” an hour beforehand (feels like you’re confirming a doctor’s appointment!), I’ll go with something more like “Hey, bad news. I’m still available for our date at 8. I’m so sorry!” It’s silly, playful and my own brand of confidence.

If that kind of humor doesn’t gel with her, that’s okay. Better to find out now than 4 dates in!

Determine her vibe

First and foremost, it’s crucial that you determine her vibe as you get to know her — That includes knowing if she likes you over text.

You should have a good idea of what she’ll be like in person before you even consider meeting her. Of course, you won’t ever know for sure until you’re face to face.

Is she outgoing, or is she shy and reserved?

Is she flirting with you over text or is she just super friendly?

If she’s the former, there will be less pressure on you if you do eventually meet because she will probably do most of the talking.

If she considers herself shy, just be ready to lead and carry the conversation–over text and in person.

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Establish a connection

If you don’t establish a connection with her while texting before the first date, how are you to do so when you finally meet her?

It’s so helpful to establish a connection or chemistry of some sorts beforehand so when you do finally meet, you can enhance your connection even further. Keeping the conversation going is key here.

Without her curiosity and comfort, it will be difficult for her to say yes when you finally ask her out. If you come across as having the personality of a bowl of oatmeal, you can expect the dreaded cancellation text before you ever get a chance to meet up.

Remember, no interview questions, just let the conversation flow naturally. If this feels difficult or you often find yourself stuck for what topics to talk about over text, work on your conversation threading. When you’re effective at this skill, you can turn any sentence into a week-long conversation that never gets boring.

Think of it like the text message version of that deep YouTube rabbit holes we all fall down from time to time. It starts with watching a review of that new gaming controller and before you know it, you’re learning about the 1925 Swiss cartel that controlled the lightbulb industry.

Through a series of tangents, you’ve strayed so far from the original topic, yet you’ve been engaged the whole time.

On top of this, don’t be afraid to share some of your stories as well. The more you’re comfortable sharing, the easier it’ll be to establish that connection.

The better you get at building a connection with people, the easier it is to get over nerves before a first date.

Confidence is always so important

Whether you’re texting before meeting in person or you’re setting up for that fifth date, confidence is a huge factor.

I try to steer away from setting strict texting rules before a first date. But if I had to set one rule, it’d be this: Project confidence in everything you do.

Perhaps the only thing every human on the planet can agree with in dating is that confidence is attractive. It’s so much more enjoyable to be around someone that’s sure of themselves and not afraid to make decisions. Conversely, spending time with someone that needs constant reassurance and perpetually afraid of making the “wrong” decision is draining.

One great thing about confidence, speaking from personal experience, is that you can fake it ‘til you make it. Show that you’re confident by being decisive when there’s a decision to be made, suggest plans that actually interest you and for God’s sake, don’t seek validation.

You have her phone number and she’s texting you. There are plenty of guys who would love to be in that position — consider that validation enough.

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Don’t forget about chemistry

When learning what to talk about before the first date, don’t forget the importance of chemistry. Doing so is one of the biggest texting mistakes you can make.

This point is related to determining her vibe, in that it’s hard to know for sure until you actually meet. Based on what you’ve learned about her so far, you should be able to imagine what it will be like on a first date with her.

What does your gut feeling tell you? Will it be a boring date where you will have to do all the work as she goes through the motions?

If you aren’t both interested in the conversation, no amount of texting rules before a first date will fix that. If you’re ticking off all the other boxes in this article and she’s still not feeling it, you might be better going your separate ways rather than trying to force it.


With these simple tips on what to talk about before the first date, you’re in a far better position to make the most of that situation. With a little practice, keeping a fun and engaging conversation going becomes second nature.

Just remember that old cliche advice of “be yourself.” As you’re learning what to text a girl before the first date, it can be too easy to get caught up in what you should and shouldn’t do and you end up stripping your own personality out of it.

Dating is meant to be fun — go enjoy it!

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