Many guys want to find out how to display confidence with women without seeming as too arrogant or being a douche.
Today I'll give you a few pointers on how to be confident around women. I'll also show you what mindsets to employ and what mistakes to avoid so that you're never considered an asshole.
Being confident with women means being a secure man
First of all, when you think about a guy who’s confident with women, what type of person do you imagine?
Is he someone who's fully assertive 100 percent of the time and always has an uncompromising belief in himself? Does he always know what to say to women and never does anything wrong?
Well, the unfortunate thing is this is the way many men view a guy who’s very successful and confident with women. But it couldn't be further from the truth.
That's because there is no person on the planet like that. No one is assertive all the time, believes in himself without fail, does no wrong and always knows what to say to women. That's just impossible, because no one is perfect.
For some more in-depth guides to creating a life that naturally attracts great women there are a few books that are worth your time.
Misconceptions about being confident around women
For example, I'm a guy who’s confident with women. I can hold my own in conversations, I don't get perturbed at all and I don't swoon over women and lose my cool. I also tread the line between confidence and arrogance.
When someone sees me talking to a beautiful woman, they often think I'm the epitome of confidence. But truth be told, half the time I’m winging it on the fly.
I'm just there to talk to her as a person and I simply improvise as I go along. I do know certain principles and things from my extensive experience which greatly improves my chances in any interaction with women. But those have nothing to do with why I'm confident.
From the side, I may look supremely confident, but I'm not a confident person in general.
For example, I'm still nervous sometimes when I approach someone new. I still struggle with shyness and things like singing karaoke in public. I also doubt myself when faced with certain situations. But things like that don't stop me from being exceptionally successful with girls and feeling confident around them.
Things like that are normal human behavior because we all feel overwhelming emotions at times and succumb to them. I've accepted that fact because I'm only human. And so should you. It's how you handle these emotions when they overwhelm you that sets you apart from people who have no success with women.
So, what makes me different from men who aren't confident around women is a very minor but massively important detail. I simply have a belief that I can handle anything that comes my way. And if there's something I can't handle -- I'll learn from that experience and will be able to deal with it next time. I also believe that rejection is a natural part of life and there's always plenty of fish in the sea, no matter what.
This allows me to never behave in a needy, desperate, creepy or unattractive manner. It allows me to talk to women without any judgment, fear, anxiety or shame. And being shameless about who you are as a person is synonymous with being confident. And a great way to overcome insecurities and build confidence.
Hence, confidence around women is entirely about your ‘Inner Game.’ ‘Inner Game’ encompasses all the thoughts, mindsets and beliefs that you have circulating in your head. Solid ‘Inner Game’ is what sets apart men who have low self-esteem, constantly doubt themselves and can't seem to have any luck with women, from those who are massively successful with the opposite sex.
The mindsets of true confidence with women
A mindset is a person's way of thinking. It's a fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person's responses to and interpretations of situations.
If you have the wrong mindsets when talking to women and about dating in general, you'll never get far with the opposite sex. That's why, to develop your confidence around women, you need to employ the right mindsets.
Some examples of BAD mindsets to have about confidence with women and dating in general:
- "I'm the shit and I always know what to say"
- "Women always like me"
- "I'm the best guy she'll ever have"
- "Whoever screws with me is going to get it"
- "I'm the ALPHA MALE and I'll always get mine"
- "All women should love me because I'm such a nice guy"
These are just a few examples of what a bad mindset could be. Sadly, many men think that having mindsets akin to the ones above will help them with women. They believe that if they internalize such beliefs, they'll have more confidence when around women.
And why wouldn't they think so? These inner thoughts say that they're amazing, that they always know what to do and what to say. That all women will love them because of their awesomeness and that they're the "alpha male," etc.
Well, these mindsets are terrible because they're completely untrue. For example, no one knows what to say or what to do all of the time. No matter how awesome or cool you are, some women will simply not like you. You can never be the best someone will ever have because there's always someone better out there. And women shouldn't do anything with regard to you no matter how "nice" you are because they're not objects or slaves.
Employing any of these mindsets or similar ones would be effectively lying to yourself just to feed your ego. They also reek of insecurity. They may sound like affirmations and statements of greatness but they do more harm than good since they feed a delusion.
And I didn't even mention the completely negative mindsets that guys can have, like the “Scarcity Mindset.” It's when a guy thinks he has limited options in life, be it with girls, job prospects, general relationships, etc.
Having a terrible mindset like that or the ones above will sap the confidence out of any man. It may give them fleeting fake confidence if they repeat these things enough and pump themselves up. But that confidence is built on lies and will soon crumble, shattering their self-esteem.
Some examples of GOOD mindsets to have about confidence around women and dating:
- "I have an interesting life."
- "I've got a lot of value to offer to people in conversations."
- "I trust myself and my instincts when around women."
- "Whatever happens, happens -- I'm just here to have a good time."
- "If I get laid tonight -- great! If not, I'll make some new friends and have new experiences."
- "Women love sex as much as men do."
- "Seduction is fun and I enjoy talking to women and finding out who they are, and what makes them tick."
Having mindsets similar to these will do wonders for your confidence when you’re around women. If you truly believe these things and internalize them, nothing that ever happens in social interactions will perturb you.
You'll be free from any outcomes with women, which means that you'll never be needy, desperate or creepy. You'll be able to go into any interaction from the position of self-amusement. When you put self-amusement first, you'll never place women on a pedestal, never try to kiss-ass or suck up to them and you won't try to impress. This’ll make you more charming, sociable and also incredibly attractive.
You'll just be there as a normal, regular dude who's fun, interesting, chill and relaxed. A guy who doesn't judge people and has standards. Someone who talks with women like they're also regular human beings and doesn't judge women for their naughty sides. That’s the secret of true confidence with women and to never look like an asshole or douche when you're talking to them.
You'll never seem like a douche because you simply won't have any need to prove anything to anyone. With mindsets like these, you'll just be there to enjoy your interactions and conversations with women, have fun and see if you'll click with the one you like. And then possibly have a nice romp between the sheets if you do.
Of course, it's a little bit more complicated than that, but employing these mindsets and believing in them is a great start. Such mindsets will already put you miles ahead of most men who aren't very confident around women. This is a critical factor in having confidence with women.
Now you know how to develop unwavering confidence with women.
However, the difficult part is not just finding out what you need to do, but to actually internalize these concepts. That's because Inner Game is something that's not quick or easy to fix. It takes a lot of conscious effort, action and practice.
It also takes massive balls and commitment because it's difficult to go against everything that you've been taught so far and disregard the stuff that doesn't work. It's also difficult to train your mind new concepts if they are very counterintuitive to what you believed before. But if you just set your mind to it and decide to get your dating life in order, you can develop your confidence around women eventually.