Today I'm going to talk about how to develop your confidence with women.
I'll mention several critical factors that set apart the men who are very successful and confident with women from those who aren't. Also, I'll show you what you can do to develop yourself and your personality so that you're more assertive when talking to women.
Confidence with women comes from within
First of all, confidence doesn't just come from one single thing. It's a sum of many different things that you do throughout your life. Which means that to become amazingly confident with women, it's not just one issue that you have to address.
Second, you don't "find" your confidence and you don't stumble upon it randomly. Instead, you get enough positive and negative reference points certain actions that you do. Then, you combine that with your various life's experiences to produce unwavering confidence from within yourself.
Lastly, don’t forget that confidence is just one cog in the machine. While it’s a huge part of being successful with women, you still have to work on other aspects of yourself to have lasting results. And knowing the difference between confidence and arrogance is a plus.
Here are the main factors to having amazing confidence with women:
1) Your Inner Game
Your Inner Game is one of the most important things when it comes to being confident around girls. Inner Game is what thoughts and beliefs you have circulating in your head about yourself and others. In other words, it is your worldview.
Basically, if you come to believe that you're worthless, creepy, uninteresting and so on, you will have too many negative thoughts about yourself in your head. This will cripple your confidence completely. Having such thoughts will make most of your interactions with women go nowhere fast because you won't have any confidence at all.
No one wants to hang out with a loser because they'd be wasting their time. But the thing which separates you from a winner or a loser is not the stuff that you've accomplished. Instead, it's mostly how well you think about yourself.
For example, let's say I have two average guys who want to approach a woman. To teach them about confidence with women, I tell them exactly what to say to grab her interest and get her undivided attention. Then, they approach the woman at different times and one of them gets ignored while the other captures her attention completely.
Why were the results different if they said the exact same thing and they both looked more or less the same? The difference is in their confidence levels. It's HOW they said the things I told them to say to the woman. Their attitude, mannerisms, facial expressions, voice tonality, body language and similar things instantly betray to women how confident they are in themselves.
One of them may think that since he had some success with women before, that most women like him. Because of that, he feels at ease. He may also think that when he approaches women, it's because he has something interesting to say and that his words will brighten their day. Because of that, he believes that what he says to women has value and that women are going to listen to him eagerly.
The other guy may think that since he got rejected by 20 girls in a row before this one, why would the outcome with her be any different? Because of that, he feels like a useless piece of shit. He may also think that when he's approaching women, he's bothering them. Because of that, he’s filled with doubt and hesitation.
The thoughts that float around in his head, combined with his life experiences before this moment have propelled him towards failure. He got rejected before he even began talking to her because he was in his head too much.
However, let’s say this person somehow manages to disregard his past failures and clear his mind. Instead of overthinking things and focusing on the past, he stays present in the moment when talking to the woman. That will swiftly turn him from a loser into a winner, at least in his own mind. And frankly, that’s the ONLY place that matters!
This will drastically change his subconscious communication for the better, when talking to women.
2) Positive outlook on life
As corny as this sounds, it's one of the key components of being confident.
For example, if you've had a very productive day and many nice things have happened to you, you may feel supremely confident.
Conversely, you may not be very confident with women on a day when you experienced many negative things. Maybe you got stuck in a traffic jam for a few hours, someone screamed at you for no apparent reason or you got into some sort of trouble. All of that will have a huge impact on how you interact with women.
That's why it's important not to let the negativity of the world overwhelm you or it will sap any chance of building confidence with women.
If you hold on to the negativity and then go on a date with a woman, it most likely won't end well. I'm sure you don't like to hang around negative people because they suck out all the joy out of the room. Women don't like that as well. Plus, it’s difficult to feel confident when you’re in a rotten mood.
3) Physical fitness
Your body is the only thing in your life that is truly yours. Everything else can be taken away. That's why it is essential to take care of it.
To feel great, you have to develop both your mind and your body. That's why physical and mental education is important.
If you neglect one or the other, you simply won't be your best self and your confidence levels will suffer.
But don't get me wrong; ultimately, appearance doesn't matter when it comes to being successful with women. Looking good will merely increase your chances. But if you have the personality of a doorknob, you won't get very far with women unless they're explicitly looking for a one-night stand.
However, that doesn't mean that you should not exercise at all. Physical exercise provides too many health benefits to ignore. It elevates your mood, improves your appearance and does you a world of good.
That's why, to raise your confidence with women, exercising should be a priority no matter what. And unless you have a crippling medical disease, there is no reason except for laziness or lack of willpower that prevents you from exercising.
Since confidence is a sum of many things, you can even be very confident if you're not very smart or don't have a fit body. But why would you not want to increase your chances as much as possible?
To have high confidence with women, you have to be shameless. In fact, you could even say that shame is the opposite of confidence.
If you're shameless, you don't have to justify your actions to anyone and are free to do whatever it is that you want. Being shameless is liberating. And I don't mean that you should be shameless in an arrogant and pompous kind of way.
By shamelessness, I mean that you shouldn't assign shame to your thoughts and your actions. You shouldn't be ashamed of doing the things you need and going for what you want.
The biggest example I can give is being unapologetic about your sexuality. If you feel shame for being a normal human being who loves and enjoys sex, women won’t like you.
Being successful with women is a skill. A social skill, to be exact.
The more women you approach and the more interactions you have, the easier it will eventually become.
No one's born with great social skills, unwavering confidence and brilliant charisma. Everyone had to take the time to learn and develop these things.
How do you become great at throwing three-pointers in basketball? You practice and practice until you get good at it. Same thing with talking to women.
Competence always brings on a decent amount of confidence.
6) Developing your value
Your value as a person is very subjective.
In all honesty, it can be anything: your material wealth, your skills, your talents, your abilities, and so on. It can even be your sense of humor.
Anything and everything that you can do which will enrich the lives of other people around you is considered as value. It can be as simple as knowing the perfect time to give a sincere compliment to someone to brighten their day.
The more you think you are valuable to others, the higher your confidence is going to be in your day to day life. That's why you should always keep improving yourself and strive to do the things that are important to you. Life is not about getting to a destination -- it's a journey.
Continuously improving and enjoying this journey will help you accumulate not only monetary wealth but also a wealth of character. Your life experiences and the things you've done and seen will all increase your inherent value as a person.
So, go out and do interesting and exciting shit with your life! Experience as much as it has to offer. This is one of the best ways to develop core confidence with women and other people in general.
7) Having proper mindsets
Let's say you approach a woman and keep thinking "Oh shit what do I say? What do I say? Oh shit oh shit, what if she doesn't like me?"
We all know how that's going to end.
But what if you were to think something like the following when you're approaching her: "Hmm, you look great! But are you actually a kind, interesting and fun person? Let's find out!"
How would that conversation go? I'm pretty sure it would work out much better than the first one. Simply because you have a mindset which allows you to come into the interaction from a position of power.
Suddenly, you're not there anymore to "pick her up just because she looks hot." You're there as a secure and confident person talking to another person who you think may also be amazing. And, you're approaching her to find that out.
Would your voice waver and crack or your body language be weird and creepy if you had this mindset internalized? Doubt it. You'd approach confidently and calmly and talk to her like she's just another human being and not some mysterious creature from another planet. This removes neediness and desperation completely.
However, fully internalizing such a mindset is the problematic part. It's not the same thing as having this thought run through your mind. It's a part of having solid Inner Game, which takes a lot of practice and effort to develop.
8) Practicing decisiveness
Women want men to lead. Also, women are very attracted to men who drive interactions forward with relative ease. This is a great way to show confidence with women.
If you're indecisive, you won't be able to lead your interactions with women. You'll hesitate at many crucial moments and that will decrease your attractiveness.
Decisiveness has a lot to do with being able to lead other people. If you're constantly hesitating about doing certain things when you're with women, they'll see that you lack confidence.
That's why you should exercise your decision-making muscles as often as you can. When you're on a date with a woman, they want to see who you are and enter your world. Don't ask them what they want to do. Instead, do the things YOU want to do and invite them to join in the fun experience. When you get used to this, your confidence with women will skyrocket.
9) Taking action
This is another muscle that you need to train and maintain. Same as with making decisions, the more often you take action after deciding to do something, the easier it becomes in the future.
Plus, taking action combines everything else we've talked about up until now. If you don't take action, you won't get anywhere. This is something that plays a huge role in your general confidence levels throughout your life. The more accustomed you are to taking action as soon as you've decided on something, the greater the things you'll accomplish.
Confidence is not something that you either have or you don't have because it's not a switch that you can turn on and off. Your confidence levels fluctuate throughout the day and depend on many things that you do.
That's why it's important to do as many positive things in your life as you can to increase your confidence with women and even other people in general.
So, go out and experience life to the fullest. It builds character, toughens you up, helps you mature as a person and builds your confidence little by little.